Learning Heaven, Trusting God

SAN DIEGO — It seems so unreal that I have come to this point in my life and on my mission.

Is this really the last email I will write while sitting in San Diego? I have come to love this place with all my heart.

I love the people.
I love the missionaries.
I love the sights.
I love the experiences that will forever be in my heart.

Sister Kennington always says, "San Diego is my sacred ground." I am beginning to understand exactly what she means.

At the beginning of this last transfer, I struggled A LOT with "what ifs" and "should have beens":

"What if I spent five more minutes each day studying the scriptures?"

"I should have done this or that for my companion."

"Why wasn’t I more patient with people?”

I felt this blanket of regret weigh down on my soul.  Just as I began to let myself think I have not made a difference, I realized something —If I hadn’t messed up with teaching, patience, loving, working, listening and all of the other things I could have done, I would NEVER be the person I am today. 

Those trials, those moments of 'failure' were God's tender mercies to help me live the Atonement. through Jesus Christ, I have been able to change, to learn, and to grow. And THAT is something I have come to realize will never end. I will forever be learning, and growing, and becoming more like the Savior. I will forever embrace my inadequacies and trials, for they are what are refining me. What a beautiful thing that there is no expiration date to progression.

I have thought a lot about the lessons I have learned. I suppose if I were to make a "top ten list" It would be something like this:

1. Stay Pure in heart

2. Be the best version of yourself, not a bad version of someone else

3. A leader takes take the lead, he makes the lead

4. Exact obedience brings exact blessings

5. To prove to God you are worthy to take care of His prepared one, talk to EVERY one.

6. Work hard AND work smart

7. The Holy Ghost will not prompt a messenger that will not act

8. Specific Prayers get specific answers.

9. By small and simple things, great things come to pass.

10. Love people into doing what’s right.

I want to share one last experience I have had this past week. I have taught a Young Single Adult (we will call him Bill) for my whole time in the Helix Ward. He has had so many ups and downs, twists and turns, trials and triumphs. Every time I teach him, there is something in my soul that tells me I promised him I would find him. He has a special place in my heart. I hope as you read this, you too can feel what I feel as I have taught him.

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December 13, 2012

Just again tonight, I saw as the powers of Heaven helped me in this amazing work. Sister Jarrett and Crawford were together having their own adventures in the boonies of Jamul while I was with a member teaching Bill. 

We started talking with him, as I did my very best to listen to the promptings of the Spirit. There was a somber feeling in my heart. I could almost hear the hosts of heaven holding their breath, waiting to see what happened at this lesson. This is the first time he has met with us for over a month since we last spoke and he felt he needed time to himself. I felt the need to give him an overview of the Restoration, Plan of Salvation, and Gospel. 

After, he said, "When I was learning from you at first, I just thought you sisters were full of crap, but I just kept listening because you were cute, but now my heart feels different. I know it, and I want to keep learning." 

I asked him what living the Gospel to him even meant; his reply was the generic, "Be a good person, live right...." 

My heart felt like shouting out —WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GET IT????? 

Calmly I told him, "Bill — that is what every Christian church teaches. We are not like every Christian church. What makes us different?" He thought for a minute and then said, "What I love about you Mormons is that you live what you believe." 

HOORAY! My spirit took courage as I realized the Holy Ghost was enlightening his mind.

"You are right, Bill. We do live our religion. The reason we do is because we make covenants with the Almighty God that obligate us to follow and bind us to Him. Unless you make those covenants, you might as well go to any other church you wish." 

I looked at him and told him that the whole time we have been meeting, from what he has been saying it sounds like, "Well God, it's a great plan, but I just don’t trust you." 

By this time I was shaking in my boots, I couldn’t believe the Holy Ghost wanted me to say all of this! Then, this thought came so strong: "Bill, your test is to trust God. We will have the baptismal font filled next Saturday, we will meet with you every day, and if you trust God, I know he will prepare you to be ready to make a covenant with him. What do you say?"

The room was dead silent. We knelt in prayer and he asked God to give him the strength to trust him. After the prayer, He looked up at me, and said. "Okay. I think I can do this."

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That was a sacred experience for me. I want you all to know that I have seen the powers of heaven this past year and a half. I know that will continue.

I have heard and seen and felt Heavenly Father in my life. That doesn’t have to stop.

I have learned lessons that are preparing me to return to live with God. I am learning heaven, not just earning it.

This work is true. It is our responsibility to learn it. Live it. Love it. And share it.

"That is your mission, my brethren and sisters of the Church, that is your responsibility. Freely, you have received and our Heavenly Father will expect you freely share with his other sons and daughters theses glorious truths. We will attain our exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom only on the condition that we share with our Father's other children the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and observe the commandments that will enrich our lives here and hereafter." - Joseph Smith

I testify of the truths I have shared with you today and the past 18 months and end this chapter of my life in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

May you all continue on in this cause — Courage brethren, forward not backward and on to the victory!

