Learning Heaven, Trusting God

SAN DIEGO — It seems so unreal that I have come to this point in my life and on my mission.

Is this really the last email I will write while sitting in San Diego? I have come to love this place with all my heart.

I love the people.
I love the missionaries.
I love the sights.
I love the experiences that will forever be in my heart.

Sister Kennington always says, "San Diego is my sacred ground." I am beginning to understand exactly what she means.

At the beginning of this last transfer, I struggled A LOT with "what ifs" and "should have beens":

"What if I spent five more minutes each day studying the scriptures?"

"I should have done this or that for my companion."

"Why wasn’t I more patient with people?”

I felt this blanket of regret weigh down on my soul.  Just as I began to let myself think I have not made a difference, I realized something —If I hadn’t messed up with teaching, patience, loving, working, listening and all of the other things I could have done, I would NEVER be the person I am today. 

Those trials, those moments of 'failure' were God's tender mercies to help me live the Atonement. through Jesus Christ, I have been able to change, to learn, and to grow. And THAT is something I have come to realize will never end. I will forever be learning, and growing, and becoming more like the Savior. I will forever embrace my inadequacies and trials, for they are what are refining me. What a beautiful thing that there is no expiration date to progression.

I have thought a lot about the lessons I have learned. I suppose if I were to make a "top ten list" It would be something like this:

1. Stay Pure in heart

2. Be the best version of yourself, not a bad version of someone else

3. A leader takes take the lead, he makes the lead

4. Exact obedience brings exact blessings

5. To prove to God you are worthy to take care of His prepared one, talk to EVERY one.

6. Work hard AND work smart

7. The Holy Ghost will not prompt a messenger that will not act

8. Specific Prayers get specific answers.

9. By small and simple things, great things come to pass.

10. Love people into doing what’s right.

I want to share one last experience I have had this past week. I have taught a Young Single Adult (we will call him Bill) for my whole time in the Helix Ward. He has had so many ups and downs, twists and turns, trials and triumphs. Every time I teach him, there is something in my soul that tells me I promised him I would find him. He has a special place in my heart. I hope as you read this, you too can feel what I feel as I have taught him.

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December 13, 2012

Just again tonight, I saw as the powers of Heaven helped me in this amazing work. Sister Jarrett and Crawford were together having their own adventures in the boonies of Jamul while I was with a member teaching Bill. 

We started talking with him, as I did my very best to listen to the promptings of the Spirit. There was a somber feeling in my heart. I could almost hear the hosts of heaven holding their breath, waiting to see what happened at this lesson. This is the first time he has met with us for over a month since we last spoke and he felt he needed time to himself. I felt the need to give him an overview of the Restoration, Plan of Salvation, and Gospel. 

After, he said, "When I was learning from you at first, I just thought you sisters were full of crap, but I just kept listening because you were cute, but now my heart feels different. I know it, and I want to keep learning." 

I asked him what living the Gospel to him even meant; his reply was the generic, "Be a good person, live right...." 

My heart felt like shouting out —WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET IT????? 

Calmly I told him, "Bill — that is what every Christian church teaches. We are not like every Christian church. What makes us different?" He thought for a minute and then said, "What I love about you Mormons is that you live what you believe." 

HOORAY! My spirit took courage as I realized the Holy Ghost was enlightening his mind.

"You are right, Bill. We do live our religion. The reason we do is because we make covenants with the Almighty God that obligate us to follow and bind us to Him. Unless you make those covenants, you might as well go to any other church you wish." 

I looked at him and told him that the whole time we have been meeting, from what he has been saying it sounds like, "Well God, it's a great plan, but I just don’t trust you." 

By this time I was shaking in my boots, I couldn’t believe the Holy Ghost wanted me to say all of this! Then, this thought came so strong: "Bill, your test is to trust God. We will have the baptismal font filled next Saturday, we will meet with you every day, and if you trust God, I know he will prepare you to be ready to make a covenant with him. What do you say?"

The room was dead silent. We knelt in prayer and he asked God to give him the strength to trust him. After the prayer, He looked up at me, and said. "Okay. I think I can do this."

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That was a sacred experience for me. I want you all to know that I have seen the powers of heaven this past year and a half. I know that will continue.

I have heard and seen and felt Heavenly Father in my life. That doesn’t have to stop.

I have learned lessons that are preparing me to return to live with God. I am learning heaven, not just earning it.

This work is true. It is our responsibility to learn it. Live it. Love it. And share it.

