Inactivity, service, staying put

SAN DIEGO — YAAAAAAAAAAAY I am so excited for Dad and Sara to be having their adventure! I love the stories:)

I actually went to school with Aubin Lewis, then she left for a few semesters. I can't remember if it was for a mission or something. Great stories. I'm glad you're having fun. 

The only thing I want you to do for me, Sara, is give Leena a great big hug and tell her how much I love her. She is one of my heroes. Seriously. She has changed my life a lot. Talk with her every chance you get and write it down so you can tell me about it:) I would love to hear her conversion story again. I forgot it! 

Guess what? The former mission president in Finland that just got released came to the Battalion yesterday. It was great to talk with him. He knows Leena of course. It made me miss pulla and piirakka. MMMMMMMMM.

You are not going to believe this, but Sister Kennington and I stayed together, stayed training sisters, and stayed in Black Mountain!!!! I am very humbled, very grateful, and so excited for this chance. I love Sister Kennington so much. She's my best friend! We have gone through more together than I ever thought was possible as a missionary. The amazing thing is we have learned how to love each other, despite all of the weaknesses we have. It is a hard thing to live with someone 24/7. I am grateful that I get to live with a patient, kind, and loving companion. I couldn't go through this refining process without someone like her. My furnace has been HOT, and is only heating up. But I am grateful for the opportunity to be changed.

It was such a sweet experience Sunday, not only because I was still in the area I love with all my heart, but because I walked in and Kyle, the less active we have been working with since November — the one who is stubborn and hard on the outside, but really a softie on the inside — showed up in a white shirt and the tie we bought him. He got up and said the closing prayer as well. No one in this world can tell me that people can't change. That is a total LIE!

I was taught another lesson from Elder Seegmiller about why so many people stay less active. It is because they feel they have to fix their mistakes BEFORE they can go back to church, when it is church that is the place to help them become better. So what if someone has a problem with the Word of Wisdom. So what if a person has a problem with the Law of Chastity or keeping the Sabbath day holy. I hope and pray that you or I would not make any of them feel that they could not enter a place for healing the wounded soul. In fact, it is our duty to find them and to help them understand that they NEED to come back, that they are loved. Keeping the laws is the least of their problems.

It is coming back to change, to align themselves with God, to repent that is what keeps people from returning to God. So please, please, please don't be the cause of one of God's precious children shying away from the only place that will give them peace and hope. Its not just in our actions that keep them away, but in our LACK of action that does it as well.

Last thing I wanted to tell you about was Mormon Helping Hands day. Do you do that in Utah? I forget. Our branch was in charge of painting the community center in Mira Mesa. It was an amazing sight, painting the center. Our branch was on the roof, a bunch of 18-30 year-olds that could have been doing anything else on a Saturday afternoon. I took a moment to look around at them, and to walk to the edge of the roof and look down at the crowds of other members painting beneath me, laughing, painting, serving the community and serving God. People walked past with wonder in their eyes. I am sure thinking to themselves, "who on earth are these people? are they crazy?" Many of them, probably not even realizing that we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints —followers of the Savior of the world.

I guess this scene hit me harder today, as an investigator's father claimed that our Church only thinks  about itself and no one else. If only he could have seen the selfless service of these people on this day. My soul was touched deeply with the pureness, the charity of it all. It was a great experience.

I guess the whole reason for my email today is that there is more happiness to be found than what you have right now.

I know that at times, you may read this and think, "Oh, she's just a missionary. She doesn’t remember what living in the world is like. She's just weird and all she wants to talk about is the Gospel." 

Some of you may even have a hard time remembering that I did live where you live, I am real! I experienced much of what you are experiencing now! Being a full-time missionary and a member of God's church is not as far separated as regular members of the church put us.

I challenge you to find the happiness that God has for you. Many of you may have to change where you are looking for it, but I promise it is there.

"I know I need to live it. I just don't want to"

*Editor's Note: While the story below is true, the investigator's name has been changed.

SAN DIEGO — For today, I just wanted to tell you two things that have been on my mind. The first is about our investigator, *Suzy.  Suzy is an investigator I have been teaching since the summer. We have had a lot of ups and downs together, and let me just say nothing has changed!