Helping Larry Remember

SAN DIEGO — I feel like this week, I need to share my experience at the Mormon Battalion. I think my journal entries will say enough.  
  

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December 5, 2012
  

Every day at the battalion is a new adventure. Some moments are spent helping less-active members once again feel the Holy Ghost penetrate their long-overdue hearts. Others are filled teaching families how to build and strengthen relationships. Then there are the times where Heavenly Father sends His precious children to learn and feel of the Restored Gospel they once knew before their mortal lives on earth.
    

Today, Heavenly Father gave me the adventure of helping Larry remember. 
   

Jimmy from Taiwan walked into the Battalion this morning. Despite his broken English, he was able to understand that we could tell him a story of a group of soldiers who had the courage and faith to follow a prophet of God. He agreed to come with us and was rather excited that we told him we could give the tour in Mandarin. Just as I walked Jimmy to the first room, Larry from China walked in with Sister Jarrett. He too, wanted to hear the promised story of service, sacrifice, and faith.
 

We finished the tour and walked them both into the resource room. I stood in front of the glass case that holds the Book of Mormon and the Bible as Larry told me how his wife encouraged him to travel the world to get a new perspective of life other than that of Mainland China. He spoke and I listened (and prayed) with all my heart knowing that the thing he needed to hear the most was sitting in a glass case right next to me.     

He spoke of his dear wife and his little boy and how they have made the difference in his life. As we talked about the families in the Battalion, he choked up, “I am just so scared to die and leave them behind,” he almost whispered. 
 

I took him to the teaching room, and on the back of one of the comment cards, I sketched out the Plan of Salvation as simply as I could. Tears streamed down his face as I told him that God was a real being, his actual Father and not just some unseen power floating in the universe. When I spoke of temples and eternal families, I could almost feel the excitement trying to escape from his heart, knowing he could have his wife and little boy forever. I knew he needed to see and feel the power of eternal families, so we watched the God's Plan video together. I tried to sneak glimpses of his face, every time I did, he was mesmerized. I only wish I knew what he was thinking.

After the film, he was silent for a while. When he looked up at me, I will never forget what he said.
 

 

“My parents are part of Communist China. Many of my people don’t believe in God. They believe in proving themselves by getting to the top no matter what it takes. I never could hug my parents. I don’t want that for my little boy. When he grows up, I want him to know that he can hug his dad. I just don’t know how to love.”      

 

I testified that the gospel of Jesus Christ would strengthen his family, and teach him how to love. He just kept nodding his head. He told me that as he was walking around Old Town, he got the feeling to walk up the hill to see the town better. Just at that moment, my sweet companion, Sister Jarrett got the same feeling that she should walk to the statue to find guests to welcome in which is where she found Larry. What a divine intervention from Heaven. Larry left today with a Book of Mormon, knowledge of the plan that God has for him, and a desire to love.
 

December 7, 2012
 

I was taking pictures of my tour in the resource room this morning when Sister McNeil told me  “A Larry was here" to see me.

“Wait a minute. Larry? Like, Larry from China?” I thought to myself.
 

No way could it be! I walked up to the front and yes indeed, it was Larry from China. My heart started pounding. Something inside me told me that this meeting was really important.
 

We walked to the teaching room and before I could even sit down, he started talking about how he had been reading the Book of Mormon and was having trouble understanding it, but he really wanted to know more. He talked to his wife last night. She was mad at first, but after he explained what he had learned, she wanted him to learn more. In China, he explained, the way you say “Mormon” can also sound like the word “Evil”, so many people think Mormons are an evil religion (What a pest Satan can be!).
 

He was so excited learning about families the other day, he asked me to help him understand more where we came from. Once again, I got my handy dandy referral card out and sketched a simple diagram of the Restoration. At the part of the great apostasy, he slapped his hand on his forehead and exclaimed, “Oh! I get it, I’ve seen that part in the movies!’ (He was referring to the Dark Ages).
 

    

I played the Restoration movie in Mandarin and we watched it together. It was amazing to me the Spirit and power that filled my soul, even though I couldn’t understand a word of what was being said. I know he felt it, too.
 

After the movie, I asked him what he felt about it. He said, “I think I will be like Joseph Smith and study this out for myself." I looked him in the eye and testified that if he would do just that, God would answer his prayers. He got a thoughtful look on his face and then asked, ‘Sister Newman, when I go home I want to share with my class what I learned from you today. Is that okay? I don’t want to force them to be Mormon, but I know that this can help them change.”
 

I told him that I knew he would be an influence for his family and all of China, and that he would need extra help. So we knelt down together in the teaching room and I taught a man, that just two days ago learned he was a Son of God, how to pray.
 