"That is your mission, my brethren and sisters of the Church, that is your responsibility. Freely, you have received and our Heavenly Father will expect you freely share with his other sons and daughters theses glorious truths. We will attain our exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom only on the condition that we share with our Father's other children the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and observe the commandments that will enrich our lives here and hereafter." - Joseph Smith

I testify of the truths I have shared with you today and the past 18 months and end this chapter of my life in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

May you all continue on in this cause — Courage brethren, forward not backward and on to the victory!

Helping Larry Remember

SAN DIEGO — I feel like this week, I need to share my experience at the Mormon Battalion. I think my journal entries will say enough.  
  

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December 5, 2012
  

Every day at the battalion is a new adventure. Some moments are spent helping less-active members once again feel the Holy Ghost penetrate their long-overdue hearts. Others are filled teaching families how to build and strengthen relationships. Then there are the times where Heavenly Father sends His precious children to learn and feel of the Restored Gospel they once knew before their mortal lives on earth.
    

Today, Heavenly Father gave me the adventure of helping Larry remember. 
   

Jimmy from Taiwan walked into the Battalion this morning. Despite his broken English, he was able to understand that we could tell him a story of a group of soldiers who had the courage and faith to follow a prophet of God. He agreed to come with us and was rather excited that we told him we could give the tour in Mandarin. Just as I walked Jimmy to the first room, Larry from China walked in with Sister Jarrett. He too, wanted to hear the promised story of service, sacrifice, and faith.
 

We finished the tour and walked them both into the resource room. I stood in front of the glass case that holds the Book of Mormon and the Bible as Larry told me how his wife encouraged him to travel the world to get a new perspective of life other than that of Mainland China. He spoke and I listened (and prayed) with all my heart knowing that the thing he needed to hear the most was sitting in a glass case right next to me.     

He spoke of his dear wife and his little boy and how they have made the difference in his life. As we talked about the families in the Battalion, he choked up, “I am just so scared to die and leave them behind,” he almost whispered. 
 

I took him to the teaching room, and on the back of one of the comment cards, I sketched out the Plan of Salvation as simply as I could. Tears streamed down his face as I told him that God was a real being, his actual Father and not just some unseen power floating in the universe. When I spoke of temples and eternal families, I could almost feel the excitement trying to escape from his heart, knowing he could have his wife and little boy forever. I knew he needed to see and feel the power of eternal families, so we watched the God's Plan video together. I tried to sneak glimpses of his face, every time I did, he was mesmerized. I only wish I knew what he was thinking.

After the film, he was silent for a while. When he looked up at me, I will never forget what he said.
 

 

“My parents are part of Communist China. Many of my people don’t believe in God. They believe in proving themselves by getting to the top no matter what it takes. I never could hug my parents. I don’t want that for my little boy. When he grows up, I want him to know that he can hug his dad. I just don’t know how to love.”      

 

I testified that the gospel of Jesus Christ would strengthen his family, and teach him how to love. He just kept nodding his head. He told me that as he was walking around Old Town, he got the feeling to walk up the hill to see the town better. Just at that moment, my sweet companion, Sister Jarrett got the same feeling that she should walk to the statue to find guests to welcome in which is where she found Larry. What a divine intervention from Heaven. Larry left today with a Book of Mormon, knowledge of the plan that God has for him, and a desire to love.
 

December 7, 2012
 

I was taking pictures of my tour in the resource room this morning when Sister McNeil told me  “A Larry was here" to see me.

“Wait a minute. Larry? Like, Larry from China?” I thought to myself.
 

No way could it be! I walked up to the front and yes indeed, it was Larry from China. My heart started pounding. Something inside me told me that this meeting was really important.
 

We walked to the teaching room and before I could even sit down, he started talking about how he had been reading the Book of Mormon and was having trouble understanding it, but he really wanted to know more. He talked to his wife last night. She was mad at first, but after he explained what he had learned, she wanted him to learn more. In China, he explained, the way you say “Mormon” can also sound like the word “Evil”, so many people think Mormons are an evil religion (What a pest Satan can be!).
 

He was so excited learning about families the other day, he asked me to help him understand more where we came from. Once again, I got my handy dandy referral card out and sketched a simple diagram of the Restoration. At the part of the great apostasy, he slapped his hand on his forehead and exclaimed, “Oh! I get it, I’ve seen that part in the movies!’ (He was referring to the Dark Ages).
 

    

I played the Restoration movie in Mandarin and we watched it together. It was amazing to me the Spirit and power that filled my soul, even though I couldn’t understand a word of what was being said. I know he felt it, too.
 

After the movie, I asked him what he felt about it. He said, “I think I will be like Joseph Smith and study this out for myself." I looked him in the eye and testified that if he would do just that, God would answer his prayers. He got a thoughtful look on his face and then asked, ‘Sister Newman, when I go home I want to share with my class what I learned from you today. Is that okay? I don’t want to force them to be Mormon, but I know that this can help them change.”
 

