Calloused

SAN DIEGO — It’s weird when fall hits, and the sun is still shining here as bright as ever. It messes me up sometimes!

This week, it has really hit me how urgent this work is. God really is hastening His work. We are gearing up for about 50-75 new missionaries come January. What an amazing work this is! I feel the urgency inside of me, my spirit is trying to sprint to the finish, it is all I can do to keep up the best I can. There is just so much work to be done. 

I can see how hard both forces are working in this world. It has been so evident this week how hard Satan is working to confuse, distract, and lead away the children of God. Many of our investigators have testified of the truth, yet they refuse to live the gospel. It has broken my heart. There comes a point when they have to choose — choose to follow God, or choose to turn away, to step back into the world they came from. A world of chaos, distraction, and loneliness. The hardest moments on my mission have been the times when I look at one of my investigators, someone I have come to love with all my heart, and they look me back in the eye and tell me they do not want the gospel in their lives.  

It is devastating. But the work will move on.

I have noticed on the streets, the world is getting harder, tougher, and more calloused. People we talk to on the street laugh and make fun of us. Some are kind, but refuse to believe that they have to live the gospel of Jesus Christ to return to live with God. They think that they can do it on their own. We are getting to the point where I feel like we are trudging through mud, trying hard as we might to find those that are prepared. Despite the difficulty, the work will move on.

I have had many experiences this week, but I would like to share with you an experience from the Mormon Battalion Historic Site I had while I was on shift.

November 3, 2012

I was finishing up a tour in gold panning, and a middle-aged gentleman walked up, looking around like he had just walked up to the historic site. I excused myself from the family I was helping and welcomed him to the Battalion and to Old Town. 

We talked for a minute and I asked if I could show him how to pan for gold. He agreed and we started panning. Over the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences talking with people at the Battalion or at the temple where a peace comes over my heart, and I am certain that they are a child of God that specifically has been guided at that time and at that moment to be healed by the message of the Restored Gospel. 

As I talked to him, I had that peace come over my heart. 

I looked at him and could feel the burden on his heart. I could see it in the sadness and darkness of his eyes. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I just told him that I could tell he had a burden on his heart, and wondered if he wanted to talk about it. 

He told me that he just didn’t like where he was at this point in his life. 

"I just go out on the weekends and drink, and party, and I don’t even know why I do it. I suppose because I am bored and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to change" 

I testified of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the power it has to lift his burdens, to comfort his heart, and that through the gift of the Atonement, he had the power to change. We walked into the resource room and looked at the display of the Book of Mormon and of the Bible. How amazing it was to me to be able to testify of the Old and New Testament, and Another Testament of Jesus Christ. The books that contain the Gospel, the way to find peace and joy in this life. 

He looked at them for a while and then looked up at me with his sad eyes and told met that ' I just feel like I have calluses on my heart. I just can’t feel anymore." 

I asked him if he had ever felt the Spirit before. He said, "Once. When I was a young boy, I felt that I should go back to church. I knew God was speaking to me and I didn’t do it." 

We slowly walked to the lobby and sat on the couch. I testified that the missionaries could teach him how to get rid of the calluses on his heart and help him start over, completely change. I felt the Holy Ghost remind me of my missionary purpose — To invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great is my calling!

I turned to him and asked him if he found that what I was teaching is true, would someone holding the priesthood authority of God baptize him. He looked at me and said, yes. He hadn’t prayed since he was little, so we went to the theater and knelt down in prayer. I prayed first and then he followed. His prayer was the most sincere prayer I have heard. I felt honored to be kneeling in a room where God's son — His little boy —was returning back to Him.

That moment will be one I never forget.

The lesson I learned through this is that, yes, things are hard, the world is bad, and Satan is loosing his chains over the whole earth. But GOD'S WORK WILL MOVE FORWARD. And we have the responsibility to be part of it. 

Are you joining the fight, or are you sitting on the sidelines? With or without you, His work will continue.

A week of miracles

SAN DIEGO — Today is one of those days that my heart just got pounded with how much I love and my family. I hope you are all doing well. It sounds like it! Sara's interview, Nick's interview, Finding out about the mini-Chris or Hannah — you all have your hands full!

