Learning Heaven, Trusting God

SAN DIEGO — It seems so unreal that I have come to this point in my life and on my mission.

Is this really the last email I will write while sitting in San Diego? I have come to love this place with all my heart.

I love the people.
I love the missionaries.
I love the sights.
I love the experiences that will forever be in my heart.

Sister Kennington always says, "San Diego is my sacred ground." I am beginning to understand exactly what she means.

At the beginning of this last transfer, I struggled A LOT with "what ifs" and "should have beens":

"What if I spent five more minutes each day studying the scriptures?"

"I should have done this or that for my companion."

"Why wasn’t I more patient with people?”

I felt this blanket of regret weigh down on my soul.  Just as I began to let myself think I have not made a difference, I realized something —If I hadn’t messed up with teaching, patience, loving, working, listening and all of the other things I could have done, I would NEVER be the person I am today. 

Those trials, those moments of 'failure' were God's tender mercies to help me live the Atonement. through Jesus Christ, I have been able to change, to learn, and to grow. And THAT is something I have come to realize will never end. I will forever be learning, and growing, and becoming more like the Savior. I will forever embrace my inadequacies and trials, for they are what are refining me. What a beautiful thing that there is no expiration date to progression.

I have thought a lot about the lessons I have learned. I suppose if I were to make a "top ten list" It would be something like this:

1. Stay Pure in heart

2. Be the best version of yourself, not a bad version of someone else

3. A leader takes take the lead, he makes the lead

4. Exact obedience brings exact blessings

5. To prove to God you are worthy to take care of His prepared one, talk to EVERY one.

6. Work hard AND work smart

7. The Holy Ghost will not prompt a messenger that will not act

8. Specific Prayers get specific answers.

9. By small and simple things, great things come to pass.

10. Love people into doing what’s right.

I want to share one last experience I have had this past week. I have taught a Young Single Adult (we will call him Bill) for my whole time in the Helix Ward. He has had so many ups and downs, twists and turns, trials and triumphs. Every time I teach him, there is something in my soul that tells me I promised him I would find him. He has a special place in my heart. I hope as you read this, you too can feel what I feel as I have taught him.

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December 13, 2012

Just again tonight, I saw as the powers of Heaven helped me in this amazing work. Sister Jarrett and Crawford were together having their own adventures in the boonies of Jamul while I was with a member teaching Bill. 

We started talking with him, as I did my very best to listen to the promptings of the Spirit. There was a somber feeling in my heart. I could almost hear the hosts of heaven holding their breath, waiting to see what happened at this lesson. This is the first time he has met with us for over a month since we last spoke and he felt he needed time to himself. I felt the need to give him an overview of the Restoration, Plan of Salvation, and Gospel. 

After, he said, "When I was learning from you at first, I just thought you sisters were full of crap, but I just kept listening because you were cute, but now my heart feels different. I know it, and I want to keep learning." 

I asked him what living the Gospel to him even meant; his reply was the generic, "Be a good person, live right...." 

My heart felt like shouting out —WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET IT????? 

Calmly I told him, "Bill — that is what every Christian church teaches. We are not like every Christian church. What makes us different?" He thought for a minute and then said, "What I love about you Mormons is that you live what you believe." 

HOORAY! My spirit took courage as I realized the Holy Ghost was enlightening his mind.

"You are right, Bill. We do live our religion. The reason we do is because we make covenants with the Almighty God that obligate us to follow and bind us to Him. Unless you make those covenants, you might as well go to any other church you wish." 

I looked at him and told him that the whole time we have been meeting, from what he has been saying it sounds like, "Well God, it's a great plan, but I just don’t trust you." 

By this time I was shaking in my boots, I couldn’t believe the Holy Ghost wanted me to say all of this! Then, this thought came so strong: "Bill, your test is to trust God. We will have the baptismal font filled next Saturday, we will meet with you every day, and if you trust God, I know he will prepare you to be ready to make a covenant with him. What do you say?"

The room was dead silent. We knelt in prayer and he asked God to give him the strength to trust him. After the prayer, He looked up at me, and said. "Okay. I think I can do this."

---

That was a sacred experience for me. I want you all to know that I have seen the powers of heaven this past year and a half. I know that will continue.

I have heard and seen and felt Heavenly Father in my life. That doesn’t have to stop.

I have learned lessons that are preparing me to return to live with God. I am learning heaven, not just earning it.

This work is true. It is our responsibility to learn it. Live it. Love it. And share it.

"That is your mission, my brethren and sisters of the Church, that is your responsibility. Freely, you have received and our Heavenly Father will expect you freely share with his other sons and daughters theses glorious truths. We will attain our exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom only on the condition that we share with our Father's other children the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and observe the commandments that will enrich our lives here and hereafter." - Joseph Smith

I testify of the truths I have shared with you today and the past 18 months and end this chapter of my life in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

May you all continue on in this cause — Courage brethren, forward not backward and on to the victory!

Calloused

SAN DIEGO — It’s weird when fall hits, and the sun is still shining here as bright as ever. It messes me up sometimes!

This week, it has really hit me how urgent this work is. God really is hastening His work. We are gearing up for about 50-75 new missionaries come January. What an amazing work this is! I feel the urgency inside of me, my spirit is trying to sprint to the finish, it is all I can do to keep up the best I can. There is just so much work to be done. 

I can see how hard both forces are working in this world. It has been so evident this week how hard Satan is working to confuse, distract, and lead away the children of God. Many of our investigators have testified of the truth, yet they refuse to live the gospel. It has broken my heart. There comes a point when they have to choose — choose to follow God, or choose to turn away, to step back into the world they came from. A world of chaos, distraction, and loneliness. The hardest moments on my mission have been the times when I look at one of my investigators, someone I have come to love with all my heart, and they look me back in the eye and tell me they do not want the gospel in their lives.  

It is devastating. But the work will move on.