Shivers ran down my whole body as I listened to Larry speak to God for the first time here on earth. “Heavenly Father” he said. “The other day I wanted what Sister Newman taught me for my family. But today I ask that you help it sprout through all of China."
 

And through all of China I know that someday, it will. I can feel the power of this work. I can see it hastening on. And I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for letting me be a part of it. And especially for letting me help Larry remember.
 

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I know God is in this work. He is real. I know it with all my heart. These are things to share. Please don’t be afraid!
 

Pure love and agency

SAN DIEGO — I have a lot of thoughts and emotions right now. I honestly had an internal debate whether I wanted to write home or not this week. Of course, the Holy Ghost bonked me over the head and told me, "don’t you dare, your mother needs a letter!" The Holy Ghost is ALWAYS right.

We just got back from what is called a "sisters retreat", where all of the sisters in the mission met at the Clayton's home and had lunch. We learned from President, Sister Clayton and the training sisters. Sister Clayton spoke. I don’t really remember what she said, but the tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked around at the beautiful scene of a roomful of Sisters in Zion.  My heart hurts at the thought that my time is almost finished here in San Diego. What an amazing journey this has been.

I sometimes get the time to ponder about the plan God has for us. I have had a few of those moments this week.

The first thing I was pondering about was the love Heavenly Father has for us. 

Yesterday, I was teaching a man who doesn’t leave his home, he plays video games all day, and does drugs and alcohol. His father is Mormon, so he asked if we could come and teach him more about the Church. At first glance, my immediate reaction was, "There is no way this man will accept or live the gospel." The Spirit kindly chastised me, and I cringed thinking, "Who are you, Sister Newman, to say who can and cannot be changed by the Atonement of Jesus Christ?" 

I said a silent prayer, and pictured him being sealed to his future spouse. During the lesson, I told him that I knew we didn’t know about him, but we cared about him and loved him. He surprised me by saying. "How can you?" Heavenly Father opened my heart, and somehow, some way, he helped me love this man just as He did. That is how I know that God loves all of us.

I was also pondering a lot about agency this week. Agency is such an important part of the Plan of Happiness. God will not and never has forced us to do anything. I have seen that this week with many of our investigators.

Selina watched the Joseph Smith movie and explained that she knew she needed to read the Book of Mormon to find out it was true, only to tell us this morning that she would be too busy to learn. 

Lupita, whose sister is a Mormon, is sitting in lukewarm water, not caring either way if the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored again. 

Celeste decided that she felt too much pressure and won't answer any of our calls. 

Every single one of them, just prior to their decision to ignore and turn away, had a spiritual experience as the Holy Ghost testified that what we were saying was true. As much as it hurts my heart, I know that they have to be able to choose. I wait patiently for the day in heaven, when I can sit by their side, wrap my arms around them, and tell them how grateful I am that they are here.

Lastly, I have come to realize how perfect this plan is. We just taught Brady the Plan of Salvation. At the end of the lesson, Sister Jarrett asked what he thought of the Plan of Salvation. He smiled, rubbed his chin and then replied in his Chinese accent, "Well, I think the Plan is perfect!" He is a sweet, sweet soul.

My conclusion for this week's experience is that I am just a tool in this perfect work. The pain, hurt, frustration, and tiredness can be taken away if I could but trust in Heavenly Father. He’s in charge! Why worry so much? If I am just where I need to be doing what I need to be doing, I can have complete trust that Jesus Christ will make sure that the work is moving forward. The Atonement is so real. My heart is changing. I know yours can, too.

We can be made whole through this perfect plan. Holy smokes, it is so great. I love Heavenly Father so much. Sometimes, I get so homesick for Heaven. But boy, am I grateful for this time on earth to learn, love, and experience the joy of living.

There is joy in this journey!

Lengthen your Stride

SAN DIEGO — Let me start out with a funny story or two. You know me, and mom has taught me well (about cleaning). What a difference it makes to have a clean home so that the Spirit can be there.

I have taken that advice seriously my whole mission and am proud to say, Mom, you could come into my apartment and be really happy. 

The other night, to my dismay, Sister Miller and I finished planning and were sitting on the floor to write in our journals, when a little "stuart little" came running from under the couch across the floor to the kitchen.

Surprisingly, we didn't scream, but boy, did we get on top of the couch and chair as fast as we could! We were telling Sister Affleck about the story and she told us a pretty funny thing that happened to her just before she came on their mission. 

She was up late studying for an anatomy test and earlier that day had watched Stuart Little with her grandson. All of a sudden she saw a little mouse climb on top of the counter and start nibbling on the bread bag. With Stuart Little on her mind, she whispered, "Hey mouse, you gotta get out of here!"

The little mouse looked up at her. "No, I'm serious little mouse, if my husband comes down and finds you, your dead!" 

