Calloused

SAN DIEGO — It’s weird when fall hits, and the sun is still shining here as bright as ever. It messes me up sometimes!

This week, it has really hit me how urgent this work is. God really is hastening His work. We are gearing up for about 50-75 new missionaries come January. What an amazing work this is! I feel the urgency inside of me, my spirit is trying to sprint to the finish, it is all I can do to keep up the best I can. There is just so much work to be done. 

I can see how hard both forces are working in this world. It has been so evident this week how hard Satan is working to confuse, distract, and lead away the children of God. Many of our investigators have testified of the truth, yet they refuse to live the gospel. It has broken my heart. There comes a point when they have to choose — choose to follow God, or choose to turn away, to step back into the world they came from. A world of chaos, distraction, and loneliness. The hardest moments on my mission have been the times when I look at one of my investigators, someone I have come to love with all my heart, and they look me back in the eye and tell me they do not want the gospel in their lives.  

It is devastating. But the work will move on.

I have noticed on the streets, the world is getting harder, tougher, and more calloused. People we talk to on the street laugh and make fun of us. Some are kind, but refuse to believe that they have to live the gospel of Jesus Christ to return to live with God. They think that they can do it on their own. We are getting to the point where I feel like we are trudging through mud, trying hard as we might to find those that are prepared. Despite the difficulty, the work will move on.

I have had many experiences this week, but I would like to share with you an experience from the Mormon Battalion Historic Site I had while I was on shift.

November 3, 2012

I was finishing up a tour in gold panning, and a middle-aged gentleman walked up, looking around like he had just walked up to the historic site. I excused myself from the family I was helping and welcomed him to the Battalion and to Old Town. 

We talked for a minute and I asked if I could show him how to pan for gold. He agreed and we started panning. Over the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences talking with people at the Battalion or at the temple where a peace comes over my heart, and I am certain that they are a child of God that specifically has been guided at that time and at that moment to be healed by the message of the Restored Gospel. 

As I talked to him, I had that peace come over my heart. 

I looked at him and could feel the burden on his heart. I could see it in the sadness and darkness of his eyes. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I just told him that I could tell he had a burden on his heart, and wondered if he wanted to talk about it. 

He told me that he just didn’t like where he was at this point in his life. 

"I just go out on the weekends and drink, and party, and I don’t even know why I do it. I suppose because I am bored and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to change" 

I testified of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the power it has to lift his burdens, to comfort his heart, and that through the gift of the Atonement, he had the power to change. We walked into the resource room and looked at the display of the Book of Mormon and of the Bible. How amazing it was to me to be able to testify of the Old and New Testament, and Another Testament of Jesus Christ. The books that contain the Gospel, the way to find peace and joy in this life. 

He looked at them for a while and then looked up at me with his sad eyes and told met that ' I just feel like I have calluses on my heart. I just can’t feel anymore." 

I asked him if he had ever felt the Spirit before. He said, "Once. When I was a young boy, I felt that I should go back to church. I knew God was speaking to me and I didn’t do it." 

We slowly walked to the lobby and sat on the couch. I testified that the missionaries could teach him how to get rid of the calluses on his heart and help him start over, completely change. I felt the Holy Ghost remind me of my missionary purpose — To invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great is my calling!

I turned to him and asked him if he found that what I was teaching is true, would someone holding the priesthood authority of God baptize him. He looked at me and said, yes. He hadn’t prayed since he was little, so we went to the theater and knelt down in prayer. I prayed first and then he followed. His prayer was the most sincere prayer I have heard. I felt honored to be kneeling in a room where God's son — His little boy —was returning back to Him.

That moment will be one I never forget.

The lesson I learned through this is that, yes, things are hard, the world is bad, and Satan is loosing his chains over the whole earth. But GOD'S WORK WILL MOVE FORWARD. And we have the responsibility to be part of it. 

Are you joining the fight, or are you sitting on the sidelines? With or without you, His work will continue.

Looking into the Soul of a Mormon Apostle

SAN DIEGO — This week has been LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! Great, but long.

I hope you all had a great Pioneer day:) My week has been full of many, many lessons from Heavenly Father. 

There have been moments on my mission that I completely and absolutely lose perspective. I wish I could see through Heaven's eyes every single moment for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, sometimes I get blinded. 

This week I felt so heavy, my heart was weighed down, I was overwhelmed with the task that Heavenly Father had given me, and I needed to learn a great lesson about the Atonement. It is amazing at how fast perspective can change, and it all depends on who you allow to take care of your heart.

This week I experienced both: 

First, I experienced giving Satan my heart.  As Alma said:

"And behold I say unto you all that this was a snare of the adversary, which he has laid to catch this people, that he might bring you into subjection unto him, that he might encircle you about with his chains, that he might chain you down to everlasting destruction, according to the power of his captivity" Alma 12:6

Anything that is against the will of God causes us to give way to Satan. We have to be pure, (or without blemish). I realized that any sin such as thinking badly of others, doubt, impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy — any tiny little thing — we are giving Satan our hearts and allowing him to chain us down. Sometimes it is not something we have even done, we are completely innocent, but still we have to let go, to forgive, to completely turn away from Satan and give Heavenly Father charge of our hearts.

 I think that is why Alma asks us in the Book of Mormon:

"Have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Alma 5:14 

This week, I have also experienced the peace and comfort that comes from giving in; giving everything to Christ and letting him take care of it. What an amazing experience that has been for me. 

Heavenly Father just added a "cherry on top" of my week of learning because yesterday we were able to learn from (Mormon Apostle) Elder M. Russell Ballard. He talked a lot about missionary work, explaining how important it is for us to be us. He told us that who we are is what God needs us to be in order to do his work. 

Even more important than what I learned was how I felt.