I have noticed on the streets, the world is getting harder, tougher, and more calloused. People we talk to on the street laugh and make fun of us. Some are kind, but refuse to believe that they have to live the gospel of Jesus Christ to return to live with God. They think that they can do it on their own. We are getting to the point where I feel like we are trudging through mud, trying hard as we might to find those that are prepared. Despite the difficulty, the work will move on.

I have had many experiences this week, but I would like to share with you an experience from the Mormon Battalion Historic Site I had while I was on shift.

November 3, 2012

I was finishing up a tour in gold panning, and a middle-aged gentleman walked up, looking around like he had just walked up to the historic site. I excused myself from the family I was helping and welcomed him to the Battalion and to Old Town. 

We talked for a minute and I asked if I could show him how to pan for gold. He agreed and we started panning. Over the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences talking with people at the Battalion or at the temple where a peace comes over my heart, and I am certain that they are a child of God that specifically has been guided at that time and at that moment to be healed by the message of the Restored Gospel. 

As I talked to him, I had that peace come over my heart. 

I looked at him and could feel the burden on his heart. I could see it in the sadness and darkness of his eyes. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I just told him that I could tell he had a burden on his heart, and wondered if he wanted to talk about it. 

He told me that he just didn’t like where he was at this point in his life. 

"I just go out on the weekends and drink, and party, and I don’t even know why I do it. I suppose because I am bored and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to change" 

I testified of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the power it has to lift his burdens, to comfort his heart, and that through the gift of the Atonement, he had the power to change. We walked into the resource room and looked at the display of the Book of Mormon and of the Bible. How amazing it was to me to be able to testify of the Old and New Testament, and Another Testament of Jesus Christ. The books that contain the Gospel, the way to find peace and joy in this life. 

He looked at them for a while and then looked up at me with his sad eyes and told met that ' I just feel like I have calluses on my heart. I just can’t feel anymore." 

I asked him if he had ever felt the Spirit before. He said, "Once. When I was a young boy, I felt that I should go back to church. I knew God was speaking to me and I didn’t do it." 

We slowly walked to the lobby and sat on the couch. I testified that the missionaries could teach him how to get rid of the calluses on his heart and help him start over, completely change. I felt the Holy Ghost remind me of my missionary purpose — To invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great is my calling!

I turned to him and asked him if he found that what I was teaching is true, would someone holding the priesthood authority of God baptize him. He looked at me and said, yes. He hadn’t prayed since he was little, so we went to the theater and knelt down in prayer. I prayed first and then he followed. His prayer was the most sincere prayer I have heard. I felt honored to be kneeling in a room where God's son — His little boy —was returning back to Him.

That moment will be one I never forget.

The lesson I learned through this is that, yes, things are hard, the world is bad, and Satan is loosing his chains over the whole earth. But GOD'S WORK WILL MOVE FORWARD. And we have the responsibility to be part of it. 

Are you joining the fight, or are you sitting on the sidelines? With or without you, His work will continue.

When two worlds collide

SAN DIEGO — A lot has happened this week! I suppose I will start with some "Miracles around the World"

August 17, 2012

I served at the Mormon Battalion this morning. It was one of those loud and crazy ones, but despite the mayhem in the lobby, I saw a family of three walk up. I soon found out that they were from Florence, Italy. The daughter, Chiara, spoke perfect English and was able to translate for her parents, Elizabeta and Giovanni. Because her parents couldn’t understand English, they didn’t want to go on the full tour, so I took them to the back to share a brief story of the Battalion and let them see the artifacts. We ended up standing in front of the glass case that holds the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I told them that I knew they probably had questions about Mormons, and I would love to answer them. They, of course did, and I was able to teach them about the Restoration of the Gospel. What a special moment that was, when two worlds collided, allowing us both to talk about the truth.

While not an international experience, Sister Newman had another colliding moment when @zbloxham, a twitter friend of her brother's, came by the Battalion

Just a few hours later, I had another one of those "colliding" moments. This time, with Pak from China. Pak came on a tour and was smack-dab in the middle of a bajillion Mormon families. Somehow, miraculously, I was able to talk with him after taking everyone’s photo in the resource room. This time we spoke outside, underneath the grapevines (it was quieter than with all the screaming kids). 

He told me he was an atheist. I felt the Spirit tell me that was not true, so I asked him, "So you believe that you are just here and that’s it?" He changed his mind and told me that he believed in a higher Being, he just didn’t know what it was. We were able to talk about how God literally is his Father. He agreed to read the Book of Mormon and talk with me about it.

My journey around the world ended in Belgium. The sisters gave us a referral for a man named Jeroen. We sat across from each other in his humble student apartment (he is going to pilot school) and started talking to him. I was stunned with all the questions of the soul that he had. 

He wanted to know what his purpose was on earth. He didn’t believe that all we have to do is believe Jesus and be saved (YAY!), but knew the truth that we must live the Gospel for the Atonement to work in our lives. As I looked him in the eyes, neither of us breaking eye contact, I told him of the 14-year-old boy who prayed to know the truth. The Spirit was tangible. I was struck in awe as we walked through the apartment complex back to our car. I looked up at the sky and just wanted to yell, "THANK YOU" to Heavenly Father for letting us find all the people from many lands that were thirsting for the gospel today."...

I think that is the lesson I learned today. There are people wandering, searching for the truth because they know not where to find it. I was so blinded before my mission, thinking, So-and-so would never want to hear the Gospel."  Or "So-and-so would never be Mormon."

Let me tell you all something: THAT is a COMPLETE lie from Satan.

Did you know that just this week, we talked to a guy, Ryan, walking to a bus stop? We told him that we had some great news to improve his life. A teenage boy who looked like he had plenty other things to do accepted, we met him at the church and he wants to learn more about the Plan of Salvation.

The other day when we were on our way to Jeroen's, we walked past a mother with her baby in the stroller. We just told her how cute her baby was and that we had something to share that would improve her family relationships. She accepted to learn more.

A sister shared with me that she took a tour of a non-member lady who has been to the Battalion a bunch of times, and NO ONE ever asked if she wanted a Book of Mormon. This dear sister asked, and the woman gladly accepted.