Then she heard Elder Affleck ask, "Karen, what are you doing?" 

"Just talking to this mouse. I told him if he didn't leave, you would get him". 

Then she said, "sure enough, 10 seconds later, he was being flushed down the toilet, dead as a door nail!

Anyway, I thought that was cute :)

Many of you asked about Ryan's baptism on Saturday. Let me tell you how it went:

September 29, 2012

Today was an incredible day. My mind keeps rewinding back to the moment that Ryan came up out of the water, his face shining, his smile wide, and my heart full of the assurance that he felt clean, new and at peace.

I was just sitting on the couch pondering a moment I had a few days ago at our missionary training day. President Clayton brought the three zones that were together out in the parking lot. Imagine just that: 40-50 missionaries forming a solid line across the lot, our mission president at the head of us, like a modern day Army of Helaman. 

He asked us to start walking. We did. Then, he asked us to "raise our sights" immediately, 50 heads raised to the heavens. Then he called, "lengthen your stride." Quickly we covered more ground...march, march, marching across the lot. "Quicken your pace!" The urgency of the work hit my soul and I wanted to sprint across the parking lot to find the imaginary soul waiting to be found.

Sitting on the couch, having just witnessed Ryan's baptism, I imagined the missionaries all over the world. Just think — eyes raised to the heavens, our strides lengthened, and our pace increased. It hit my heart to think of how many of God's children made a covenant with God today. In President Hinckley's words. "It is good, but it is not enough!" How true that is. 

I may be in the army of Helaman, but Helaman's army wasn't the only one that helped win the war. There was still Antipus, Moroni, and other captains that made a difference. I wish I could help all the members in this world raise their sights, lengthen their stride, and quicken their pace. There is so much work to be done!

I would never have thought before my mission that talking to a guy on the street heading to the bus stop would have meant anything. Boy, was I wrong, It meant EVERYTHING. That is something I don't need to be a missionary to do.

Our whole journey with Ryan is flashing in my mind.

•  Walking along the busy street, getting directions from Ryan, and talking about the Restoration, exchanging numbers literally as he was on the bus steps driving away
• Sitting outside the church in the parking lot, teaching him about a Plan that would bring him the peace that he desperately needed as he was full of a pain that was eating at his heart since the death of his father
• Kneeling in the middle of a lesson at church, asking him to pray to God to know if the Book of Mormon was true.
• Feeling the crush of my heart as Ryan expressed he wouldn't keep his baptism date.
• Finally, sitting next to Sister Miller, my arm wrapped around her, as someone we have grown to love and care about, walked into the water and was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

It was and has always been so amazing to feel the Spirit rush into the room and touch everyone's hearts. THAT is a testimony of truth, something no one can deny. Ryan's mother was there. I looked at her and knew that she felt the peace and the comfort that comes when the Holy Ghost is testifying of truth.

To end everything perfectly, the Rockwells (A senior couple missionary in our ward) bought Ryan a birthday cake as today was also his birthday. We hung up a birthday banner. Ever since his father passed away, birthdays haven't meant much to him and he hasn't really had one. As everyone was talking, we turned the chalkboard around with our birthday banner and brought out the cake, while singing happy birthday. I can't express how happy I was to see our ward, our mission president, Ryan and his mom as we welcomed him not only to the church, not only to a new life, but to a family.

It truly hit me tonight that this is really what it is all about. This life is a time to prepare to meet God, and spend the rest of eternity with our family.

 

Thank you all for your prayers. This gospel is so true. It is so real. It is so important!

When two worlds collide

SAN DIEGO — A lot has happened this week! I suppose I will start with some "Miracles around the World"

August 17, 2012

I served at the Mormon Battalion this morning. It was one of those loud and crazy ones, but despite the mayhem in the lobby, I saw a family of three walk up. I soon found out that they were from Florence, Italy. The daughter, Chiara, spoke perfect English and was able to translate for her parents, Elizabeta and Giovanni. Because her parents couldn’t understand English, they didn’t want to go on the full tour, so I took them to the back to share a brief story of the Battalion and let them see the artifacts. We ended up standing in front of the glass case that holds the Bible and the Book of Mormon. I told them that I knew they probably had questions about Mormons, and I would love to answer them. They, of course did, and I was able to teach them about the Restoration of the Gospel. What a special moment that was, when two worlds collided, allowing us both to talk about the truth.

While not an international experience, Sister Newman had another colliding moment when @zbloxham, a twitter friend of her brother's, came by the Battalion

Just a few hours later, I had another one of those "colliding" moments. This time, with Pak from China. Pak came on a tour and was smack-dab in the middle of a bajillion Mormon families. Somehow, miraculously, I was able to talk with him after taking everyone’s photo in the resource room. This time we spoke outside, underneath the grapevines (it was quieter than with all the screaming kids). 

