The Fourth Watch

SAN DIEGO — General Conference was amazing!

I sometimes think, "Oh how cool would it be to know Moses, Noah, even Lehi", and then I realize once again: I get to see the prophet of God here, now, TODAY! Do you realize how incredibly lucky we are?

When I teach people about the prophet, they are amazed, they are so excited and anxious to learn what he has to say. And then I hear members grumbling about "having" to watch conference. Don’t ever take that for granted!

Dad asked me what I thought about the new age limit for missionaries. I am so excited to add more troops to this war! The time is getting eerily close. You can see it in everything, especially being a missionary. I feel like I could place myself in the war chapters of the Book of Mormon sometimes. Right now, I feel that I am in Antipus' army. We are fighting with all our might and it seems like we might be overtaken, but now Heavenly Father has recruited the Stripling Warriors — his young ones with fire and faith and zeal to help us win the war. It gives me chills thinking about it.

Today I want to talk to you about "the fourth watch." I want to share with you something that Sister Clayton wrote to us as missionaries:

In the sixth chapter of Mark, after having fed the five thousand, the Savior sends his apostles down to the ship, and instructs them to push out to sea.

"And when he had sent them away, he departed into a mountain to pray. 

And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. 

And he saw them toiling in rowing for the wind was contrary unto them and about the fourth watch of the night, he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea"

 The Hebrew night was divided into four watches, each lasting three hours with the fourth watch taking place between three in the morning and sunrise. 

Brother Wilcox states: "I worship a fourth watch God. One who tends to feel that it is good to let His children toil in rowing against the wind to face a little opposition. My problem is that I am a first watch person. Now there is something inside of me that understands that it is good for me to toil in rowing against the wind. But certainly by the second watch He would come. And when the second watch has passed and He still has not come, sometimes I forget that... He is watching."

Brother Wilcox goes on to explain it is easy to make one dangerous assumptions about why He is not coming yet to us. One is that the Savior is just not there and that is why He is not responding. Second is that if He is there, He is not listening. Third is if He is there and He is listening He must not care. And the fourth — and most dangerous of all — is that if He is there, and if He is listening, and if He cares, we must not be worthy.

In all cases, these assumptions are false. He is there. He is listening. He cares. And even though we probably are not entirely worthy, He will always respond. If He has not yet come to us, it must be because we have not yet reached the fourth watch.

I, too, feel like a first watch person. This week has proven to test my faith. We had five investigator lessons cancel on us, and have not added anyone new for a few weeks now. It has been weighing heavily on me. 

I remember the other night, jokingly yelling at the ceiling during one of our nightly plannings, "Heavenly Father, please can this be our fourth watch?" 

To my surprise, the very next day the Elders gave us a referral of a girl they had been teaching that was Young Single Adult age. Then yesterday, we were able to find a few people for the other missionaries to teach. How humbling it is to know that God does hear us. He does know us and He does care.

I’m not saying you can yell at the ceiling for the fourth watch to come. Sometimes it is far off, sometimes it is close. But I want you to know that it will come. I know with each of you, you are going through hard times. I hear about it, and I want you to know I think and pray about you. Don’t give up. Please don’t give up. It just might not be the time of the forth watch.

P.S: Just got transfer calls. They are splitting me and Sister Miller. I’m training in Helix, probably to the end of my mission as training takes two transfers and that’s all I have left. Can you believe 11 out of 13 transfers in a singles ward? Whew! CRAZY!

He said Yes!

SAN DIEGO —It has been one of those roller coaster rides for sure. I only have time to tell you one of my experiences this week, but it has been one that spanned the whole week, and will be a lesson I will NEVER forget.

September 21, 2012

Yesterday we had a lesson with Ryan at the Mormon Battalion. We met in the teaching room to talk about some of the concerns he had. 

He didn’t understand the Atonement, which is a big deal, as the Atonement is the very center to everything. We were lucky to have the chance to re-explain the precious gift that the Savior Jesus Christ gave to the world. I felt my lips moving as I looked him in the face, but the words were not my own. 

The Holy Ghost whispered as I spoke: "Ryan, Jesus Christ knelt in the Garden and suffered for you. He experienced how it felt when you had to watch your Father slowly fade from the earth. His heart was pierced the same way with the last memory you have of your father, a memory that haunts you to this day, He experienced living day after day year after year with anger building up in your heart, eating away at you. He will be on your right and on your left, and will be there to bear you up." 

After testifying of the Savior's Atonement, we committed him to keep his date of baptism for Saturday. He stared at me, this time with dark, smoldering eyes and said, "I’m sorry, but no." 

If the sound could be heard, the room would have been filled with the sound of two breaking hearts. 

Not broken out of him pushing his date back. My heart felt broken because he didn’t use the Atonement. I don’t even want to ever feel how Heavenly Father feels when we refuse to use the gift of the Atonement. It's the gift of change. 

I know how I felt at that very moment. That, I know was only a glimpse of how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ must feel. I was once told not to cry for others who are given the chance to use the Atonement, but only cry when they refuse to use it. 

After saying goodbye to Ryan, Sister Miller and I sat down in the theater. I rolled down in my chair, looked up at the ceiling and began to cry. Sister Miller grabbed my hand and we cried together. Then we knelt in prayer and cried and prayed some more. The Spirit filled my soul as Sister Miller asked if Ryan wouldn’t have the faith to overcome fear, please let our faith be enough. I know in God's timing, Ryan will enter the waters of baptism. Oh what a sweet and beautiful day that will be...."

September 23, 2012

"Sat with Ryan in a lesson today. He got out everything that has been bothering him. It is amazing to know that no matter who you are, where you come from, the healing power of Jesus Christ is real. 

Now that Ryan is ready to use the Atonement, I feel as if I want to jump for joy! We committed him to visit his dad’s grave, and to pray to his Heavenly Father as well so that he can feel the peace and comfort that comes from repentance..."

September 24, 2012

"Ryan came to the Battalion today. My heart has been in knots all week thinking about him. I care about him so much, and know that in order for him to find true happiness here on earth and to return to live with God, he needs to have the Gift of the Holy Ghost. 

I don’t think a second has gone by between Saturday and today that my heart has stopped praying that everything will be okay. We talked and talked about so many things: about eternal families, about the temple, about baptism. And here again, the Holy Ghost said, "Sister Newman, you recommit him to be baptized."

Again, I committed him to make a covenant with God. The silence between my question and his reply was unbearable, I thought my heart might collapse from what it's been through this week. He looked up at me, his eyes warmer today, brighter, free from guilt and shame, and said, "Yes". 

HE SAID YES!!!! HALLELUJAH!!! 

His life will be changed forever. Despite the bad, the hard, and the ugly in this world, a Heavenly Messenger of God can protect him...

I don’t care how bad this world gets. We are on the Lord's side.