NO ONE can tell me that God is not putting people in our paths. I chose not to act before I came out here. 

For 21 years, I let neighbors, acquaintances, and coworkers pass by me. I know what you're thinking: "But she’s a missionary, she can be bold." I’m not saying we have to go up to a person and say, "do you want to hear about the three degrees of glory?" But have you ever asked a dear friend, "have you ever had questions about Mormons?"Or have you invited a less active or nonmember over for dinner? Have you invited the grocer at the store to look on mormon.org and given them a card?

I PROMISE you as a messenger of Jesus Christ, that if you would only do those simple things, you will be a messenger and advocate for the Father in bringing the Gospel to all nations, kindreds,, tongues and people.

The world is curious. 

They are thirsty. 

It is our job to bring them the fountain of living water.

I love you all. I’ve just written this email. I hope you don’t go on to your every day lives, but I hope you ask yourselves as President [Boyd K.] Packer would say,

"THEREFORE, WHAT?"

 Let's go out and do some good in this world.

Miracles happen every day

SAN DIEGO — Today, I have A LOT of miracle stories to tell you. I think Heavenly Father has been testing our faith, seeing what we are made of. Three weeks with no one to teach can be a downer, but we have been working our very hardest and very smartest to move the work forward. 

Heavenly Father showed us this week how important diligence is. Diligence is continuing to work hard, even when you’re tired and to work with a hope in Jesus Christ. Let me tell you, we have been so tired!!!! But God moves His work at His timing. Let me give you an idea of what happened this week. Here are some of my journal entries:

Saturday July 28th

"We tried to contact a former member today. She set an appointment with us last week, and we were full of hope that she would “come through". It's amazing to see God’s hand in everything. Here in San Diego, everything is gated. If there is a gift Heavenly Father has given me as a missionary, it is that gates mean absolutely nothing to missionaries. We can always find a way to get the lock open, whether it be that we pray real hard that someone drives out, or we talk a nice resident into opening it for us. The same thing happened today. Just as we walked up, a truck drove out and we were able to stroll right inside the gates.

It is a run-down community that we were in as we walked past some little kids playing ball in the street, giving them all high fives; it is so neat to see how that simple act brightens a child’s day. We knocked on the door and her mother told us to go away and come back later. This was one of Sister Miller’s first experiences with rejection, but she handled it like a champ. We decided to walk around the complex since we were here in the first place.

We knocked on another door and a big gruff bald man answered the door, with a resulting slam of the door in our face. Still, we kept walking. It was so neat to watch Sister Miller listen to the Spirit. We walked past a door and I saw her look at it, so we walked up and  we were able to talk to a man, which happens to be going to nursing school. He set up an appointment, and is going to meet us at the church this week.”

August 4th, 2012 
The Taylors' Baptism

"Sherrie and Amber Taylor got baptized today! They are the mother and daughter that Sister Tanner and I were teaching in El Cajon. It was kind of surreal seeing them dressed in white. The program was beautiful. Sister Tanner gave a talk on baptism; it was so simple and so pure. She laid out the promises we make with God and the promises He makes with us: pure doctrine. The Spirit was so strong. 





Sister Riggs sang a beautiful EFY song called, "Live Like You Believe."  The Spirit hit my heart with full force. Sister Miller, just the night previous, had been discussing how urgent the work is. She was feeling down, because she felt that she didn’t understand the urgency of the work like she felt I did. As Sister Taylor came up out of the water, Sister Miller looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "I think I understand the urgency now". I wrapped my arms around her and knew exactly how she felt. This work is so important! The sisters played Reflections of Christ as the Taylors were getting dressed. I watched pictures of Jesus healing, helping, serving, and blessing. My spirit was touched with a remembrance of Him, of heaven. I know this work is real, how great Heaven will be to see all of our brothers and sisters who have accepted and are living the gospel of Jesus Christ..."

Monday August 6th 
Faith to Move mountains

"I’ve been trying not to get down with all that is happening lately. When I say all that is happening, I really mean all that has NOT been happening! I know that it all depends on the little things, so Sister Miller and I have been working on that nonstop — organizing the area book, getting members to every investigator, less active and recent convert lesson, asking everyone for referrals, making visions, plans and goals, loving, serving, and lifting. 

Today, I woke up thinking to myself, 'we just have to keep doing the little things, it will all work out, it always does'. Today that thought proved to be true. I think Heavenly Father has been testing our faith and patience, but WOW, the blessings have been poured out in buckets in just a few short hours!

1. We went to contact a referral and I got lost (of course). Because of that, we met a young single adult named Ryan who was walking to the bus stop. We talked to him about the Gospel, about the Restoration, and he agreed to meet with us!

2. A referral, Aaron, that we got from the Elders, wasn’t home. But we were able to meet his neighbor and sister’s babysitter who is a Jehovah's Witness, but surprisingly loves Mormons and has talked to missionaries before. Hopefully we will be able to work with her.

3. We stopped by a former member, Casey, who our ward mission leader asked us to visit. He agreed to meet with us this week!

4. Stopped by another former member, Ben. We set up a time to do service and he agreed to meet with us too!

5. Ended the day with a phone call from a girl named April, who the sisters gave a Book of Mormon to along time ago. She was going to a different church but didn’t feel right about it, so she started reading the Book of Mormon. She called us and told us she wants to be Mormon, and wanted us to meet her at the church on Sunday so she could go.

Miracles? I think SO! God works in his time, in his way, and by his means. I love being an instrument in his hands...

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Just this morning as I was doing my laundry, I talked with a man named Robert. He had a friend who gave him a Book of Mormon, but he passed away. Robert has never read the Book of Mormon, but we were able to talk about it. I taught him the Restoration, and in the middle of the laundromat we taught him the First Vision. The Spirit was strong despite the noise, and the Elders that were in the area he was living just happened to be doing laundry at the same laundromat. We set up an appointment and he wants to learn more.