I told him that I knew he would be an influence for his family and all of China, and that he would need extra help. So we knelt down together in the teaching room and I taught a man, that just two days ago learned he was a Son of God, how to pray.
 

Shivers ran down my whole body as I listened to Larry speak to God for the first time here on earth. “Heavenly Father” he said. “The other day I wanted what Sister Newman taught me for my family. But today I ask that you help it sprout through all of China."
 

And through all of China I know that someday, it will. I can feel the power of this work. I can see it hastening on. And I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for letting me be a part of it. And especially for letting me help Larry remember.
 

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I know God is in this work. He is real. I know it with all my heart. These are things to share. Please don’t be afraid!
 

Harry Potter and the Convert from Hong Kong

SAN DIEGO —This week was AMAZING. Brady got baptized!

Let me start you off with a laugh:

The day Brady was supposed to be interviewed for his baptism, we set up splits (we split up as missionaries and go teach with a member). Our district leader forgot about the interview.

Long story short, Neil, one of our members who always rescues us, drove to the church to be our district leader’s companion so the other two elders could teach their lesson and we could still have Brady interviewed for the next day. While we were waiting for Brady to get done, I practiced with Neil and Adrienne how to bring up the Gospel in everyday conversation. They were practicing at a grocery store when Brady came out of the interview. He listened as they finished. I felt the need to ask Brady to practice also so I turned to him and said, "Hey Brady, you are almost a Mormon, why don’t you come practice sharing the gospel!"

He picked the scenario to be at a bookstore. Adrienne was pretending to read a book (She only had Preach my Gospel so she was using that).

Brady asked her, "What book are you reading"

"1984, she replied".

"No your not!" Brady said, as he took the Preach my Gospel and started scanning it over. "This is printed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!"

I thought to myself, "oh dear, what have we got ourselves into: He doesn’t even know how to pretend!" (Remember Brady has only spent four or so weeks in America, after living in Hong Kong all his life).

After teaching him how to pretend we started again.

"What book are you reading?" Brady asked.

"1984" replied Adrienne.

"Oh! What kind of books do you like to read?" asked Brady

"Oh all kinds, history, adventure, action....” replied Adrienne

Brady sat for a second, "Well have you ever read Harry Potter?" (At this time I was thinking, where is he going with this?)

"Yaw" she said, "I love Harry Potter!"

"Well you know how the pictures move? There is a cool place in Old Town that has talking pictures that move too. It’s about Mormons. I’m a Mormon too! And I would love to invite you!"

I looked around the room. Elder Clarke's jaw was to the ground, Adrienne had the biggest grin across her face, and Neil looked stunned! YESSS! Our soon-to-be recent convert shared the gospel in a bookstore using Harry Potter. THAT is what I am talking about doing missionary work!

To tell you more about Brady, I want to share my journal entry from his baptism this Saturday:

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December 1, 2012

"It is amazing what a single action can do to change the life of an individual. Sister Riggs and the Hudsons made that single action just a few weeks ago as they listened to the promptings of the Holy Ghost and street contacted Brady. A single "hello" and a start of a conversation brought him to the waters of baptism today. 

Brady has already paid that single action forward. This morning, he and his friend, Steve walked into the Elder’s Quorum room this morning where the font is. We were introduced to his friend who sat down with us while Brady was getting changed into his white clothes.

Steve looked at me and said, "I want to know how Brady, who has grown up all his life going to Christian schools and not changed a tiny bit, wants to be baptized into your church after only a few weeks."

He continued, “I have never felt anything from a church before, and I don’t expect to. But I want to learn more about what you taught him."

A single invite to a baptism, and Steve has been introduced to a message that will change his life forever.

Baptisms are always filled with the spirit. Brady's was no different. 

Oscar and Parker talked about following Jesus Christ and enduring to the end. Corey sang a beautiful song. There is no way anyone sitting in that room could doubt the powers of Heaven were present. I watched Brady walk into the font and be baptized.  Someone who holds the restored Priesthood of God baptized him. I wish I could have had a glimpse of the angels in heaven rejoicing as Brady made his first covenant with God. His testimony was so powerful. He talked about his life in Hong Kong — growing up in school, he felt forced into Christianity and so he fell away. He decided that the wanted to lean towards the sciences and math, and just be a good person. Then, just a month ago, he came to America and met the sisters. He talked about how his friends kept asking, "How can you do this?" "Why do you believe this anyway?" Brady's reply has stuck in my thoughts these last few days. He looked at us as he was sharing his story and said,

"I could have told them a lot of things. But I knew the most important thing to say was, I feel it. I just feel it."