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February 26, 2012

It is amazing the highs and lows you have as a missionary. I suppose that is just life really. Looking back on my journal, I know that many of these pages are filled with the success and triumphs as well as failures and disappointments while teaching Suzy.

I can still remember the first time I taught her with Sister Nelson, I had no idea what she was saying, and frankly, I don't think she did either. As I fast forward in my mind, I can see the night that Sister Kennington called me as we were on exchanges practically squealing that she had just taught Suzy the Restoration, and all she could say was, "I get it. I get it. I get it!"

I fast forward again and clear as day I can see the light growing brighter in Suzy's countenance as she prays, reads, and agrees to live the commandments.  Then the moment we taught her the Law of Chastity leaps off the pages of my memory — I can still feel the disappointment, and the sadness as Sister Kennington and I realized that she was not willing to change, I can still hear the words, "I know I need to live it, but I just don't want to".

Again, I fast forward to yesterday and there I was, sitting in the teaching room at the Battalion with tears spilling down my face as I recalled the conversation we had just had with Suzy just a few days before about choosing this day whom she would serve. She had made her decision not to follow Heavenly Father, and there I sat staring at the cell phone, knowing that God expected me to account to her for her decision. My heart broke as I dialed her number, as the message machine picked up, and as I had to leave her a message telling her that because she chose not to follow Heavenly Father, there was nothing Sister Kennington and I could teach her that would matter if she wouldn't follow God anyway.

I struggled with myself that night. We had been fasting for Suzy. We had been praying for her. Studying for her. I knew I could not doubt God, for if there is one thing I know without a doubt. HE KNOWS BEST.

This morning came, and I struggled to have high spirits, for the sting of her decision was still weighing on my soul. How could she not choose Heavenly Father? I was in my own mind, thinking about that as we were driving to church as I looked down, and my breath caught. The screen on the cell phone was blinking: incoming call-Suzy. I answered the phone, thank goodness she could not see my face, for both Sis Kennington and I both had mixtures of curiosity, dread, and pure excitement on our faces.

She told us that she was in the church parking lot and wanted to know where we were.

I can't explain entirely the lesson I learned this week. But that does remind me of the second thing I wanted to tell you that I learned this week.  I was watching the church DVD called, "On the Lord's Errand" the other morning. It is a biography of President Thomas S. Monson. There is one comment that President Monson said that has had more impact on my mind than I ever knew could.

I probably won't be able to say it as good as he did, but I will give it a try. He said, " I want to be the kind of person that the Lord can turn to me and say, "I can ask Tommy, he will run my errand."

I have thought about that a lot this week. I think of the people that I can rely on to help me with the things that I need. I also think of those that honestly I wouldn't ever ask, because I know they would let me down. What kind of servant am I? What kind of servant are you?  Are you more focused on doing what you want in the way that you want at the time that you want? Or are you the kind of servant that has given your will to God. A servant that your Heavenly Father can turn to and say, I can ask (so and so), they will run my errand? Think about that. I know I have, and there are some things I need to change in my life.

Prayer is real. God is real. And He can only give us power according to our faith.

The struggle of agency and the Atonement

SAN DIEGO — Happy New Years! 2012????? When did this happen??? It honestly scares me. I have too much to do before the end of this year!

I am focusing completely on the work, but every now and then it hits me like a ton of bricks how much I love you and miss you! I know you all have busy things going on and whatnot, but I hope you are taking time for each other. I have had to learn being gone how precious and fragile the precious gift of family is. Everything else we do is so good,  but family is something that is far too often taken for granted, and far too precious not to be cherished.

Speaking of family:

Grandma and Grandpa Morgan and Newman: I got both of your letters, but I haven't gotten the chance to open them yet, and it's our turn to email, so thank you in advance for writing me. You are the best grandparents ever!!!

Chris and Hannah: Thank you so much for the card, for the gift, and for the letter. You are so good to me! Loved the stories Hannah!

Sara: WAHOOOOOOOOOOO another semester. Hope you have gotten everything settled! Can't wait to hear how the start of another semester has gone.