I looked into the face of an Apostle of God. A man who has trials and troubles, heartaches and fears just as any one of us. As I looked into his eyes, you could easily see his soul. He was hiding nothing, he was pure, he was light, he was radiating the light of Christ. I felt the peace enter my heart. There was no denying it. God's Restored Church is on the earth again, headed by a prophet of God and twelve apostles of Jesus Christ. The Spirit taught me more this week, than any words could teach me in a lifetime. 

The hard thing in this world is that it is full of noise. It is loud and offensive to the Holy Ghost. When was the last time you turned off the radio in the car, just to listen? When was the last time you spent a few moments in the morning to listen, ponder and pray? When was the last time you opened your Book of Mormon?

I promise you from experience just this week, that the peace that comes from using the Atonement — from trying every day to change and become better, to be pure in heart — is worth more than anything in this world. 

No wonder Moroni says, "Except ye have charity, ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.'

Let's change our hearts!

Trying to become the Fourth Missionary

SAN DIEGO — It's amazing the lessons you can learn in only a week's worth of time.

As I mentioned last week, it was one full of challenges. I am grateful for them. Heavenly Father has been teaching me a lesson about how to make my will His will.

My favorite story in the Book of Mormon is about Nephi (Lehi's brother, Nephi). I've always wanted to be like him. I've wanted Heavenly Father to trust me like he trusted Nephi, to have that kind of faith, that kind of diligence, that kind of courage. The other day I decided to read about him from the Book of Mormon.

"Blessed art thou Nephi, for those things which thou hast done, for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou has not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will and to keep my commandments."

Okay, so honestly I read that, and thought, "Oh great, if this is Nephi, I am totally in the great and spacious building!"

I most definitely did not start this transfer with "unwearyingness" like Nephi did. I’m pretty sure the words, "I'm tired, I’m so tired" were flashing across my mind in big bright letters the whole last week.

And though I don’t fear these new people, I sure have been wary of them. I mean for heavens sake, I was reciting the First Vision to a less-active lady and she starts rolling up a cigarette and proceeds to lighting it and smoking it right as I am telling her that God and Jesus Christ themselves appeared to Joseph Smith!

The last part says that Nephi sought God's will. I felt like I have done that all my life, but I have learned that I have not quite hit the mark.

I was reading a talk by a General Authority called "the Fourth Missionary" It describes the characteristics of four different kind of missionaries and how you can become the fourth type of missionary. 

He said, "In the end, your heart and will is all you have to give that the Lord does not already have. It is the only true gift you have to offer. It is as easy as changing your mind. Tell Father, I give in, and I give up. My heart is yours. My will is yours."

This was my aha moment! In order for me to become like Nephi, I have to make it up in my mind. I wrote Heavenly Father a letter. It is special to me, but I want to share it with you:

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"Dear Heavenly Father,

I was reminded today of how much you love me. Today is Fathers Day here on earth and my mind has been turned to you and my dad here. It’s always hard for me to know what I can do for you. I think that’s hard with all dads. You already have everything you could want. I read a talk today about aligning my will with thy will. I want you to know that I give up. I give all of it to you, Father. I want to give you my heart this Fathers day.

Love,

Brittany

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If you keep reading about when Nephi gave his will to God this is what happened. 

"And now because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold I will bless thee forever and will make thee mighty in word in deed in faith and in works. Yea even all things shall be done according to they word for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will."

I am so excited to be earning trust with Heavenly Father. It is such a great feeling. I have been so blessed this week. I want to end by sharing some of yesterday’s miracles from my journal.

June 18, 2012

Today was such an amazing day. It was our only full day this transfer and we were able to get a lot of appointments. My eyes were opened to the world today, to how real Satan is, and how real the powers of heaven are. I want to share a few experiences I had:

Natik: He is a referral from some sisters in the Carlsbad mission. We stopped by and he let us in. He is a refugee from Iraq as now 1.5 million Christians have been kicked out of his country. He was so open and willing to learn. It strengthened my testimony that every person we talk to matters. I think of what would have happened if the sisters wouldn’t have talked to him. But because they did, he has a chance to hear the Gospel.

Trinity: We went back to teach Julie. Her daughter, Trinity was there. She’s only five years old. We were sitting at the patio outside her apartment, we could see into the apartment at her five-year-old girl. We started the lesson with a prayer. I shouldn’t have peeked, but I did. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two little feet walking from the upstairs apartment down the stairs. Then I peeked again, and I saw her sad countenance. She was looking down, her hair covered her eyes, and her little hands placed a handmade cigarette on the table next to her mom. She slowly turned around, and I watched her walk slowly back up the stairs. I don’t know why, but that vision haunted me. How sad Heavenly Father must be to watch all of this from heaven.

Peter: He is one of the lost boys of Sudan. Last week, we met Peter crossing the street. He had his Bible in hand and his white smile radiated brilliantly against the contrast of his beautiful, black skin. We set an appointment and were able to meet with him today. He told us about his story. When he was four, his mom, dad and uncle were killed in front of him. Thousands of Sudanese children had to flee the country alone. Some of his friends were eaten by lions or lost in the jungle.

Others starved to death. I won't forget the way he looked at us as though we represented all of America, and he said, "thank you, we thank America for what you did". I imagined our Founding Fathers, though I am sure they are sick at some of the things that are happening in our country, at least some good still remains. 

Heavenly Father taught me a lot tonight. About the strength of his children, the hope that comes from the Atonement, and the reality of Satan. This battle is real. It seems like it should be a movie, this battle we are fighting against Satan. I suppose this fight against good and evil is what inspires the entertainment out there. Only this is REAL. It can’t just be shut off at the end of the credits. This is a matter of salvation...

Well, that was a lot to say this week, sorry! Kind of scattered, but I gotta go write my presidents letter.

Love you all!