I felt it right then. All I can say is, I too felt it. I felt it as he was baptized. I felt it as he shared his story. And I felt it as a young single adult from China bore his testimony that he knew the Book of Mormon is true and that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God..."

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The Holy Ghost is the only one who can seal our testimonies. Think of Alma. He said, I know of a surety because of the Holy Ghost, not because I saw an angel. I want you to know that I know Jesus is the Christ. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. And I know that Joseph Smith was called by God to restore the Church of Jesus Christ to the earth.

Just as President Monson counseled in General Conference:  IF you don’t have a testimony, find it. If it’s not as strong as you would like, fix it. And if it is strong and deep, keep it that way.

You don’t have to know everything. Notice what you feel inside. Especially as this month is centered on the Savior. Notice how you feel as the world testifies of Him. It is no wonder to me, that there is a different spirit during this month — because the Spirit is testifying to the world of the testimonies that are being shared of the Savior of the world.

I love you all! Merry Christmas!

I never answered the phone

SAN DIEGO — Can you believe I am on my last transfer? I am so thankful Heavenly Father let me have 13 instead of 12. 

Transfers work like this: Tuesday morning, our zone leaders call and the zone leaders tell you if you are leaving and or if you are training. It’s really funny at the Battalion, because we are all at the laundromat Tuesday morning. So here I am folding my clothes, and all these sisters start getting calls. Everyone is freaking out because they get to stay together or whatnot. Well, Sister Jarrett and I start getting more and more nervous because almost all of the English-speaking sisters were called and only one was training...

We got our call and I am finishing training Sister Jarrett on her last 6 weeks and we are going to be in a trio training one of the new sisters! WHEW!

Heavenly Father knows is really pushing me to the finish line! Please pray for our area, we really need to find some more people! I don’t know who the new sister is, but one is from Africa and one from Samoa, so either way SO FUN!

Missionary work has been on my mind a lot lately. Specifically, member missionary work. President keeps reminding us that because of all the new missionaries. We have got to make sure the members help us, or there will not be enough work to do. Our bishop asked us to speak last Sunday on missionary work as well, so I feel like it is the lesson I have been learning this week that I want to share with you.

I remember when I was in Young Womens and there was a signup sheet to go out with the missionaries that was passed around if we could drive the sisters to their appointments. I had no problem with driving, in fact I really wanted to help, but I was so scared to be in a lesson — a real, live lesson with missionaries and non-members! I felt bad because the signup sheet went around, and no one signed it.

I kind of felt obligated to, so I did. The sister missionaries called me the next day, but I was too scared to answer the phone. For the next few weeks or so, they kept calling, and still, I was too scared. I’m sad to say I NEVER ANSWERED THE PHONE!

I didn’t understand my purpose as a member in God's kingdom. We are to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel. It doesn’t have to be that hard. We have to "stand as witnesses at all times and in all things and in all places."

I’m reminded of a story about Elder (Neal A.) Maxwell. He was assigned to visit a mission in Brazil. Prior to leaving, he found out he had leukemia. He begged the First Presidency to let him go before he started chemotherapy. He arrived in the mission, and the president and his wife kept him busy, speaking and visiting people there (They had no idea that Elder Maxwell was so sick). 

As the time came to a close, Elder Maxwell was told of a little boy, Jared Ammon, who was sick in a hospital with leukemia and desired a blessing. Elder Maxwell went to visit the boy and gave him the requested blessing. He asked the little boy, who was alone with only his sister, what else he could do for him. "Would you sing me, 'I am a child of God?'" Jared replied. Elder Maxwell cradled the little boy and sang him that beautiful song.

Elder Maxwell lived his life as a disciple of Christ. Sometimes we think we have to be an Apostle or a General Authority to be a witness of Christ. That is just not true. You may not know everything, but you know enough!

The Widow of Zarephath had little, but gave it all

Think of Elijah in the Old Testament: wandering through the city of Zarephath, he sees a woman, and asks her for some water. She kindly turns to go get him a drink.

And then Elijah asks, and could I have some bread too?

This time, the poor woman looks back in distress. 

"But sir, I only have a handful of meal and a cruse of oil, I was preparing the last meal for me and my son before we die."

Elijah replies to this woman of faith: "Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth. Bring what you have to the Lord and He will magnify it.” (1 Kings 17: 8-16)

That’s what I have been trying to do this week. I don't have a lot to give, but as I have given my all, Heavenly Father has magnified it.