Can you believe the miracles that happen everyday? I realize that we many times fall into the trap that the people in the Book of Mormon did, by not noticing the little things that happen. When we stop being grateful, when we stop noticing the miracles, we open our hearts to Satan. 

Live the Gospel. Let it become who you are and be grateful for the miracles that come your way. They will come, I promise.

Inactivity, service, staying put

SAN DIEGO — YAAAAAAAAAAAY I am so excited for Dad and Sara to be having their adventure! I love the stories:)

I actually went to school with Aubin Lewis, then she left for a few semesters. I can't remember if it was for a mission or something. Great stories. I'm glad you're having fun. 

The only thing I want you to do for me, Sara, is give Leena a great big hug and tell her how much I love her. She is one of my heroes. Seriously. She has changed my life a lot. Talk with her every chance you get and write it down so you can tell me about it:) I would love to hear her conversion story again. I forgot it! 

Guess what? The former mission president in Finland that just got released came to the Battalion yesterday. It was great to talk with him. He knows Leena of course. It made me miss pulla and piirakka. MMMMMMMMM.

You are not going to believe this, but Sister Kennington and I stayed together, stayed training sisters, and stayed in Black Mountain!!!! I am very humbled, very grateful, and so excited for this chance. I love Sister Kennington so much. She's my best friend! We have gone through more together than I ever thought was possible as a missionary. The amazing thing is we have learned how to love each other, despite all of the weaknesses we have. It is a hard thing to live with someone 24/7. I am grateful that I get to live with a patient, kind, and loving companion. I couldn't go through this refining process without someone like her. My furnace has been HOT, and is only heating up. But I am grateful for the opportunity to be changed.

It was such a sweet experience Sunday, not only because I was still in the area I love with all my heart, but because I walked in and Kyle, the less active we have been working with since November — the one who is stubborn and hard on the outside, but really a softie on the inside — showed up in a white shirt and the tie we bought him. He got up and said the closing prayer as well. No one in this world can tell me that people can't change. That is a total LIE!

I was taught another lesson from Elder Seegmiller about why so many people stay less active. It is because they feel they have to fix their mistakes BEFORE they can go back to church, when it is church that is the place to help them become better. So what if someone has a problem with the Word of Wisdom. So what if a person has a problem with the Law of Chastity or keeping the Sabbath day holy. I hope and pray that you or I would not make any of them feel that they could not enter a place for healing the wounded soul. In fact, it is our duty to find them and to help them understand that they NEED to come back, that they are loved. Keeping the laws is the least of their problems.

It is coming back to change, to align themselves with God, to repent that is what keeps people from returning to God. So please, please, please don't be the cause of one of God's precious children shying away from the only place that will give them peace and hope. Its not just in our actions that keep them away, but in our LACK of action that does it as well.

Last thing I wanted to tell you about was Mormon Helping Hands day. Do you do that in Utah? I forget. Our branch was in charge of painting the community center in Mira Mesa. It was an amazing sight, painting the center. Our branch was on the roof, a bunch of 18-30 year-olds that could have been doing anything else on a Saturday afternoon. I took a moment to look around at them, and to walk to the edge of the roof and look down at the crowds of other members painting beneath me, laughing, painting, serving the community and serving God. People walked past with wonder in their eyes. I am sure thinking to themselves, "who on earth are these people? are they crazy?" Many of them, probably not even realizing that we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints —followers of the Savior of the world.

I guess this scene hit me harder today, as an investigator's father claimed that our Church only thinks  about itself and no one else. If only he could have seen the selfless service of these people on this day. My soul was touched deeply with the pureness, the charity of it all. It was a great experience.

I guess the whole reason for my email today is that there is more happiness to be found than what you have right now.

I know that at times, you may read this and think, "Oh, she's just a missionary. She doesn’t remember what living in the world is like. She's just weird and all she wants to talk about is the Gospel." 

Some of you may even have a hard time remembering that I did live where you live, I am real! I experienced much of what you are experiencing now! Being a full-time missionary and a member of God's church is not as far separated as regular members of the church put us.

I challenge you to find the happiness that God has for you. Many of you may have to change where you are looking for it, but I promise it is there.

The power of a prompting (and a henna tattoo)

SAN DIEGO — Hope you are doing well. It was so good to hear from all of you!

Hannah: Thank you for the letter. I am so sorry to hear the hard things with your family, but so happy about school. Those pictures were adorable!

Juli: Thank you for your letters, pictures and journals- I can't believe how much those two are growing up! I miss them soooooooo much!

Aunt Kathy: (please tell her this if she doesn't get to read the email) I got your letter and it made my day. Thank you for thinking of me! Love you so much!

Mom: Hope you are enjoying being off track:) Thanks for the updates on everyone. And THANK YOU FOR THE PACKAGE!

I was thinking back when I used to be on the other end of these missionary emails and I'm not sure if I answer all the questions you have. I think I am just so used to being a missionary, I forget what you may want to know about. Will you let me know any of those things? I'll answer, promise. I just don't know what is interesting for you to know.

As for today, I think we all should start out with a good laugh don't you? Well, I actually have two for you:

Yesterday, we stopped by an Indian couple's home that we had helped move in a few months prior. They got so excited to show us about their culture, they gave us Indian candy, showed us their Indian shrine, their wedding pictures, and then they sat us down on the floor and started painting on sister Kennington's hand with this gooey brown stuff. As she started on my hand, her husband pulled up online what it was she was painting with... We got a Henna tattoo! Ooops! We tried to get it off since we had a sisters meeting at President's home the next day. Even soaking it in bleach for an hour didn't help! Windex and fingernail polish remover didn't work, either.

Another funny was a few nights ago, we were talking to a Russian visitor for a few minutes. We continued on talking with another family, and when we turned around to walk inside the temple, there was a dead BIG FAT RAT in the middle of the walkway. (A crow had dropped its dinner- yuck!) We had to guard it until security came to take it away. They took a while and Sister Kennington got bored, so she started singing a Broadway musical about this rat who could end up in the Celestial Kingdom- it was pretty hilarious.

