Looking into the Soul of a Mormon Apostle

SAN DIEGO — This week has been LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! Great, but long.

I hope you all had a great Pioneer day:) My week has been full of many, many lessons from Heavenly Father. 

There have been moments on my mission that I completely and absolutely lose perspective. I wish I could see through Heaven's eyes every single moment for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, sometimes I get blinded. 

This week I felt so heavy, my heart was weighed down, I was overwhelmed with the task that Heavenly Father had given me, and I needed to learn a great lesson about the Atonement. It is amazing at how fast perspective can change, and it all depends on who you allow to take care of your heart.

This week I experienced both: 

First, I experienced giving Satan my heart.  As Alma said:

"And behold I say unto you all that this was a snare of the adversary, which he has laid to catch this people, that he might bring you into subjection unto him, that he might encircle you about with his chains, that he might chain you down to everlasting destruction, according to the power of his captivity" Alma 12:6

Anything that is against the will of God causes us to give way to Satan. We have to be pure, (or without blemish). I realized that any sin such as thinking badly of others, doubt, impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy — any tiny little thing — we are giving Satan our hearts and allowing him to chain us down. Sometimes it is not something we have even done, we are completely innocent, but still we have to let go, to forgive, to completely turn away from Satan and give Heavenly Father charge of our hearts.

 I think that is why Alma asks us in the Book of Mormon:

"Have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Alma 5:14 

This week, I have also experienced the peace and comfort that comes from giving in; giving everything to Christ and letting him take care of it. What an amazing experience that has been for me. 

Heavenly Father just added a "cherry on top" of my week of learning because yesterday we were able to learn from (Mormon Apostle) Elder M. Russell Ballard. He talked a lot about missionary work, explaining how important it is for us to be us. He told us that who we are is what God needs us to be in order to do his work. 

Even more important than what I learned was how I felt.

I looked into the face of an Apostle of God. A man who has trials and troubles, heartaches and fears just as any one of us. As I looked into his eyes, you could easily see his soul. He was hiding nothing, he was pure, he was light, he was radiating the light of Christ. I felt the peace enter my heart. There was no denying it. God's Restored Church is on the earth again, headed by a prophet of God and twelve apostles of Jesus Christ. The Spirit taught me more this week, than any words could teach me in a lifetime. 

The hard thing in this world is that it is full of noise. It is loud and offensive to the Holy Ghost. When was the last time you turned off the radio in the car, just to listen? When was the last time you spent a few moments in the morning to listen, ponder and pray? When was the last time you opened your Book of Mormon?

I promise you from experience just this week, that the peace that comes from using the Atonement — from trying every day to change and become better, to be pure in heart — is worth more than anything in this world. 

No wonder Moroni says, "Except ye have charity, ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.'

Let's change our hearts!

The henna tattoo and the Atonement

SAN DIEGO — This is the last week before transfers. I have spent nine months in the Black Mountain Young Single Adult branch. It has been an amazing experience, and I have seen a lot of miracles.

Next Wednesday will be transfers. I feel like I will probably be transferred and I think Sister Kennington and I will also not be the training sisters, either. There are so many wonderful sisters here, I am so excited to see who I get to serve under.

I guess I will get the sad news over first. Sister Kennington and I were up at four this morning to drive to the airport with the Seegmillers and Sisters Burden and Haggerty. Sister Haggerty's headaches came back and is not able to stay. It has been really sad, but we all know Heavenly Father has other plans for her. Elder Seegmiller took us to breakfast, it is always an amazing experience to spend time with him.


Let me tell you something about Elder Seegmiller. He always tells us, "You always have to ask when people refer to the Bretheren, is it a bretheren with a little b or Bretheren with a Big B?" Sister Kennington and I were talking about him the other night, Elder Seegmiller used to work as a go-between with mission presidents and the Twelve Apostles. Just being in his presence, you know you are learning from a man inspired of God.

Sister Kennington and I were laughing last night because we decided Elder Seegmiller is a "bretheren with bold, italicized and underlined" Definitely not a little b and not a big B, either. Heavenly Father has blessed me a lot to learn from him. I write down his words of advice often, I'll share a couple with you right now:

"If you know he won't get invited to the meeting at Adam-Ondi-Ahman, don't say "yes!"

"When talking to the Lord, never ask why, ask what!"