Mom and Juli: Thanks for the package, it is just perfect. I’m going to share the Halloween treats tomorrow at district meeting:)

Mom: would you tell grams and gramps thanks for the letter and that I love them? I wont have time this week to write a letter.

Dad: I blew it on Grandpa (Newman)'s birthday. Can you tell him happy birthday for me, and that I love him so much! So sorry about that, I feel so bad!

This week we have been teaching people a lot about the Ten Commandments. Every time we talk about "thou shall not covet" to me, Heavenly Father is saying, "Brittany, please be grateful for what I have given you." 

We have a calendar up in our apartment and each day we write down one of the miracles that happened to us. I am so very humbled every time I look at that calendar to realize the hand God has in my life. This week I want to share with you my week of miracles.

Monday, October 22, 2012: Celeste committed to be baptized!

"...Sister Jarrett, having been so scared to recite the First Vision, started speaking with such power and authority that all in the room could in no way deny that what she spoke was from Heaven. The Holy Ghost bore a powerful witness to all of our souls of the truth of Joseph’s vision. I looked at her, with conviction in my soul, knowing that if she felt what I did, she would want to follow the example of Jesus Christ and be baptized with someone holding the priesthood authority of God. As I invited her to be baptized, she looked at both of us, and said. "Yes. It makes sense.... Yes".

Tuesday, October 23:

After Preparation Day, we had shift at the Battalion. The senior couple was stuck in traffic; I was assigned to the desk. (Meaning I make sure that the sisters coming on shift relieve the senior missionaries that were taking tours). After a few minutes of slight chaos, the job was done... or so I thought. After about 10 minutes, a guy pops out of the outfitting room and says, "I tried to give them the tour, but the ladies come to the window and I don’t know what to do next!" This poor Mormon guy, who had been in a week before and brought his friends back, gave the tour from the enlistment room to where Martha comes to the window in the outfitting room! I rushed in, played it off the best I could. Can you imagine though? HA! I wish I had their perspective of a pioneer popping into the tour looking concerned that the roof might leak! It was pretty funny.  That made it possible for us to laugh and joke the rest of the tour, by the end, our only non-member on the tour felt right at ease and was willing to learn more.

Wednesday, October 24: An opportunity to serve

Sister Stirling was sick and we were the only ones that could help so her companion could stay on shift. We sat at her apartment and weekly planned, and had extra time to clean their apartment. What a good feeling it is to help someone in need. They had been worrying about when they would have time to organize, and here Heavenly Father plopped us right in her apartment room, making our schedule available, so Heavenly Father's dear daughters would have one less thing to stress about. I love Heavenly Father's timing!

Speaking of timing, as we were finishing up, President called me out of the blue. He just had this feeling to ask me if I had considered coming home on the 29th. It hit me so hard as he was speaking, because I have been suppressing this worry inside that maybe I should have decided to come home a few days earlier to get school in order. Thinking that it was too late, I pushed those feelings aside, knowing that I already committed to that date. But as President talked to me, I felt Heavenly Father's reassurance that He really does know me inside and out —worries and all — and He does care. (So, FYI Parents, even though I don’t want to think about it, my departure date is now December 29th. So don’t leave me stranded at the airport!)

I’m running out of time so I’m going to skip Thursday- It was great though!

Friday, October 26: A roomful of mission presidents

All of the mission presidents in the western United States had a mission president’s conference in San Diego this week. I was on shift as they all came to take the tour, and was lucky enough to take one of the tours. It was slightly intimidating, as there were about eight mission presidents and their wives, and 2 sets of General Authorities. I felt so honored to tell the story of my ancestors.

When we got to the courthouse, I stood in front of them, not as a nervous 22-year-old, but as a representative of Jesus Christ. As I spoke, I know the words didn’t come from me — these men faced challenges every day. "Though yours aren’t the same, I know you have to do hard things. My mission president has made all the difference in my life as you do for your (missionaries)." 

Imagine that scene, three benches filled with men in suits. I felt their tiredness, their frustrations as their missionaries choose the wrong, the pressure of moving the work forward. And at that very moment, Heavenly Father helped me tell them that they were important to Him. (I hope you know that you are important to Him too)

I’m really running out of time now! I'll do one more

Saturday, October 27:

We were on shift at the temple and Julio and Blanca from Mexico walked up. They had seen pictures on the Internet of the temple and wanted to know what it was. As I was telling them about the temple, it was different than any other experience I have had before. The Spirit came from them. Their eyes wouldn’t leave mine. Heavenly Father told me they are ready. And yes, they were. God will move His work forward with or without us. But believe me, you don’t want to be left behind.