My next story is the soap opera and miracle all rolled into one.

Last Tuesday after I emailed you, Brother Bryant called us and told us he had a referral for us. His name is Cameron and he is the ex-boyfriend of Brother Bryant's daughter, Chrissy. We set up a time and met with him a few days later. We had dinner at the Bryant's home and taught him about God, Prayer and the Holy Ghost. The next day, Brother Bryant's daughter called us and asked if she could be taught the lessons, as she has been inactive for 10 years. We set up a time to meet with her the next day.

When we walked up to Brother Bryant's home, we met his other inactive son, Josh, who is super friendly. As we taught her, the first thing that she said, with tears rolling down her eyes, was, "I want the Spirit back in my life". We were able to teach her and committed her to read from the Book of Mormon. The next day we were back at the Bryant's, this time for Cameron. Things got a little sticky when Chrissy got home earlier than thought and we had dinner with both Cameron and his ex girlfriend, Chrissy, at Chrissy's house. Heavenly Father helped everything work out.

After dinner, we had one of the most life-changing lessons I have had on my mission. We sat down (Josh, Brother Bryant's less active son was with us also) and taught Cameron about the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything we have been learning from the General Authorities that have trained us came together, the Spirit was there, and as the scriptures say, when we teach by the Spirit, "both are uplifted and edified together."

We committed him to be baptized, which he agreed, with the biggest grin on his face. His grin got even wider as Sister Kennington promised him blessings of greater happiness than he could imagine. He responded to her comment, saying "I can already tell." As we were leaving the house Sister Bryant got a text from Chrissy, she gasped and with tears filling her eyes told us that Chrissy just put in her two weeks notice at the bar. What you could call the cherry on top, was when on Sunday, Chrissy who has not been to Church in ten years and Cameron who has only been one time prior in his whole life, walked into sacrament meeting.

God is real. His power is real. There is nothing in the world that could have done this for Chrissy and Cameron, save it came from God.

Brother Bryant listened to a simple prompting to call Cameron. Through that act of faith, and that seemingly small action, there have been many lives changed.

I often ask myself how many of those opportunities I have decided to not listen to. How many promptings have I let slip by? God has a work to do. We can be a part of it, or we can be a bystander. It is up to us to listen and to take action.

Personally, I want a chance to participate in any part of the work of God He will trust me to do. I promise from personal experience that when we listen to those promptings, we earn the trust of a loving Heavenly Father, who will continue to call on us to run His errands.

I invite you to join in the work. To be there for Heavenly Father. Become a dependable and trustworthy servant of the Lord.

There is true joy and satisfaction, one that I didn't even realize by being trusted by God.

Apostolic insights and lessons in leading

SAN DIEGO — I sure hope you are doing well. I pray for you all the time, I hope you know that. For some reason, It has sure hit me harder than usual how much I love and miss you! It sounds like you had a great General Conference. I hope your Easter is great too!

This week has been a crazy one! We were super busy with General Conference and we also had MTE (missionary training event) this week as well. I feel like I have been soaked with doctrine, now I just have to keep it all in!

As part of MTE, they always have either a health training or safety training, and this time it was a car safety training on what is called "TIWI". The Church is launching a new program to keep the missionaries better obeying traffic laws, so we now have GPS tracking devices in all the cars and we have to log in to them every day. If we speed, stop or start too fast, or anything like that it gives us a mark on our record and the GPS talks to us and tells us to stop. We have to keep in the "green zone" in order to be able to have driving privileges. Crazy huh?

It sounds like everyone loved Conference. I did as well. Some of it got interrupted having to take a tour, so I will have to watch it again later or wait for it to come out in the Ensign. Do you remember Elder Perry's talk? About Scott giving him a new tie each conference and about how bold he was in talking about the Book of Mormon? Scottie is Elder Zwick's son. The one who said one of the prayers in conference and who came to our mission to inspect it the other month. The one who we had an interview with.

I don't remember if I told you about Scottie, Elder Zwick's son, so I want to share a story that he and Sister Zwick told us about him and why he was on the plane that day, talking to the man about the Book of Mormon. Because Scott has a mental disability, he was unable to serve a mission. But when his little brother decided to serve, he promised Scottie that he would serve his mission for the both of them. So every week Scott would get word of what his brother was doing in their mission together.

At one point during that time, I think it was something like Elder Zwick had to do on another mission tour close to where his son was serving, and he asked the mission president of his son if they could visit or something. The mission president replied, "You can only come on one condition. If you bring Scottie. The whole mission has heard everything about Scottie from your son, and I want him to come serve with his brother for a week." 

Scott, in Elder Perry's talk, was already being a missionary on that plane, and continued to serve side by side with his brother as a full time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for that week. I just love that story so much! I'm not sure I got it exactly right, but super close.

About what else is going on: we are still working with our investigators, and they are slowly but surely moving forward.

I also wanted to leave you with something that has been on my mind lately. As this transfer draws closer to an end, I will most likely be transferred, and it will most likely be time for someone else to take the role of being the sister trainer at the Battalion. I have been looking back and asking myself what I could have done differently. I want to share a learning experience I had this week, as being a "coach" during MTE for some of the sisters.

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March 29, 2012

Today, I coached two of the sisters. It was a very good learning experience for me. As a coach, I sit on the sidelines as the sisters teach and afterward, guide them to focus on what we learned at MTE to incorporate it into their teaching. We had lessons that went pretty well.

The sisters are amazing at asking everyone for referrals. We had a dinner appointment with Wilbur and Edna, Wilbur is a non-member married to an active member, but he goes to Church with her every Sunday. Long story short: it was a pretty rough lesson, of which I shouldn't have talked, but I did- first lesson learned once again about being a leader: LET PEOPLE LEAD!