Yesterday, I took a tour with a man and his daughter, Bryce (she was named after Bryce Canyon, fun fact). Anyway, they are non-members from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida (also fun fact as I got to tell them my brother served a Mormon mission there). I was so exhausted, having taken a few tours before and not eaten dinner yet, but I knew this tour was important. They didn't even want to go on it, but I talked them into going on the first two rooms.  I did the best I could, and to my surprise in the outfitting room, they asked about the Restoration of the Gospel, which I was able to testify of.

The dad just kept saying, "that makes sense, because all the people came up with their own ideas, I see why we have so many churches!" Then, they kept asking and asking about the story, so I asked if they wanted to just finish the tour, which they did. In the courthouse, he asked about Joseph Smith, which I was able to tell him what Joseph Smith saw. 

There is a special spirit, and you can feel it when God's children come into the Battalion prepared. This family was one of them. And though I had little to give, I gave it, and Heavenly Father magnified it.

I love how Lehi describes the fruit of the tree in his vision: "I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted." 

THAT is what the Gospel sounds like to me! 

When I had my birthday earlier this year, one of our members in Black Mountain, Paul, brought in this golden box and set it on the table in front of me. I looked at it with curiosity and he said, go on open it. I did, and inside was the most beautiful cake I have ever seen in my whole life. (I think I sent a picture of it home). It was dark chocolate with curly cursive handwriting (Sister Kennington’s favorite) and golden sparkles! It had beautiful purple flowers on it too. Paul told me about how it was supposed to taste, and I just couldn’t wait to eat it and share it. I ran back to the kitchen right there and we shared it with him and the rest of the sisters at the Battalion.

THAT is what sharing the Gospel should be like. If Paul would have come in, opened of the box, grabbed a handful of cake and thrown it at my face, I would not have been happy to say the least. The cake would still have been beautiful, and still tasted good, but I would not have wanted it.

I know that sharing the gospel can be hard. (Remember, I really do know: I NEVER ANSWERED THE PHONE!) Elder Holland said, "Missionary work is not easy because salvation isn’t cheap." How true that is! There are so many things you can do. I'm already thinking of the kind of member I want to be when I go home.

When your friends, coworkers or neighbors ask you how your weekend went, do you respond with a "Oh, it was great, how about yours?" Or do you tell them about the ward activity you went to, or what you learned at church? If you are too scared you can't answer their questions, have you made a mormon.org profile and told your friends to check it out? Have you prayed as families of what less-active member you could invite just to have dinner? No strings attached, just dinner!

That is something I have learned from the members here in San Diego. No, they aren’t perfect, but they ask. They share. Their ward councils and Relief Society meetings, Young Mens and Young Womens are all focused about rescuing, retaining, and finding- MISSIONARY WORK! You cannot keep the cake for yourself!

In Preach My Gospel, there is a quote by George Albert Smith:

"That is your mission, my brethren and sisters of the church, that is your responsibility. Freely you have received and our Heavenly Father will expect you to freely share with His other sons and daughters these glorious truths. We will attain our exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom ONLY on the condition that we share with our Fathers other children the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and observe the commandments that will enrich our lives here and hereafter."

Intense, right? 

But really, you can do it! "Minastraba" in some language I totally forgot, but Elder Zwick told us once, means to "put it on your heart". Put your missionary purpose on your heart, and you will see miracles. Just like the man from Florida this week: I see miracles every second of every day and it never has to stop. Not for you and not for me.

Just remember, missionary work is not easy because salvation isn’t cheap!

 

Pure love and agency

SAN DIEGO — I have a lot of thoughts and emotions right now. I honestly had an internal debate whether I wanted to write home or not this week. Of course, the Holy Ghost bonked me over the head and told me, "don’t you dare, your mother needs a letter!" The Holy Ghost is ALWAYS right.

We just got back from what is called a "sisters retreat", where all of the sisters in the mission met at the Clayton's home and had lunch. We learned from President, Sister Clayton and the training sisters. Sister Clayton spoke. I don’t really remember what she said, but the tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked around at the beautiful scene of a roomful of Sisters in Zion.  My heart hurts at the thought that my time is almost finished here in San Diego. What an amazing journey this has been.

I sometimes get the time to ponder about the plan God has for us. I have had a few of those moments this week.

The first thing I was pondering about was the love Heavenly Father has for us. 

Yesterday, I was teaching a man who doesn’t leave his home, he plays video games all day, and does drugs and alcohol. His father is Mormon, so he asked if we could come and teach him more about the Church. At first glance, my immediate reaction was, "There is no way this man will accept or live the gospel." The Spirit kindly chastised me, and I cringed thinking, "Who are you, Sister Newman, to say who can and cannot be changed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ?" 

I said a silent prayer, and pictured him being sealed to his future spouse. During the lesson, I told him that I knew we didn’t know about him, but we cared about him and loved him. He surprised me by saying. "How can you?" Heavenly Father opened my heart, and somehow, some way, he helped me love this man just as He did. That is how I know that God loves all of us.

