Calloused

SAN DIEGO — It’s weird when fall hits, and the sun is still shining here as bright as ever. It messes me up sometimes!

This week, it has really hit me how urgent this work is. God really is hastening His work. We are gearing up for about 50-75 new missionaries come January. What an amazing work this is! I feel the urgency inside of me, my spirit is trying to sprint to the finish, it is all I can do to keep up the best I can. There is just so much work to be done. 

I can see how hard both forces are working in this world. It has been so evident this week how hard Satan is working to confuse, distract, and lead away the children of God. Many of our investigators have testified of the truth, yet they refuse to live the gospel. It has broken my heart. There comes a point when they have to choose — choose to follow God, or choose to turn away, to step back into the world they came from. A world of chaos, distraction, and loneliness. The hardest moments on my mission have been the times when I look at one of my investigators, someone I have come to love with all my heart, and they look me back in the eye and tell me they do not want the gospel in their lives.  

It is devastating. But the work will move on.

I have noticed on the streets, the world is getting harder, tougher, and more calloused. People we talk to on the street laugh and make fun of us. Some are kind, but refuse to believe that they have to live the gospel of Jesus Christ to return to live with God. They think that they can do it on their own. We are getting to the point where I feel like we are trudging through mud, trying hard as we might to find those that are prepared. Despite the difficulty, the work will move on.

I have had many experiences this week, but I would like to share with you an experience from the Mormon Battalion Historic Site I had while I was on shift.

November 3, 2012

I was finishing up a tour in gold panning, and a middle-aged gentleman walked up, looking around like he had just walked up to the historic site. I excused myself from the family I was helping and welcomed him to the Battalion and to Old Town. 

We talked for a minute and I asked if I could show him how to pan for gold. He agreed and we started panning. Over the past few weeks, I have had a few experiences talking with people at the Battalion or at the temple where a peace comes over my heart, and I am certain that they are a child of God that specifically has been guided at that time and at that moment to be healed by the message of the Restored Gospel. 

As I talked to him, I had that peace come over my heart. 

I looked at him and could feel the burden on his heart. I could see it in the sadness and darkness of his eyes. I hear it in the tone of his voice. I just told him that I could tell he had a burden on his heart, and wondered if he wanted to talk about it. 

He told me that he just didn’t like where he was at this point in his life. 

"I just go out on the weekends and drink, and party, and I don’t even know why I do it. I suppose because I am bored and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to change" 

I testified of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the power it has to lift his burdens, to comfort his heart, and that through the gift of the Atonement, he had the power to change. We walked into the resource room and looked at the display of the Book of Mormon and of the Bible. How amazing it was to me to be able to testify of the Old and New Testament, and Another Testament of Jesus Christ. The books that contain the Gospel, the way to find peace and joy in this life. 

He looked at them for a while and then looked up at me with his sad eyes and told met that ' I just feel like I have calluses on my heart. I just can’t feel anymore." 

I asked him if he had ever felt the Spirit before. He said, "Once. When I was a young boy, I felt that I should go back to church. I knew God was speaking to me and I didn’t do it." 

We slowly walked to the lobby and sat on the couch. I testified that the missionaries could teach him how to get rid of the calluses on his heart and help him start over, completely change. I felt the Holy Ghost remind me of my missionary purpose — To invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. How great is my calling!

I turned to him and asked him if he found that what I was teaching is true, would someone holding the priesthood authority of God baptize him. He looked at me and said, yes. He hadn’t prayed since he was little, so we went to the theater and knelt down in prayer. I prayed first and then he followed. His prayer was the most sincere prayer I have heard. I felt honored to be kneeling in a room where God's son — His little boy —was returning back to Him.

That moment will be one I never forget.

The lesson I learned through this is that, yes, things are hard, the world is bad, and Satan is loosing his chains over the whole earth. But GOD'S WORK WILL MOVE FORWARD. And we have the responsibility to be part of it. 

Are you joining the fight, or are you sitting on the sidelines? With or without you, His work will continue.

Imperfection, Action, and the Great and Spacious Building

SAN DIEGO – Heavenly Father has really decided to push and pull me around a little bit —and it is definitely working. I want to share with you some things today, some lessons I have learned: some experiences that have humbled me, and some moments that have strengthened my faith. It's a lot, so please bear with me.

Before I start, I want to tell you what I used to think of when I heard the word "missionary". I thought of a guy dressed in black pants, a white shirt, name tag on shirt, scriptures in hand ready to conquer the world. I thought they could do no wrong, they knew every answer, they never had a hard time, they never messed up. You can see that my understanding of what it means to be a missionary was very skewed.

I want to open up my life as a missionary and let you see that though I do have a black name tag on my shirt, I am imperfect: I mess up, and life is HARD for me many times. I cried myself to sleep last night; this week has been so hard. I am not telling you this to get your pity or sympathy. I am sharing this because I want you to know that I am just like you. And just like you, there are lessons that I need to learn to be a better daughter of God.