We had a tense few minutes in the car on the way to our next appointment. One of the sisters was crying along the way, and I started feeling a sense of despair and not knowing how to help the situation. To make matters worse, because we left Wilbur's late, we missed the next investigator for our next appointment, so tension was really high. Second lesson learned tonight: don't try to fix the problem when the environment is not right for the Spirit to be present!

I decided we needed to pray. I asked if I could say a prayer. I desperately begged Heavenly Father to send the Holy Ghost to guide us and help us know where we needed to be. It was so great to feel the Spirit once again with us, and I felt instantly that whatever happened next would be okay. We went to one of the backups they had, which happened to be a 14-year-old girl (whose parents they were trying to contact). As I sat on the sidelines and watched the sisters teach this girl about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I was hit harder than I ever had that this little girl was God's daughter. I walked away from the lesson, with a sure knowledge in my heart that God does know and He does care. 3rd lesson learned: I cannot lead without the Holy Ghost as a constant companion.

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I share this with you because each of us are leaders. Each of us are most definitely inadequate. If you think you are up to par, think again. God needs us to lead, and we must lead according to God's will, not our own. What you do makes a difference: how you interact, what you say, how you teach.

The missionary handbook teaches that we must minister to those around us. There is a difference between administering and ministering. To minister is to encourage, lift, inspire and bless. Administering is accomplishing the tasks to get something done. What kind of leader are you in your homes? at school? at work?

I feel like leaving you with an invitation from our Savior Jesus Christ: "What manner of men ought ye to be? Even as I am."

Let your light shine and never give up

SAN DIEGO —Holy Moly, I had so many things to write to president, and I needed to send an email off to my amazing sis, so sorry if this is a little short this week. I want to tell you about the lessons I learned this week.

Lesson 1: Let your Light So Shine

I had an amazing experience this week. There was a message for me at the Battalion that a Rudy and Sylvia Vega wanted Sister Newman to attend their baptism on Saturday. I racked my mind trying to think of who in the world were Rudy and Sylvia? I soon found out that in November, they felt a pull to ride their motorcycles through "the big castle" so they could look at it. Rudy and Sylvia talked with me (though, it is hard for me to remember the details as I talk to hundreds of people at the temple) and though Rudy never gives out his name or number, he decided to this time though.

As I walked into the church that Saturday morning, the first few words he said to me hit me hard. He looked at me, and pointed to me face: "She's the one, I'll never forget that smile!"

I'm not saying this to say anything about myself. There are 20 other sisters here that would have done the same thing. What hit me so hard was that a mere smile truly did bring two of God's children into His fold.

I talk to hundreds of people each week. So do you.

I have no idea the impact I make on them. Neither do you.

But I promise you, whether in this life or in the next, there will be many people who throw their arms around you and thank you for the difference you made in their lives by letting your light so shine.

Lesson 2: Never Give up.

I have written about Cory Woodson before, but not for a long time. He is another marine and Sister Nelson and I taught him. He had a baptism date, but a few days before he backed out and stopped talking to us. Since November, Sister Kennington and I have continued to text and invite him without any luck. Last week, he showed up randomly to FHE, and this Sunday to church.

I felt the strongest feeling that we needed to meet with him, so we did last-minute splits, so Sister Kennington could take our lesson we had planned and I could meet with Cory. After talking with him about his concerns and his thoughts, I asked him if he believed The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to be Jesus Christ's true, restored church. He paused, and said something very profound. He said, "All the other churches I "think are right", but the Mormon church is the only one that "feels" right.

We invited him to be baptized and he accepted and asked to be baptized three days from our meeting. I know that God never forgets about His children. He has never forgotten me, He never forgot Cory, and I know He will never forget you. Now if Heavenly Father never gives up on us, who are we to give up on anyone?

I'll write next week about Cory and Oliver's baptisms! Please pray for them!

Less actives, Church tech, and forever without force

SAN DIEGO — Happy Valentines Day! Hope you are having a good one!:)

I got the email from Dad about Mormon Battalion Day. That was cool:) I have to say my quote wasn't very profound- oops! Sometimes, I just run out of cool words to say! When you've been out so long, unfortunately the everyday miracles that happen fade into just everyday events. I am trying so hard to get my "greenie" perspective back, but it is hard work, I tell you! I guess that is something I will have to watch out for when I get home as well. Falling into that trap of seeing every day as another day, and forgetting that it is 24 more hours to become like the Savior and see his Atonement work in the world. What a miracle just that itself is!

I have a few random things I wanted to tell you about this week:

In our area, we have been struggling so much with finding new people to teach. We are teaching Oliver, who is getting baptized in March and that is pretty much it. But Heavenly Father has sent us so many less-actives to teach. I have found a new love for rescuing those that have lost their way a little bit. Oh, I wish I was better at that when I was at home!

Two of the people we are working with are preparing for missions now. It is so amazing to see the Atonement work! We were teaching Paul last week how to teach the Restoration. We had to help him learn Joseph's account of what happened with hand actions (that was pretty funny), and then committed him to have it completely memorized by the next time we saw him. We were meeting with him this week and asked him to teach us the Restoration, he got a "Pshhhh, that is so easy" look on his face and totally recited the whole thing! It was so great!

We were helping a member with the exact same thing just yesterday and as we were leaving his house, he told us about Whitney Houston passing away. As a tribute, Sister Kennington and I belted "I will always love you" on our way out to the car. Lesson 1 of being a missionary: you have to learn how to laugh and enjoy every second!

Speaking of Oliver, He is doing SO GREAT. He is so solid. He lives with a member who has really exotic pets. Last time we were there, they were showing us their parrots. The great big one hates girls and will bite you if you get to close. Yesterday when we were walking up to the house to teach him, the big parrot was on her perch on the front door. We started walking up and she jumped at us, (and you knowing how scared I am of birds) and I hid behind Sister Kennington like a little girl. So she, being the brave one, held up her bag over her head and ran to the door bell so we could get inside. It is those silly moments I wish I could take a snapshot of and send home to you.