I was also pondering a lot about agency this week. Agency is such an important part of the Plan of Happiness. God will not and never has forced us to do anything. I have seen that this week with many of our investigators.

Selina watched the Joseph Smith movie and explained that she knew she needed to read the Book of Mormon to find out it was true, only to tell us this morning that she would be too busy to learn. 

Lupita, whose sister is a Mormon, is sitting in lukewarm water, not caring either way if the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored again. 

Celeste decided that she felt too much pressure and won't answer any of our calls. 

Every single one of them, just prior to their decision to ignore and turn away, had a spiritual experience as the Holy Ghost testified that what we were saying was true. As much as it hurts my heart, I know that they have to be able to choose. I wait patiently for the day in heaven, when I can sit by their side, wrap my arms around them, and tell them how grateful I am that they are here.

Lastly, I have come to realize how perfect this plan is. We just taught Brady the Plan of Salvation. At the end of the lesson, Sister Jarrett asked what he thought of the Plan of Salvation. He smiled, rubbed his chin and then replied in his Chinese accent, "Well, I think the Plan is perfect!" He is a sweet, sweet soul.

My conclusion for this week's experience is that I am just a tool in this perfect work. The pain, hurt, frustration, and tiredness can be taken away if I could but trust in Heavenly Father. He’s in charge! Why worry so much? If I am just where I need to be doing what I need to be doing, I can have complete trust that Jesus Christ will make sure that the work is moving forward. The Atonement is so real. My heart is changing. I know yours can, too.

We can be made whole through this perfect plan. Holy smokes, it is so great. I love Heavenly Father so much. Sometimes, I get so homesick for Heaven. But boy, am I grateful for this time on earth to learn, love, and experience the joy of living.

There is joy in this journey!

Calloused

SAN DIEGO — It’s weird when fall hits, and the sun is still shining here as bright as ever. It messes me up sometimes!

This week, it has really hit me how urgent this work is. God really is hastening His work. We are gearing up for about 50-75 new missionaries come January. What an amazing work this is! I feel the urgency inside of me, my spirit is trying to sprint to the finish, it is all I can do to keep up the best I can. There is just so much work to be done. 

I can see how hard both forces are working in this world. It has been so evident this week how hard Satan is working to confuse, distract, and lead away the children of God. Many of our investigators have testified of the truth, yet they refuse to live the gospel. It has broken my heart. There comes a point when they have to choose — choose to follow God, or choose to turn away, to step back into the world they came from. A world of chaos, distraction, and loneliness. The hardest moments on my mission have been the times when I look at one of my investigators, someone I have come to love with all my heart, and they look me back in the eye and tell me they do not want the gospel in their lives.  

It is devastating. But the work will move on.

I have noticed on the streets, the world is getting harder, tougher, and more calloused. People we talk to on the street laugh and make fun of us. Some are kind, but refuse to believe that they have to live the gospel of Jesus Christ to return to live with God. They think that they can do it on their own. We are getting to the point where I feel like we are trudging through mud, trying hard as we might to find those that are prepared. Despite the difficulty, the work will move on.

I have had many experiences this week, but I would like to share with you an experience from the Mormon Battalion Historic Site I had while I was on shift.

November 3, 2012

I was finishing up a tour in gold panning, and a middle-aged gentleman walked up, looking around like he had just walked up to the historic site. I excused myself from the family I was helping and welcomed him to the Battalion and to Old Town. 

We talked for a minute and I asked if I could show him how to pan for gold. He agreed and we started panning. Over the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences talking with people at the Battalion or at the temple where a peace comes over my heart, and I am certain that they are a child of God that specifically has been guided at that time and at that moment to be healed by the message of the Restored Gospel. 

As I talked to him, I had that peace come over my heart. 

I looked at him and could feel the burden on his heart. I could see it in the sadness and darkness of his eyes. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I just told him that I could tell he had a burden on his heart, and wondered if he wanted to talk about it. 

He told me that he just didn’t like where he was at this point in his life. 

"I just go out on the weekends and drink, and party, and I don’t even know why I do it. I suppose because I am bored and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to change" 

I testified of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the power it has to lift his burdens, to comfort his heart, and that through the gift of the Atonement, he had the power to change. We walked into the resource room and looked at the display of the Book of Mormon and of the Bible. How amazing it was to me to be able to testify of the Old and New Testament, and Another Testament of Jesus Christ. The books that contain the Gospel, the way to find peace and joy in this life. 

He looked at them for a while and then looked up at me with his sad eyes and told met that ' I just feel like I have calluses on my heart. I just can’t feel anymore." 