This week here in San Diego has gone by so fast — kind of in a blur. It seems like that's what keeps happening lately. Sometime Sister Kennington and I feel like we are chickens running around with our heads cut off! We are so much alike it is hilarious. We say the same things in the exact same tone and the exact same time, and just today when we were grocery shopping we looked down in our carts and realized we even eat the same food! Scary:)

We have honestly had a rough week. We were talking about it in the car today. I have learned so much about how real God is on my mission, but I have also realized how real Satan is.

One of our investigators, who was going to be baptized this Sunday refused to live the Law of Chastity, even though she told us she knew the blessings that would come from it and the happiness she would have. Another investigator broke the Word of Wisdom on New Years and feels so guilty that he won't talk to us even though he understands the precious gift of the Atonement. Another investigator decided to move to northern California to live with her boyfriend. All of them had baptism dates for this month.

The realization that there is opposition in all things and that agency plays a big role in that came crashing down on me this week. I can't describe what I am feeling right now, only that to watch these sons and daughters of God turn away from their Father hurts really, really bad. Sister Kennington and I were talking about how we can literally feel the weight of their salvation on our shoulders. I am struggling with the weight placed on my shoulders, but I know it is nothing compared to what Christ did for all of us.

It took my breath away talking to my companion in the car this morning about how much weight the Savior carried on His shoulders. I don't have any words to explain it. I can imagine that the heavens watched in silent tears as our Savior bled, suffered, loved, and died for us. I felt a reverence for Him I have never felt before. He lives. I know that my Redeemer lives.

We had Zone Leader Training yesterday and we talked a lot about the examples we are to others and how important it is to be exactly obedient. President has been asking us to make visions for ourselves of who we want to be and so I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Interestingly enough, I was reading about Moroni today in my personal study.

"And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery.

Yea a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings  which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.

Yea, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were and ever would eb like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ. Behold he was a man like unto Ammon, the son of Mosiah, and even the other sons of Mosiah, yea and also Alma and his sons, for they were all men of God."

There is something I have learned here. I used to read that scripture and think, "That would be nice if I could be like that." Now I realize I can. I have a vision of myself. I want to be a Moroni, and you know what? I can be! We are all divine children of God, we have the potential to become like Him. Who are we to think otherwise?!?

There is a quote I love by Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley:

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with grass stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk's lawn.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived. "

That's the kind of person I want to be, and guess what? I can!

This new year is a perfect time to write down your vision for yourself. Who do you want to become? What do you want to tell people you have done on this earth? What difference do you want to have made?

I beg all of you reading this to realize that you can become exactly who you want to be. Don't settle for less. Please, please please don't settle for less! It, of course, can't happen unless you set goals and write it down, but I promise you, you can be exactly who you want to be.

I love you all, thank you for helping me be the person I am today! Let's start this year off with a BANG!!! Lets tell Satan who's boss!!! We are. We are children of a King! Children of great worth!!!

Don't forget it:)

Love you to the moon and back.

Chastity, The Book of Mormon, and a white castle

SAN DIEGO — This week has been so full of miracles, I figure the best way to share with you is to share some clips from my journal.

Brittany was so happy to get letters and packages

But before I do that- HR Dudley, the marine we have been teaching is getting baptized this Saturday and we have 4 other investigators with a baptismal date for the middle of November! There are no words to express what it is like to see a person use the gift of the Atonement to change their lives completly to follow God. I wish I could explain it. I was thinking about the thoughts shared with me from Elder David A. Bednar's talk and there is a quote in Preach my Gospel from President Howard W. Hunter that talks about missionary work and our own conversion:
 

"Surely taking the Gospel to every kindred, tongue, and people is the single greatest responsibility we have in mortality... we have been privileged to be born in these last days as opposed to some earlier dispensation, to help take the Gospel to all the earth. What does the Atonement have to do with missionary work? Any time we experience the blessings of the Atonement in our lives, we cannot help but have a concern for the welfare of others... A great indicator of one's personal conversion is the desire to share the gospel with others."