Just a final thought:

"Who shall say that Jesus Christ did not do many mighty miracles? And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable being?" And behold I say unto you HE CHANGETH NOT; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles."

That is as true in my life as it is in yours. Have you thanked Heavenly Father for today's miracles?

He said Yes!

SAN DIEGO —It has been one of those roller coaster rides for sure. I only have time to tell you one of my experiences this week, but it has been one that spanned the whole week, and will be a lesson I will NEVER forget.

September 21, 2012

Yesterday we had a lesson with Ryan at the Mormon Battalion. We met in the teaching room to talk about some of the concerns he had. 

He didn’t understand the Atonement, which is a big deal, as the Atonement is the very center to everything. We were lucky to have the chance to re-explain the precious gift that the Savior Jesus Christ gave to the world. I felt my lips moving as I looked him in the face, but the words were not my own. 

The Holy Ghost whispered as I spoke: "Ryan, Jesus Christ knelt in the Garden and suffered for you. He experienced how it felt when you had to watch your Father slowly fade from the earth. His heart was pierced the same way with the last memory you have of your father, a memory that haunts you to this day, He experienced living day after day year after year with anger building up in your heart, eating away at you. He will be on your right and on your left, and will be there to bear you up." 

After testifying of the Savior's Atonement, we committed him to keep his date of baptism for Saturday. He stared at me, this time with dark, smoldering eyes and said, "I’m sorry, but no." 

If the sound could be heard, the room would have been filled with the sound of two breaking hearts. 

Not broken out of him pushing his date back. My heart felt broken because he didn’t use the Atonement. I don’t even want to ever feel how Heavenly Father feels when we refuse to use the gift of the Atonement. It's the gift of change. 

I know how I felt at that very moment. That, I know was only a glimpse of how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ must feel. I was once told not to cry for others who are given the chance to use the Atonement, but only cry when they refuse to use it. 

After saying goodbye to Ryan, Sister Miller and I sat down in the theater. I rolled down in my chair, looked up at the ceiling and began to cry. Sister Miller grabbed my hand and we cried together. Then we knelt in prayer and cried and prayed some more. The Spirit filled my soul as Sister Miller asked if Ryan wouldn’t have the faith to overcome fear, please let our faith be enough. I know in God's timing, Ryan will enter the waters of baptism. Oh what a sweet and beautiful day that will be...."

September 23, 2012

"Sat with Ryan in a lesson today. He got out everything that has been bothering him. It is amazing to know that no matter who you are, where you come from, the healing power of Jesus Christ is real. 

Now that Ryan is ready to use the Atonement, I feel as if I want to jump for joy! We committed him to visit his dad’s grave, and to pray to his Heavenly Father as well so that he can feel the peace and comfort that comes from repentance..."

September 24, 2012

"Ryan came to the Battalion today. My heart has been in knots all week thinking about him. I care about him so much, and know that in order for him to find true happiness here on earth and to return to live with God, he needs to have the Gift of the Holy Ghost. 

I don’t think a second has gone by between Saturday and today that my heart has stopped praying that everything will be okay. We talked and talked about so many things: about eternal families, about the temple, about baptism. And here again, the Holy Ghost said, "Sister Newman, you recommit him to be baptized."

Again, I committed him to make a covenant with God. The silence between my question and his reply was unbearable, I thought my heart might collapse from what it's been through this week. He looked up at me, his eyes warmer today, brighter, free from guilt and shame, and said, "Yes". 

HE SAID YES!!!! HALLELUJAH!!! 

His life will be changed forever. Despite the bad, the hard, and the ugly in this world, a Heavenly Messenger of God can protect him...

I don’t care how bad this world gets. We are on the Lord's side.

 

Tears

Well Hello Family!

I am writing you with tears dripping down my face. I hope you know how much I love you! I am such a leaky faucet sometimes — I just read your names on the envelope and I start crying! I think being away from home was a good way Heavenly Father wanted to remind me how much you all mean to me. All of you: friends, family, roommates, you all mean the world to me. Thank you for your inspiration in my life! Thank you for all the love you send my way. I won't have time to answer everyone's letters this week because our P-day is cut short, but I want you to know I love you!