I asked him if he had ever felt the Spirit before. He said, "Once. When I was a young boy, I felt that I should go back to church. I knew God was speaking to me and I didn’t do it." 

We slowly walked to the lobby and sat on the couch. I testified that the missionaries could teach him how to get rid of the calluses on his heart and help him start over, completely change. I felt the Holy Ghost remind me of my missionary purpose — To invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great is my calling!

I turned to him and asked him if he found that what I was teaching is true, would someone holding the priesthood authority of God baptize him. He looked at me and said, yes. He hadn’t prayed since he was little, so we went to the theater and knelt down in prayer. I prayed first and then he followed. His prayer was the most sincere prayer I have heard. I felt honored to be kneeling in a room where God's son — His little boy —was returning back to Him.

That moment will be one I never forget.

The lesson I learned through this is that, yes, things are hard, the world is bad, and Satan is loosing his chains over the whole earth. But GOD'S WORK WILL MOVE FORWARD. And we have the responsibility to be part of it. 

Are you joining the fight, or are you sitting on the sidelines? With or without you, His work will continue.

Time

SAN DIEGO — I only have about ten minutes to write this week. I am so sorry, I just ran out of time. It's funny that it happened because what I have been pondering lately is time. What precious moments these are.

There is a quote Sister Jarrett showed me from Elder Ardern's talk from a previous conference:

"Time is never for sale; time is a commodity that cannot, try as you may, be bought at any store for any price. Yet when time is wisely used, its value is immeasurable. On any given day we are all allocated, without cost, the same number of minutes and hours to use, and we soon learn, as the familiar hymn so carefully teaches, “Time flies on wings of lightning; we cannot call it back” (“Improve the Shining Moments,” Hymns, no. 226). What time we have we must use wisely. President Brigham Young said, “We are all indebted to God for the ability to use time to advantage, and he will require of us a strict account of [its] disposition”

"With the demands made of us, we must learn to prioritize our choices to match our goals or risk being exposed to the winds of procrastination and being blown from one time-wasting activity to another...

"... The poor use of time is a close cousin of idleness. As we follow the command to “cease to be idle” (D&C 88:124), we must be sure that being busy also equates to being productive. For example, it is wonderful to have the means of instant communication quite literally at our fingertips, but let us be sure that we do not become compulsive fingertip communicators. I sense that some are trapped in a new time-consuming addiction—one that enslaves us to be constantly checking and sending social messages and thus giving the false impression of being busy and productive.

"Satan will tempt us to misuse our time through disguised distractions... As many have already discovered, there is an increase of happiness in life as we use our time to seek after those things which are “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy

"I know our greatest happiness comes as we tune in to the Lord (see Alma 37:37) and to those things which bring a lasting reward, rather than mindlessly tuning in to countless hours of status updates, Internet farming, and catapulting angry birds at concrete walls. I urge each of us to take those things which rob us of precious time and determine to be their master, rather than allowing them through their addictive nature to be the master of us.

Alma spoke of priorities when he taught that “this life became a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God” (Alma 12:24)...  I testify that when help is prayerfully and sincerely sought, our Heavenly Father will help us to give emphasis to that which deserves our time above something else... 

To have the peace the Savior speaks of (see John 14:27), we must devote our time to the things that matter most, and the things of God matter most. As we engage with God in sincere prayer, read and study each day from the scriptures, ponder on what we have read and felt, and then apply and live the lessons learned, we draw nearer to Him. God’s promise is that... “[He] shall give unto [us] knowledge by his Holy Spirit”

I testify that there are great rewards for those who take time in mortality to prepare for immortality and eternal life.

A few days ago, I calculated out how much time I really get to teach each day until the end of my mission. When you take out time for sleep, eating, study, and don’t count the tours at the Mormon Battalion, the precious time left of my mission adds up to about ten days. Elder Zwick talked about how we as missionaries are to live the law of consecration, it is by the "perfect use of time". I think that statement applies not only to my life, but also to our lives.

We have been trying to do that this week — using our time perfectly. We have been more organized, more on time, and more planned out. What I have learned is that when I make an effort to perfectly use His time, He allows me to be part of His perfect timing. I have made a goal to do what President Monson asked. The other day we were driving (I was lost, of course), and we saw a girl walking alongside the road. I had this feeling to pull over. 

"Why?" I asked myself. 

We have to get to these people's house, I’m going to scare this girl half to death, and I’m not exactly sure what my companion will think. But my spirit thought, "No, you do it and you do it NOW," so we pulled over, and talked to Gemma (pronounced hemma). We testified boldly of the Restoration and of Prophets. She was astonished, and wanted to know more. That is God's timing.