"Girls should go on missions, and the guys should wait. Just tell the guy, a year and a half is a perfect amount of time to save up money, go to school and prepare everything so that when you walk off the plane, you and he can have your first date at the temple!"

Anyway, he taught me a great object lesson about my henna tattoo the other day. We were talking about the Atonement and how I was trying to take the burdens of all the sisters upon myself. He said I should never cry to watch someone be given the opportunity to use the Atonement, but it is when they choose not to that the tears should freely flow.


He looked down at my hand, the henna much faded by now, and told me that my tattoo was an example of the Atonement. I had messed up, I didn't realize what I was doing and the consequence of my mess up was a bright reminder of what I had done. Every time I would give a tour, I would shake a hand, I had to deal with questions and looks of concern or questioning. Just looking at it myself I felt like an idiot every time.

With a lot of work, and with ENDURANCE, the henna has slowly started to fade. With time, I will have a completely new hand. The skin cells will renew and not a single mark of my mistake will be left.

That is the Atonement.

Oh how I wish I could have it scrubbed off that night. Then I wouldn't have had to account to president. Then I wouldn't have had to explain to my peers. But that is not how it it meant to be. I have never been more grateful for the slow and steady process of the henna fading. It has taught me a lesson: just like my hand, with endurance, hard work, and patience, I can use the Atonement in my life to become a completely new person.


As I was thinking about tattoos, my mind has completely 180'd to a really funny story that happened this week that I think you will appreciate. Since Sister Haggerty has been sick, we have been going on exchanges with her companion, Sister Burden, to cover her area as well as ours. We went to stop by a man named Dave in the ghetto of El Cajon. Just to give you an idea, he is a big African-American man that would scare the pants right off of you if you didn't know that inside he was a big teddy bear.

We met him in the parking lot of his apartment complex, and honestly he was being a little rude, washing and waxing his car and not really listening to us, even though he set an appointment. He made his nephew come listen, which was really great, but I was getting frustrated with the situation as we had promised both Dave and Heavenly Father that we would teach him the Restoration.

Well those of you that know my spunky great-grandma Dinah, I have inherited a diluted portion of that spunk (gumption?). I left the conversation with Sisters Kennington and Burden with Dave's nephew, and marched right up to Dave's car, took the wax and the rag from him and told him I would shine his rims, and he would walk over to the sisters and listen to something that would make him really happy.

(Now to give you a little perspective, we were all in pencil skirts because we had to go to our ward that night and be flight attendants for a FHE activity).

So here I am in a pencil skirt shining a guy's rims, all the while, more of his friends are coming up to watch and laugh at why on earth a little white girl is shining Dave's car. I wasn't paying attention very well. All i could think to do was pray with all my might that he would listen. But looking back on that, I can imagine how funny that must have been.

Oh, the crazy things we do as missionaries! It is so great!!!!


Before I go, a quick update on Cameron. He is doing so well. He hopefully will move his baptism date up to the end of April. He went to church again and we are meeting with him to teach him the Gospel at the temple tonight. Keep him in your prayers!


The work is moving forward on my end, I hope it is on yours.

Roller Coasters and Dancing -Week 2 at the MTC

Monday, June 27, 2011

Missionary Training Center

Provo, Utah

Dear Mom and Dad and everyone else I love,

It is so true what everyone says here about time — the days drag on like weeks and the weeks go by like days! Thank you all for sending me letters — I will try to write you back today. I thought I would first answer some of the questions you asked me:

Have you met any other San Diego Missionaries?

Yes. Last week the new district came in and six of the elders are going to San Diego. It’s funny though; I’m the only sister. So we were laughing about how funny it will be at the airport in 2 weeks when I am walking around with six elders in black suits. They are all great though and I’m getting to know them all, and I can’t wait to be in San Diego with them!

Have you met your mission president?

Yes. This week has been mission president week; the First Presidency and 11 of the apostles have been on campus all week. There is a different spirit here on campus when they are here.

Elder Holland was driving up the other day and let Sis. Brandley and I cross the street on the way to gym. It was pretty fun to see him. Elder Bednar gave our devotional on Friday; I love him!