He told me he was an atheist. I felt the Spirit tell me that was not true, so I asked him, "So you believe that you are just here and that’s it?" He changed his mind and told me that he believed in a higher Being, he just didn’t know what it was. We were able to talk about how God literally is his Father. He agreed to read the Book of Mormon and talk with me about it.

My journey around the world ended in Belgium. The sisters gave us a referral for a man named Jeroen. We sat across from each other in his humble student apartment (he is going to pilot school) and started talking to him. I was stunned with all the questions of the soul that he had. 

He wanted to know what his purpose was on earth. He didn’t believe that all we have to do is believe Jesus and be saved (YAY!), but knew the truth that we must live the Gospel for the Atonement to work in our lives. As I looked him in the eyes, neither of us breaking eye contact, I told him of the 14-year-old boy who prayed to know the truth. The Spirit was tangible. I was struck in awe as we walked through the apartment complex back to our car. I looked up at the sky and just wanted to yell, "THANK YOU" to Heavenly Father for letting us find all the people from many lands that were thirsting for the gospel today."...

I think that is the lesson I learned today. There are people wandering, searching for the truth because they know not where to find it. I was so blinded before my mission, thinking, So-and-so would never want to hear the Gospel."  Or "So-and-so would never be Mormon."

Let me tell you all something: THAT is a COMPLETE lie from Satan.

Did you know that just this week, we talked to a guy, Ryan, walking to a bus stop? We told him that we had some great news to improve his life. A teenage boy who looked like he had plenty other things to do accepted, we met him at the church and he wants to learn more about the Plan of Salvation.

The other day when we were on our way to Jeroen's, we walked past a mother with her baby in the stroller. We just told her how cute her baby was and that we had something to share that would improve her family relationships. She accepted to learn more.

A sister shared with me that she took a tour of a non-member lady who has been to the Battalion a bunch of times, and NO ONE ever asked if she wanted a Book of Mormon. This dear sister asked, and the woman gladly accepted.

NO ONE can tell me that God is not putting people in our paths. I chose not to act before I came out here. 

For 21 years, I let neighbors, acquaintances, and coworkers pass by me. I know what you're thinking: "But she’s a missionary, she can be bold." I’m not saying we have to go up to a person and say, "do you want to hear about the three degrees of glory?" But have you ever asked a dear friend, "have you ever had questions about Mormons?"Or have you invited a less active or nonmember over for dinner? Have you invited the grocer at the store to look on mormon.org and given them a card?

I PROMISE you as a messenger of Jesus Christ, that if you would only do those simple things, you will be a messenger and advocate for the Father in bringing the Gospel to all nations, kindreds,, tongues and people.

The world is curious. 

They are thirsty. 

It is our job to bring them the fountain of living water.

I love you all. I’ve just written this email. I hope you don’t go on to your every day lives, but I hope you ask yourselves as President [Boyd K.] Packer would say,

"THEREFORE, WHAT?"

 Let's go out and do some good in this world.

The Plan of Salvation: more than some cutouts

SAN DIEGO — Heavenly Father has a way of bringing me to my knees. Today, Sister Kennington left (I'll write about that later) and I just received a call: after only one transfer in Avocado, I am leaving.

I am training and white washing (Which means you open up a new area).

The experiences I have had this week have all drawn my mind back to the Plan of Salvation. As I tell you about these few experiences, I want to share with what I have learned about that plan.

Getting transferred out of Avocado:

Leaving an area is kind of like leaving earth, I suppose. When the time starts running short before an end of the transfer, I always think to myself, "Did I do my best? Did I work my hardest? Did I accomplish what God expected me to?" It is the very best feeling knowing that you have done what God has sent you there to do. 

I know that I have done what God expected me to do in the Avocado Ward. It is back up on its feet, miracles are happening, two families are being baptized by the beginning of August! Heavenly Father truly is a God of miracles. No one can tell me otherwise. 

I love being an instrument in his hands. I think the same expectation God has for His full time missionaries, He has for His member missionaries. I would suggest you ask yourself these questions now, as you don’t know when your time will be. "Did you do your best? Did you work your hardest? Did you accomplish what God expected you to?" There is still time, but get to work!

Sister Kennington leaving:

You all know how much Sister Kennington means to me. 

Well, that’s probably not true.

Me with Sister Kennington, of Layton, Utah

I don’t think anyone can truly understand what Sister Kennington means to me. I wish you all could meet her. She is my best friend (Besides of course you Sara. You’re an automatic best friend)! I’ve been hovering around her for the past week, knowing that each day she was getting closer and closer to leaving. This morning, we had to say our last good bye. All the sisters had their luggage out on the front step, we all cried, took pictures, laughed, and hugged. I imagined this was what it was like for Sister Kennington and I in the pre-earth life. Heavenly Father both needed us to have our own sisters, Sara and Paige, but he promised us we could serve missions together. I am sure there were lots of tears shed as we hugged and wished each other well as she went to earth. 