God will use every second of your time, it just depends on how much you give him. Do you give him an hour? 20 minutes? 30 seconds?

Time is precious. Time is easily wasted. And time is something we will be held accountable to God when the day comes that we are reunited with Father.

I have felt and seen the joy that comes from giving your life to Heavenly Father. We are missionaries now and forever. You can’t turn back. You are and always will be disciples of Jesus Christ. I hope you do what I did. Calculate how much time you are using during the day. I think you will be surprised how much time you have. What will you use it for?

Let the Lower Lights Be Burning

SAN DIEGO — I am so glad you are doing well! :) My week has been hard on my heart, that is for sure. I wish I could explain, but it is just so hard to.

Let me first start with transfers. You all asked a lot about how that works, and I realize I probably haven’t done very well at explaining. I am serving at the Mormon Battalion Historic Site six hours a day and I am assigned an area that I drive to for six hours a day. We rotate whether we take the morning or evening shift, so we can have both mornings and evenings in our area each week. We all live in Old Town San Diego so we can be close to the Mormon Battalion. My area is Helix Singles Ward. It is a HUGE area, covering 5 main city suburbs of San Diego. This is my third transfer here, and I will most likely end my mission here, as I am training Sister Jerrett. 

The church has a 12-week training program for new missionaries. We have a handbook, practice and reading materials from Preach My Gospel and the scriptures so that I can help Sister Jerrett, if called upon, to train after twelve weeks of being in the mission. I was really emotional this week sitting in the trainer’s meeting with President and the rest of the trainers. I think it hit me how much Heavenly Father loves Sister Jerrett, and how Heavenly Father has trusted me to help this be the standard for the rest of her mission and on into eternity.

Sister Jerrett is so great. She is 23 years old from Winnemucca, Nevada. She graduated from BYU in Human Development. Chris (Brittany’s older brother) and I were actually in her BYU ward at Roman Gardens! Chris may have played soccer with Jessica Buxton, her roommate? She recognized him in our family picture. Small world huh? It is so interesting the last two transfers training Sister Miller. I know it will be very different from training Sister Jerrett. They both are amazing missionaries, just very, very different. I suppose this is great practice for having kids. Let's just hope I don’t get any as sassy as me, right, dad?

Let the lower lights be burning, send a gleam across the wave!

 Do you all remember Daniel? The night before his baptism, he texted us and said he is "walking away". 

If you knew Daniel, if you could have just been in the room with me hearing his testimony of the Book of Mormon, if you could listen to his prayers as he plead with Heavenly Father to help him, watching his determination to live the commandments, you would understand how hard that was to hear. I haven’t heard from him since, but we will never stop praying or looking for him. The worth of every soul is great in the sight of God.

That same night, Robert looked me in the eyes and I asked him.

Robert, "Do you know the Book of Mormon is true?" 

He responded, "Yes".

"Robert, do you know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God?"

Again he responded, “Yes.”

"Do you know that The Church of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth?"

Robert responded, “Yes”

And then I asked him if he would continue to prepare for the day he set to be baptized?

Robert responded that he would not.

Even with knowledge that this is true, he said no. I wish I had an eternal perspective. I know that it will all work out, but I don’t understand why things happen sometimes!

All I can say today is how grateful I am to be a missionary. Do you remember the talk about the "lower light" from General Conference? Sister Jerrett and I sang that this morning and it really hit me what a responsibility I have knowing I am a daughter of God, and exactly what we all have to do to return to live in His presence again.

Look at the Hymn, "Brightly Beams Ours Fathers Mercy":

Brightly Beams our Father's mercy from his lighthouse evermore: His Gospel will NEVER stop shining upon the world that is dark and lost.

But to us he gives the keeping of the lights along the shore: WE are the ones responsible for shining that light. If we don’t, who will?

(Verse 2)

Dark the night of sin has settled; Loud the angry billows roar, Eager eyes are watching, longing for the lights along the shore:  There ARE and always WILL BE sailors lost at sea looking for the lower light to guide them safely home. Have you left your post? For a second? For quite some time? Come back! Your light is needed to guide someone safely home.

(Verse 3)

Trim your feeble lamp, my brother, some poor sailor, tempest tossed. Trying now to make the harbor, in the darkness may be lost- Strengthen your testimony, no matter who you are, we need to trim our lamps to shine forth and be a standard to the nations.

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I think being a missionary opens one's eyes to the urgency of this work. You may read these emails and think, "Oh she’s just a missionary". That I am and forever will be. I cannot and will never go back. Neither should you.

Love you all, I hope you think about the way you are using this precious time on earth, for we will all be held accountable for every single moment.