Anyway because of all that, I got to meet my new mission president, President (Paul N.) Clayton. They have 6 children, 8 grandchildren. He is an anesthesiologist for Alta View hospital. They are assigned Spanish speaking. Sis. Clayton’s father is Elder Ballard. (She didn’t tell me that, but my MTC supervisor did). President Clayton served his mission in either Peru or Paraguay (I can’t remember). They are so nice, and Sis. Clayton is the best mom/grandma ever, (Next to my mom) so it will be nice to have a friendly face. I did meet one Spanish-speaking sister going to the Mormon Battalion site, but so far I am the only English-speaking Sister here. There are only 20 sisters that work at the site.

Do you have some tips about teaching from Preach my Gospel?

I would say read through a lesson and then practice with someone who is pretending to be a real investigator. At first, it will seem like just a memorized script but as you practice, try to teach the person not the lesson.

Don’t do all the talking! President Holland says there should be a question, a break, or anything like that about every 2 minutes when teaching an investigator. Also, keep it simple as if you were teaching someone in primary.

The best piece of advice I would give you is to get to know your Heavenly Father. Don’t worry if you don’t know Preach My Gospel super well or if you cant teach very well: That is what the MTC is for. However, developing a relationship between you and Heavenly Father will be a constant support and comfort to you on your mission and throughout your life.

How is the language coming?

;-) Well, you know how hard this English can be — I don’t know why the Russian and Chinese Elders complain so much: They have it EASY! Just kidding. It is really nice to be able to speak English. I love that I can focus on teaching and not have to worry about that. I think Heavenly Father knew how frustrated I would be not being able to bear my testimony very well in another language. I know I was meant for San Diego, I can’t wait to get there!

What do you want to hear from home?

I want to hear everything! What’s going on? Have you learned anything from The Book of Mormon, any spiritual insights for me? Any jokes? Any questions? I promise, I am not homesick or anything Like that. I love you all and I want to hear how you are doing. DON'T HOLD BACK!

I thought for this letter I would write down a page out of my journal this week. If you ever want to know anything else, let me know. The schedule is always the same- class, study, class more study, class.... So things don’t change very much here.

Journal Entry for June 23, 2011

Missionary Training Center

Provo, Utah

I'm not sure I can even describe what happened today. Being at the MTC is like a roller coaster ride. It never slows down, it gives you ups and downs, twists and turns and lots of the unexpected, yet it is the most thrilling and joyful rides ever I have ever been on. I have to admit, this afternoon I was at one of the dips in this experience. I have been teaching four investigators: Dave, Tony, Hely, and Richard. Honestly Sis. Brandley and I walk out of each lesson not really knowing what happened. Heavenly Father has a certain way He wants us to teach His gospel that touches people's spirits and invites them to change. I feel like I am being forced to learn a dance and right now I am tripping over my feet A LOT and am not quite dancing to the beat of the music. However, Heavenly Father makes weak things become strong and I know He will do that for me.

As I was sitting in class tonight, tears kept coming to my eyes because I was so frustrated with my teaching and my inability to teach Heavenly Father’s gospel in His way. The funny thing is, the investigators are not even real. They are either actors at the Teaching Resource Center (TRC) or my teachers pretending to be a person they know from real life and yet, I still have so much love for them and desperately want them to have what I have. I realize that Heavenly Father has given me a big responsibility —Salvation is a BIG DEAL — and I don’t want to miss a single soul I am meant to teach.

Tonight we taught Richard again. Heavenly Father gave me a tender mercy and answered my prayers. Our lesson went so well. Sis. Brandley and I asked him if he would follow the example of Jesus Christ and be baptized. He said yes! Sis. Brandley and I are finally figuring out our "dance". My heart is so happy. No wonder no one ever wants to leave his or her mission. This is a gospel of happiness I wish I had time to share with the world!

I just want you to know how much I love it here. There are so many ups and downs and I am not going to lie: This is HARD WORK! But it wouldn’t mean anything if it wasn’t hard. I am Sister Newman, a daughter of Heavenly Father and I know that I can do hard things.

Before I go, I have a couple questions for all of you:

1. If you have time and can “dear elder” me the answer that would be great. (Editor’s Note: See dearelder.com or our "letters" page for instructions on how to send free same-day messages to the Provo MTC) One of my investigators asked all of us what makes us tick as a Mormon. What makes you get up every morning wanting to follow the gospel? I’m just interested in what you have to say.

2. Also, if you could I would love some quotes or inspirational sayings to write on the board every morning for our district. That is one of our goals, but I don’t have very many to write down.

Love you all to the moon and back, talk to you next week!

Love,