I had a Déjà vu moment this morning as we both cried and hugged, and didn’t want to let go. I sat staring at the white van taking her to the airport. I was full of happiness for her to be able to start her new adventure and of course, really sad that I had to let her go. Oh how great the reunion in heaven will be when we can all see each other again!

Taking the tour in Mandarin:

I have one last experience I want to share with you. Yesterday, I took a tour of 32 twelve-year-old Chinese students through the tour. I sat in the enlistment room, where they sit underneath the trees and watched them clapping their hands to the sound of Zamira's fiddle. 

I looked at these children sitting on the logs, and it hit me full force that only 12 years ago, Heavenly Father sat them down and told them that part of their plan was to live in a country that wouldn’t even teach them about His Son Jesus Christ. I imagined these precious little faces a little dismayed at the task that was given them, but because they loved Father, they accepted that calling. Heavenly Father gave me a glimpse of what His heart feels, watching His children not know who He or His Son is. It made me so grateful to be a missionary and to be able to be sharing this message with the world.

I guess the short version of what I am trying to say is that the Plan of Salvation is more than some cutouts you tape up in a Sunday School lesson. It is real. It can be seen in every aspect of our lives.

Please, please, please don’t take it for granted.

Cameron's Baptism

SAN DIEGO— A LOT has happened this week! I guess some of you know that Cameron was baptized on Saturday. It was AMAZING. Let me share part of my journal about it with you (I barely had time to write down his story, so its not that great of an entry).

Sister Kennington and I at Cameron's baptism

May 26, 2012
I can't believe this day finally came. 

This was one of the most powerful baptisms I have been to so far on my mission. Jason, his friend in the Church, bore a powerful and simple testimony and then we had a musical number by Kelly.

She sang, "I Will", by Hilary Weeks which blasted the room with the Spirit. The song was about standing tall even if you are alone-something that Cameron has had to do ever since we started teaching him. 

We then watched Cameron and Brother Bryant (the one who referred him to us) walk into the baptismal font. Sister Kennington and I had our arms around each other as Cameron was baptized. It was amazing. I knew that if my spirit was as excited and thrilled as it was, the hosts of heaven must be singing for joy. I wanted to cry as I pictured Heavenly Father smiling down from heaven. What a proud Father He must have been at that moment. 

As Cameron was getting dressed, Sister Kennington and I shared a message. We played the Mormon Message, "The True and Living God" by Elder Holland.  Then we had three of our members (who we previously asked) to one by one get up and share their one-sentence testimony of Jesus Christ. 

"I know that my Savior lives." 

"I know Jesus forgives me of my sins."

"I know if we follow Jesus Christ we can return to live with God"

Just imagine the power of those simple, yet intense testimonies of Christ. Sister Kennington and I then got up: 

"I know Jesus is the Christ" 

"I know that Christ lived. He died. And He lives again." 

As we closed in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, we all sang the hymn, "I Believe in Christ".  At the close of the song, our Branch President invited Cameron to get up and share his testimony. He said that he had researched, studied and read the Book of Mormon and that he knows the Gospel and the Church are true. He explained that he felt like he had been through his own great apostasy, but now he was found. 

It was so touching to hear him testify. You can tell what a strong spirit he is. It was confirmed to me again, when he was receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost. His blessing said that he was one of Heavenly Father's favorite sons and that one day he would be sealed in the temple. It hit me so hard how much Heavenly Father wants each of us back. 

We all have our own “apostasies", whether it is lack of reading, praying, or studying the scriptures. Whether it breaking the commandments, not going to the temple, thinking bad things... whatever it may be, living the gospel of Jesus Christ is what brings us back and what keeps us on the right track.

I was reading the conference talk "In tune with the Music of Faith". Elder Cook's words stood out to me:

"Having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and keeping his commandments are and always will be the defining test of mortality."

What we do defines us. This time on earth IS important. It is where we prove to God who we really are. If you are struggling, let me share with you some advice from President Kimball:

"I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns."

I think the question is not, "Does God hear me?", I think the question is "How far away am I from hearing His answer".

Speaking of answers to prayer, let me share with you a quick miracle Sister Kennington and I experienced this week before I end. 

A few weeks ago, Sister Kennington got the impression to ask the elders if they wanted us to meet with one of their investigators, Camilla. They are teaching the whole family, in fact missionaries have been teaching them for years. The elders accepted, as they were on their last resorts to figure out how to get this family to understand. Sister Kennington and I went over about a week ago, and got to know her. It was perfect. She is a 17-year-old girl, and you know how well it would have gone over if she tried to tell the elders about her prom dress and her frustrations about her 1-day-old manicure chipping. Needless to say, we clicked right away and were able to teach her the Restoration. 