We are also being trained on using CHAT. The church is trying to help us missionaries stop using "19th century techniques in a 21st century world", so they are training us on teaching lessons over the phone, texting, and online. We at the Visitors Center also are learning how to use the chat feature on mormon.org to chat online with people all over the world who have questions. Just yesterday as we were being trained, a man from Europe got on and told us about how hopeless he felt. His wife had just left him, he lost his job, and he was worried about his little daughter. We taught him about Jesus Christ and how His Gospel could lift and strenghten him. It was so amazing. We have another appointment set up. Technology can be such a blessing!

Sister Kennington and I been talking a lot about how Satan has such a tight grasp on the world today. There was an older gentlemen giving a talk on Sunday, and was talking about how marriage in the world is "till death do you part". Sister Kennington and I looked at each other, it was sad to see in her eyes, a reflection of what I was thinking and feeling inside — it may have been true that in the past, people were married "till death do you part", but Satan now has twisted the world so that they truly believe that they can be married forever without someone who holds the permission from God to do that.

Now as missionaries today, when we preach about families being together forever, they say I already have that. When we talk about Jesus Christ, they either believe that they are saved by grace alone, or they don't need Jesus Christ, they can do it on their own. Just yesterday, we had a former investigator look us in the eyes after he felt the Spirit with its full force testify of the reality of Christ, and still, he said, "I don't want Jesus in my life." It's really sad. Thats all I know what to say. The thing is, who is Satan to think he can win? Families CAN be together forever, the Gospel HAS been restored. Jesus Christ IS real. I know that more now than I ever have in my life.

I hope you all know how much I love you. I pray for you everyday. I wish I could talk individually with every single one of you, all of you who read this, and share with you the miracles I see every day, the testimony I have been given, and the truth I get to teach. It's real. You can do hard things. God loves you!

God is the Gardener

SAN DIEGO — Another week has come and gone. It has finally gotten cooler, which helps remind me that time is passing. When the sun shines everyday of the year, sometime it feels as though I am repeating July 12 months straight!

This week has honestly been so hard. As a missionary, the work seems to be compared to a roller coaster ride. There are moments when we have so many people to teach, many progressing, we are finding, and teaching, and the work is moving forward. Then the adversary notices what is going on, and tries his best to derail us. You know the part in The Book of Mormon when the Lamanites are taught and thousands turn their hearts back to God and are baptized? At the same time, the Nephites harden their hearts past feeling that not even the Gospel can penetrate their hearts? I am beginning to believe that I am living the same story that was written in The Book of Mormon, though I am the missionary trying to teach the Nephites.

I have been truly humbled this week. I realize for the past 8 months of my mission, I have not fully allowed Heavenly Father shape me into who I need to be. I have squirmed, and protested, and fought back a little bit, when the times got tough, and I felt the heat of the refiner's fire. I was thinking about what Heavenly Father is trying to teach me, and what lessons I need to learn to be a better missionary, daughter, sister, and future wife and mother.

As I was sitting in Zone Leader Council this week, President Clayton answered my question by reading us a talk by Hugh. B. Brown.

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"You sometimes wonder whether the Lord really knows what He ought to do with you. You sometimes wonder if you know better than He does about what you ought to do and ought to become. I am wondering if I may tell you a story that I have told quite often in the Church.

It is a story that is older than you are. It’s a piece out of my own life, and I’ve told it in many stakes and missions. It has to do with an incident in my life when God showed me that he knew best.

I was living up in Canada. I had purchased a farm. It was run down. I went out one morning and saw a currant bush. It had grown up over six feet high. It was going all to wood. There were no blossoms and no currants.

I was raised on a fruit farm in Salt Lake before we went to Canada, and I knew what ought to happen to that currant bush. So I got some pruning shears and went after it, and I cut it down, and pruned it, and clipped it back until there was nothing left but a little clump of stumps. It was just coming daylight, and I thought I saw on top of each of these little stumps what appeared to be a tear, and I thought the currant bush was crying.

I was kind of simple minded (and I haven’t entirely gotten over it), and I looked at it, and smiled, and said, “What are you crying about?” 

You know, I thought I heard that currant bush talk. And I thought I heard it say this: “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn’t make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.” 

That’s what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and some day, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down, for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.’”

Time passed. Years passed, and I found myself in England. I was in command of a cavalry unit in the Canadian Army. I had made rather rapid progress as far as promotions are concerned, and I held the rank of field officer in the British Canadian Army. And I was proud of my position. And there was an opportunity for me to become a general. I had taken all the examinations. I had the seniority. There was just one man between me and that which for ten years I had hoped to get, the office of general in the British Army. I swelled up with pride. 

This one man became a casualty, and I received a telegram from London. It said: “Be in my office tomorrow morning at 10:00,” signed by General Turner in charge of all Canadian forces. I called in my valet, my personal servant. I told him to polish my buttons, to brush my hat and my boots, and to make me look like a general because that is what I was going to be.

He did the best he could with what he had to work on, and I went up to London. I walked smartly into the office of the General, and I saluted him smartly, and he gave me the same kind of a salute a senior officer usually gives—a sort of “Get out of the way, worm!” He said, “Sit down, Brown.” Then he said, “I’m sorry I cannot make the appointment. You are entitled to it. You have passed all the examinations. You have the seniority. You’ve been a good officer, but I can’t make the appointment. You are to return to Canada and become a training officer and a transport officer. Someone else will be made a general.” 

That for which I had been hoping and praying for ten years suddenly slipped out of my fingers.

Then he went into the other room to answer the telephone, and I took a soldier’s privilege of looking on his desk. I saw my personal history sheet. Right across the bottom of it in bold, block-type letters was written, “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.” 

We were not very well liked in those days. When I saw that, I knew why I had not been appointed. I already held the highest rank of any Mormon in the British Army. He came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.” I saluted him again, but not quite as smartly. I saluted out of duty and went out. I got on the train and started back to my town, 120 miles away, with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul.