It's just as Lehi felt when he tasted of the fruit of the tree, he desired his family to taste of it as well. I don't know all of you who are reading this, but many of you have tasted of the fruit, many of you have experienced the cleansing power of the Atonement — don't keep it to yourself, go share it with others. I promise that looking outward and not inward, by thinking of others and not yourself, you will be following the example of Jesus Christ and will become more like him.

October 19, 2011

We were on splits today because we had too many appointments. Yay! What awesome words to hear as a missionary! I taught HR the Law of Chastity with his girlfriend and Relief Society President, Amanda Stubbs. I had the most amazing experience as we finished up the lesson. I asked him if he had any concerns or questions that would be keeping him from living the Law of Chastity. Immediately I felt as Ammon did in the Book of Mormon when he was able to discern the thoughts and intents of King Lamoni's heart. I knew exactly what HR was worried about —that it would be hard for him to keep his thoughts and words clean while he was on base with the other Marines. We were able to talk about his concerns and because of Heavenly Father's tender mercy, I was able to help him with his worries...

October 22, 2011

We had the temple shift this morning. There were lots of people here today, but mostly for weddings. In Winnie the Pooh terms, it was "a blustery day"!

While we were shivering under the umbrella at the temple, a car pulled up and a guy asked us for a Portuguese Book of Mormon, which we were more than happy to give him. He told us that he was Mormon and that his girlfriend told him about a dream she had last night with a white castle and how badly she wanted to go inside during her dream. The boyfriend told her he would take her to that building and we were able to give her a Book of Mormon and send the missionaries to her home because she wants to be baptized. Wow, what a testimony of how Heavenly Father really does know and love us individually and will answer our prayers in many different ways!...

October 24

We were on exchanges today. I was in my area with Sister Kearsley and we were able to teach Michael, Kerry, and Raul. Kerry came to the church and we talked to her about the Plan of Salvation. I asked her if she received her answer about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. She looked me straight in the eye and in a whisper said, "yes, I know that Joseph is a Prophet of God and that this book is true"

I do too! I know that Joseph is a Prophet and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, another testament that Jesus Christ lives, and a loving gift from Heavenly Father to guide us in this day! It is amazing how powerful the Book of Mormon is. It truly has "a more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword or anything else"

As we were teaching Raul, we asked him how his reading was going. He said in his own words, "Well, it's going okay, I'm really bad at names, but I read about these brothers that went to this mansion to go get some books, and the bad dude, was like, "bang bang bang" I want your riches, and so they had to run away and then later the bad brothers were whipping their other brother and the Spirit came and told them to knock it off...." Oh my goodness, Sister Kearsley and I looked at him with our jaws dropped to the ground — I'd say he is reading and understanding the Book of Mormon!

The Book of Mormon is such a powerful source in conversion. There is a talk called, "Flooding the Earth with the Book of Mormon" by Ezra Taft Benson. It is an amazing talk and something I have been thinking a lot about this week. I have been able to talk to a lot of people about Joseph Smith, I have reminded a lot of members about the sacrifice of our ancestors, and every day as I take people on the tour, i am reminded of what people, namely Joseph, went through to bring this Gospel to the earth again.

Joseph would not be tarred and feathered for a mere lie, he would not watch his children, neighbors, family, and people be mobbed and persecuted because of their beliefs, he would not go through trial and tribulation to bring forth the Book of Mormon for a lie. He would not do that!

He has passed on his legacy to us. It is now our turn to flood the earth with the Book of Mormon, to turn outward and not inward just as Jesus Christ would and teach, help, lift, inspire, and love all of those around us. You can do this! You are children of God, you were born with the responsibility to share what you know with the world. I know that there will be many people waiting for you when you return to Heaven, with arms wide open, thanking you for opening your mouth and sharing what you know. You can do this! Go forward with faith, not fear! Share a smile, give a hug, and let your light so shine:) 

 

I love you all so much. Thank you for sharing with me all of your experiences. You are so amazing, and I am so lucky to know you all.

Just FYI- Transfers are November 9th. I think Sister Nelson will be transferred since she has been in the area so long, but honestly I have no idea.