The Spirit testified so strongly; I was almost expecting the Holy Ghost to start shouting at us. Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost were able to work miracles on her in those precious few minutes and her understanding was clear and her heart was opened. Just yesterday, we met with her again. It was funny because the elders were there with the parents doing service. We taught Camilla in the dining room. We retaught the Plan of Salvation and once again the Spirit was intense. In fact, my heart was pounding out of my chest, I could almost hear a voice yelling to invite her to be baptized. 

She said yes! She wants to be baptized this weekend before her and her family go to Brazil. Her dad called us today not very happy, he says its too fast and she is not ready for that. If there is one thing I have learned it is that, with God anything is possible. If he gave Moses the power to part the Red Sea, who am I to think he can't soften the heart of an old man? Definitely something Heavenly Father will do if it is according to His will. So please Keep Camilla and her family in your prayers.

"Miracles really do happen!"

SAN DIEGO — I sometimes have these epiphanies that, "Wow! I am a missionary!"

There is nothing like it at all. I wish I could explain it in words, but being a missionary is such a spiritual experience, it seems that there are only feelings to describe it. Nonetheless, I will still try my best to write in words what I am feeling.

But first, some shout outs:

Grandma and Grandpa Newman: That was so fun to see you, thanks for the Zucchini bread, the sisters definitely enjoyed it as well:)

Grams and Gramps Morgan: Hope your trip to North Carolina went well. Grams, I just got your letter, but haven't been able to read it yet, Thanks for writing!

Juli: I also got your letter this morning but havent had a chance to read it either, thanks for writing! I cant believe your baby Annalie is 4 today!:) Wow.

Sara:  Got your letter. I'm working on writing you today, so be ready for it! Love you girl!

Mom and Dad: LOVED LOVED LOVED the calendar and all the goodies you sent! Thank you so so so so so so so much. You are the best!

I was talking to Sister Kennington yesterday, and we realize more and more everyday that one of the biggest lessons Heavenly Father needs His missionaries to learn is to realize how precious our families are and to not take them for granted. You know how much I loved you before I left. Now multiply that by 100 and that is how much I have come to love you while being gone for these past few months.

Being a missionary definitely comes with ups and downs, just like life, I suppose. I teach people every day that there is opposition in all things, and that in order to experience joy we have to experience sorrow as well. One thing that is for sure, when the hard times come, there is always something great waiting behind what seems to be a towering wall of trial.

This week has been the "great" that was behind a pretty big tower of trial: on Sunday, Todd was baptized.

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January 22, 2012

The only thing I can think to say is how amazing this day has been. It finally came. It finally came!

I remember the first lesson we had with Todd. We introduced The Book of Mormon to him in which replied that he had already been reading it. The Spirit guided us to ask him what his thoughts and feelings were about the book. He looked at us with his military stance — shoulders squared, eyes straight forward and said, "I know it's true." 

And now, a month and a half later, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost and the Book of Mormon have transformed him into a man with hope, happiness and excitement for the future. I sat in the Elders Quorum room, which was completely packed. People even had to stand in the back.

Todd, whose dad wouldn't even come to the baptism because he wanted to watch a football game, was surrounded by family, surrounded by love, surrounded by support. This is what Heaven is like, of that I am sure.

As Todd was standing in the font, Sister Kennington wrapped her arm around me and looked at me with tears in her eyes. That's all words can say to describe the feeling of seeing one you have prayed for, served, taught and loved enter the waters of baptism. I can't imagine how Heavenly Father was feeling: one more of His children found Him again, and is on his way home to His arms. I wish I could have seen Heavenly Father's face.

On Monday, we had our first meeting with Oliver. Here is a little bit from my journal about that experience:

Monday, January 23, 2012

We finally met with Oliver tonight. Oliver is dating Sara, a member from one of the wards in the stake. He was introduced to The Book of Mormon by her six weeks ago, but this is the first time he has met with missionaries. The elders taught him the Restoration and passed him off to us since he is a Young Single Adult.

We were able to have a lesson in our Branch President's home. That in and of itself was a miracle. I haven't been in a home since August. Teaching YSA's, most of our lessons end up at the church, or on the doorstep. We taught Oliver The Plan of Salvation. Every time I teach that to people, it is amazing to see the Spirit touch their souls. It's like something wakes up inside of them and they remember who they are.

Something woke up in Oliver today. When we invited him to follow the example of Jesus Christ by being baptized by somebody who held the proper authority, he told us he already knew it was true and he set his own baptism date for March 10, 2012. It felt like deja vu again!

Heavenly Father has taught me many many things. Tonight's lesson was that He really doesn't need missionaries at all. Just the Book of Mormon. The Holy Ghost bore witness to his soul that this is real. That this is true. He doesn't even know really who Jesus Christ is, yet He knows that God has witnessed to him of the reality of the Book of Mormon.