Every click of the wheels on the rails seemed to say, “You are a failure. You will be called a coward when you get home. You raised all those Mormon boys to join the army, then you sneak off home.” 

I knew what I was going to get, and when I got to my tent, I was so bitter that I threw my cap and my saddle brown belt on the cot. I clinched my fists and I shook them at heaven. I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?” I was as bitter as gall.

And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.” 

The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness and my bitterness. While kneeling there I heard a song being sung in an adjoining tent. A number of Mormon boys met regularly every Tuesday night. I usually met with them. We would sit on the floor and have a Mutual Improvement Association. As I was kneeling there, praying for forgiveness, I heard their voices singing:

“It may not be on the mountain height

Or over the stormy sea;

It may not be at the battle’s front

My Lord will have need of me;

But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I’ll go where you want me to go.”

(Hymns, no. 75.)

I arose from my knees a humble man. And now, almost fifty years later, I look up to him and say, “Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.” I see now that it was wise that I should not become a general at that time, because if I had I would have been senior officer of all western Canada, with a lifelong, handsome salary, a place to live, and a pension when I’m no good any longer, but I would have raised my six daughters and two sons in army barracks. They would no doubt have married out of the Church, and I think I would not have amounted to anything. I haven’t amounted to very much as it is, but I have done better than I would have done if the Lord had let me go the way I wanted to go.

I wanted to tell you that oft-repeated story because there are many of you who are going to have some very difficult experiences: disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement, defeat. You are going to be tested and tried to prove what you are made of. I just want you to know that if you don’t get what you think you ought to get, remember, “God is the gardener here. He knows what he wants you to be.” 

Submit yourselves to his will. Be worthy of his blessings, and you will get his blessings.

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As that was read, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I have to let Heavenly Father prune me. I have no idea what is good for me, but HE does. We are so prideful in this world. ALL OF US! (yes, that means you, you who are shaking your head no after reading this statement, that means you too.)

We have to stop comparing, stop holding grudges, stop holding on to the "us" that WE want to be.

Believe me, you want to be who HEAVENLY FATHER wants you to be, not who YOU want to be. I am a living testimony of that.


I love you all. I never knew that I could be so happy. There is true happiness that comes from not only living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but allowing it to become who you are.

Closer to Heaven

SAN DIEGO — I haven't read any of your emails or anything because I only have a few minutes to write today. The place we usually go had the internet down, so we are sharing the computer at the Battalion.

Part of my email time was taken up by a MIRACLE! A perfect thing to be taken up by, don't you think?

Elder Woodbury came and got Sister Kennington and myself from the back and told us there was a lady up front who wanted to know more about the Church. She hadn't even been on the tour yet! She was at the temple and she asked how she could go inside, and the temple workers told her that if she came to the Mormon Battalion Historic Site, there would be missionaries there to help prepare her to enter the temple in a year's time. She told us that she has struggles right now and knows that this can make her happy. We scheduled an appointment for her to come back tomorrow at 10. AMAZING! I love the miracles that happen every single day. They really do happen!

An update on our investigators: 

Charmaine is doing better. She still is struggling with the commandments, but is working through it and really wants to get baptized.

Todd also will be baptized at the end of the month.

Some sad news that happened this week. Ali broke his arm and can't afford insurance, so he has to go back to Iran to get it fixed. I think my heart may have literally broken a tiny bit. I know we talked in heaven. He is so close!

We need your prayers, though. I know there are people — just like this lady that came to the Battalion — that are in desperate need of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Missionary work is so amazing. You have moments when you are down on your knees in tears not knowing what to do next, times what you feel like you are on cloud nine when one of God's children accepts the Gospel, times when crushing disappointment takes your breath away as one you've learned to love rejects their opportunity of a lifetime.

Of course, there are moments when the only thing you can do is laugh.

I had one of those moments this week, as I was taking one of the Spanish sisters on exchanges a few days ago. I have heard horror stories at the Battalion of some very interesting food that has been served the sisters. We were having a lesson with a lady, and she decided she liked us, so naturally she wanted to feed us a taco. We agreed and she went to the kitchen to prepare it. As she started walking back to us from the kitchen, my heart sank as I saw on the plate weird squiggly white stuff. The only thing running through my mind was that did NOT look like any taco I had ever seen. Flashbacks of being with Dad in Finland and eating nasty stuff ran through my mind. I held my breath, telling myself it was all mind over matter. Then she gave us the plates: it was Chicken Alfredo!!! Yeah, MAJOR FALSE ALARM.

All the Spanish sisters had a hoot and a half hearing that one, though:) They taught me a new phrase last night when I was on exhcanges again, so sister kennington wasnt with me. "Yo tengo mucho respeto por usted, mujer." Anyway, I was supposed to say it to Sis. Kennington. It means, "I have much respect you, woman"

I'll leave you with part of my journal from last night.

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January 9, 2012

I just got off my second tour in a row tonight and saw that Sister Nelson was going to start a tour, so I went with her. We took a mother and her two little daughters through. They were so adorable. The whole time we were unsure of whether they were LDS because the daughter kept saying she had been here before. We finished the tour and still, we had no idea whether she was a member of the Church. 

At the end of the tour, she started opening up: her husband is deployed and her and her daughters come here often because of the feelings that they feel.

Of course they do.

The Mormon Battalion is a sacred place, a place where the legacy of these brave men and women is reverenced and retold to the world. The prophecy that the Battalion would be held in reverence to the whole world is fulfilled here every day. I am convinced that the real members of the Battalion are closer than we know at times. This woman felt that. She felt the Spirit. She felt it touch her heart.

She asked if she could go to church with us on Sunday, which we gladly accepted. What is amazing to me is the contrast of another tour I took earlier today. I took two people, cousins, on the tour. The whole time all they wanted to do was leave. They answered their phone multiple times and most of the time weren't even paying attention. Yet, still by the end of the tour their hearts were changed, and they were so excited to bring their family back.

Wow. The Gospel really does change people. No matter who we are, where we come from, we are all children of God. Our spirits still remember Heaven.