I'm trying to think of things that have happened this week. Honestly, it has been a long, hard week of trying to find people to teach. We got stopped by an atheist this week. It is so hard to talk to people that just want to argue. Mostly because I can feel how much Heavenly Father wants to wrap them in His arms, and they don't even see it. For some reason, every time someone is angry, they never look at Sister Tardiff: they always stare me down. It is actually pretty funny, because Sister Tardiff just laughs at me, I just don't get why they can't look at and ask questions to both of us.

Sister Burden (one of the sisters that works at the Mormon Battalion) her dad visited this week. I introduced myself to him and he stopped and stared at me for a second and then said, "I used to know a girl who looks just like you and her last name was Newman. Do you know a Dona Newman Staples?" I, of course, said yes! His name is John Burden, He said he used to date Aunt Dona. If she doesn't read this, you will have to ask her about it.

I think I told you about Martha, the woman we met on the street a few weeks ago. She is really interested in the Gospel. Sister Tardiff and I have been praying to find a family to teach and I know this is an answer to our prayers. I can't describe how amazing it is to see how the Gospel changes people's lives. I will keep you up-to-date on her.

To answer some of your questions:

When are transfers?

Transfers are next Tuesday. Can you believe I have been out six weeks?

How do you get the people you teach?

Some of the people we teach come from ward members and investigators who give us names of people they want us to teach. Other people we find on the street, and others Heavenly Father has sent us straight into our hands.

What was it like for you to go through the temple?
Going through the temple was one of the best experiences of my life. Making those promises with God that will bring me closer to Him and allow me to one day live with my family and God forever, with more joy than I could ever imagine, is the best thing anyone could ever ask for. As I sat in the temple with my family all dressed in white, I have never felt closer to heaven in my life. I love the temple with all my heart. Who wouldn't want to go to a place that almost touches heaven, right? I am so lucky that I get to visit the San Diego temple every other transfer. This next transfer is my turn. I can't wait!

Okay, time is almost up, so let me share an entry from my journal this week:

August 4 2011

This morning as I was walking around Old Town Square for exercise, I was talking to Sister Lewis and she was telling me about a story she heard. ( I don't know where she read it, but if someone wants to look it up, feel free) Spencer W. Kimball, who was serving as a Seventy to Harold B. Lee at the time felt so inadequate. President Lee noticed his feelings of inadequacy and said, "Spencer, you need to try to be the best version of Spencer and not a bad version of Harold!" I realize that I have been letting feelings of inadequacy cloud my faith, especially as I have fallen prey to Satan's trap of having me compare myself to others. I went to the bathroom to pray for Heavenly Father's help. I can't explain the feelings of love He helped me feel.

Shout-outs:

Sister Mears: Thank you for sending that letter and the essay. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I am so excited! I am glad to hear Tyson is doing well, I have no doubt he is such an amazing missionary.

Sister Thompson: Thank you for your letter, especially that quote. I really needed to hear that today. I can't believe Jessica has started school. Wow, that is so crazy. It is good for us to have that experience though. I think college is one of the places that really helped me rely more on my Heavenly Father.

Juli: Thank you for the letter. You know it is KILLING ME not to know what happens with Bones and Booth. That is okay though, I have so many things to think about here, but I feel a Bones marathon coming when I get back:) Me and you girl, Mom's house, candy, and the boys can babysit.

Annalie: Thank you princess for that beautiful picture. I am going to hang it on my fridge once I get home. You are such an artist!

Marianne: I got your card. THANK YOU so much for that. You are such a lifesaver, and such an example to me. I really do look up to you more than you know. Tell Lucy and your parents hello for me!

Karen and the girls: Hello Ladies! Hope you are doing well. I love you all!

Grammy: Thanks for writing me so often. I love you so much. I think of you and Gramps all the time. I was playing UNO for P-day last week, and thought of all the hours you spent with me and Sara playing games. Thank you so much for those memories!

I want you all out there to know that you are NEVER inadequate in the eyes of God. He created you. He wants you to be the best YOU you can be. Satan is the one who wants you to think less of yourself than you are. Don't let him win! You are daughters and sons of God! You are perfect, because He is perfect and He made you.