I wish I could tell you more of the miracles that happened this week, but I don't have time! I was asked a few questions that I thought I would try and answer in the few minutes that I have left.

Why do you love being a missionary?

There are honestly so many different reasons, I won't be able to write them all. I love knowing that even though it is not nearly enough, I am serving and giving back to Heavenly Father what He has given me. I love seeing miracles every day. I love being able to look back after a difficult trial and realizing that I did it. I love the people. I love seeing the light of Christ shine from one of God's children that before was dark and without hope. I love learning about what Heavenly Father expects of me and who He needs me to become. I love seeing other people realize that. I love watching His children who were lost, find their way.

What is the most important lesson you have learned from your Mom and Dad?

Well, again that is a question with many answers, but the first thing that comes to my mind is diligence. My parents have taught me what it means to work. Work to gain my testimony. Work to become who I want to be. Work to gain knowledge. They have helped me realize that nothing is impossible if you involve anything. Over and over again they have helped me realize that "In the strength of the Lord, I can do all things."

What is the most important thing you have learned on your mission?

Definitely to rely on Heavenly Father completely, absolutely, perfectly. When I give everything to Him, that is when miracles happen. We too often try to rely on ourselves, even just a little bit, when we think we are giving our all to Heavenly Father. It is when we let go completely, giving our all into His hands, that He helps us become, and do what we need to.

Time has flown by. I love you all. Miracles happen. They really really do!

"Life is hard, but Salvation is priceless"

SAN DIEGO — Christmas time is definitely different on a mission. I am so thankful to Heavenly Father that He has kept Sister Kennington and I so busy. I have never been so happy to be so exhausted in my life. It is a little hard not to get a tiny bit homesick around the holidays, but it's not a bad homesick. I just love you all so much!
 

It was our turn to pick up the mail at the mission office. I got the packages Mom and Dad sent (haven't opened them yet) and Jackie Steele sent me one too! Nice huh? 

 

I honestly can't even remember what happened this week. It was so crazy, I can barely keep my eyes opened writing to you. Every night, I have five minutes to rush and wash my face, and brush my teeth and jump into bed before 10:30. Unfortunately, I have been really bad at writing in my journal. But for some reason, what I had planned to tell you about, I feel like Heavenly Father would rather me tell you about what happened last night. It is a simple story, nothing grandiose, nothing extraordinary, but it is the tiny, the seemingly insignificant things that testify to me that God is real.

I was serving at the Battalion last night. I had just finished up a tour and I was exhausted. We weren't that busy, but the other sisters were watching one of our Christmas presentations we have been having, so after finishing my tour, I walked up to the front and a little girl and her aunt were wanting to go.  Honestly, I was so tired I felt like crying. I had no idea how I would have the energy to take this little girl on the tour and make it a good experience for her. But Heavenly Father practically pushed me into the first room and I knew He needed her to come on the tour. I knew she was special to Him. 

 

When we got to the outfitting room and Sister Lewis and I were dressing her up like a soldier, it came to the part where we talk about how the men did what they did. How they were able to leave their families, leave their friends, and face the unknown. We brought out the Book of Mormon and the Bible and I got down on my knees so I could look in her eyes and tell her about her Savior, whose life was written in the precious pages. The Spirit pierced the room, it touched my heart with so much force, I thought for sure there must be angels peeking in on this sweet moment. 

 

Sister Lewis looked at her, and said, "Julianna, Heavenly Father loves you, no matter what, will you always remember that?" "Yes" was all she said. But that "Yes" held a whole new meaning to me as her aunt explained little Julianna's situation: living without the Gospel of Jesus Christ in her life because of the actions of her parents. What a tender mercy Heavenly Father gave me last night.

 

God loves all of His children. EVERY SINGLE ONE.

 

I have been thinking about the Savior a lot this month, of always, but this month as His birth is celebrated all over the world this Christmas season. Part of a talk that Sister Kennington shared with me came to my mind. I changed some of the words, but the talk is entitled, "Missionary work and the Atonement."

 

"Anyone who does any kind of missionary work will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why doesn’t it go better? Why can’t our success be more rapid? Why aren’t there more people joining the Church? It is the truth. We believe in angels. We trust in miracles. Why don’t people just flock to the font? Why isn’t the only risk in missionary work that of pneumonia from being soaking wet all day and all night in the baptismal font? 

You will have occasion to ask those questions. I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that missionaries and mission leaders have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. Missionaries and mission leaders have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary. 

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that missionaries and investigators, to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price."

 

How much sweeter will Eternal Life be, when we can look back and see how far we've come. When we can say, yes, it was hard, but it was worth it. When we can look our Savior in the eye, and thank Him for reaching down and pulling us up when we had climbed as far as we could.

 

Life is hard. But Salvation is priceless.