I hope that as I write by the Spirit and you read by the Spirit, that my experiences this week can help you learn something that God needs you to learn to reach your full potential as well.

First, let me share with you some lessons I learned:

Elder Zwick, if you remember, toured our mission a few months ago. This past month, he was touring Samoa, Tahiti, and other islands in the South Pacific. On his way back, he stopped once again in San Diego and wanted to take his family through the tour with some other close friends. He asked if he could have a fireside with the sisters at the Battalion. I want to share with you a story. I only have time for one, but maybe next week.

This story actually comes from Sister Zwick. She told us a story about her son Scotty, who is in his thirties and has some mental disabilities and thus lives in a group home in Orem while they travel around the world.

The temple President in Portland are the Zwick's good family friends. The president shared an email with Sister Zwick that his son had emailed to him. His son had been having a really hard time with his family and other things. He was really feeling low. But he was really excited for General Conference that was coming up, and he was praying and praying and praying that something one of the General Authorities would say would answer the questions of his soul.

Session after session ended and by the time the closing prayer was ended, he felt dejected and that God had not heard his pleas. Just at that moment his cell phone rang and the caller ID said, "Scott Zwick". Brandon wasn’t going to answer it, because phone calls with Scotty are often full of questions and last a really long time, and quite frankly, Brandon felt that he wasn’t in the mood, but something made him answer the phone. He heard Scotty's voice on the phone and he said, "Brandon, I just wanted to call you and tell you that Jesus loves you and I love you too." Brandon explained, that at that moment, he knew that God had heard him and did know who he was.

And all that he needed to know was that he was loved, by a Father in Heaven and by His Son, Jesus Christ.

Do you see what I mean when I tell you that what you do makes a difference! Listen to the Spirit when he urges you to do something. If you don’t act, God will use someone else to do his will, and what a shame it would be to not be trusted by God enough to follow out His will.

Second, Let me share with you an experience that humbled me. I think I will write this out of my journal because I really don’t want to retell it- I hate messing up!

May 3, 2012

"Today was really hard. We had our weekly training meeting where we train the sisters at the Battalion. Sister Kennington and I did the training and then separated to practice with the sisters. When we came back, my group was a little late, so they were already talking. I asked if my group could hear what was said. We went on with training, but I could tell something was hurting my companion. I looked at her and my heart sank. 

I knew that I had acted out of harmony with Jesus Christ, for I had caused her hurt. We talked and I came to the realization that I had made her feel that I didn’t trust her to wait for all of us to get back into the room and I didn’t work with her in unity. I have been trying so hard to be better at allowing others to lead, but I think the harder and harder I try, the more and more I seem to mess up. 

It is really hard for me to allow others to lead. It's a weakness I know I need to get over to become a true disciple of Christ. It may seem like a little thing that happened today, but I realize that if my companion felt badly about it, then it matters a lot. She is so gracious and so patient with me, something I admire in her a lot. I think this experience opened my eyes to how much Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ care. This little things that we do matter. The little ways we mess up, and then become better are a big deal. We don’t live life by the year; we live it by the hour, by the minute, by the second. It is day by day that we become who we are meant to become....."

Finally, I have one more experience I want to share, a moment that has strengthened my faith. Cinco de Mayo in Old Town is CRAZY. I mean ridiculous. Sister Kennington and I were at the temple in the morning and then on shift at the Battalion at night. A drive from the temple that usually takes about 10-15 minutes took us just over an hour.

We were driving bumper to bumper trying to get to our apartment, which gave us plenty of time to watch what was going on around us. It hurt my heart to watch how past feeling all of these people were. Alcohol, tobacco, loud, offensive music, inappropriate dancing and actions, immodesty (bad, I mean real bad). It was like a movie, driving through a sea of people who weren’t real, they were literally like zombies.

Later, Elder Seegmiller shared with us his experience with being down in the middle of it at the booth. He told the sisters there to watch him. He walked into the middle of the swarm of people making their way to who knows where and he would wave right in front of their face. None of them acknowledged him. None of them knew he was there. He related it to the great and spacious building. My heart started pounding as I heard that. The Spirit was teaching me that this experience was exactly that. My faith was strengthened by seeing how real Satan is, and how real the Savior and His Atonement are.

I am out of time, but I hope these lessons I learned have strengthened and helped you. In summary, help others, be humble, and go forward with faith.

"Why are you still here?" and apartment scares

SAN DIEGO — I'm glad you are all doing well. I bet Dad and Sara are getting excited to go to Finland. Relax, and enjoy- No stressing out, okay?! :)

Honestly, today has been a rough day. I am so tired. I still haven't caught up on sleep from getting up at 4 to take Sister Haggerty to the airport. We had exchanges a few days ago, we stayed up until 12:30 talking about things. Definite lack of sleep going on.

Transfers are tomorrow, which I am bittersweet about. Of course, I am going to miss Sister Kennington. She is my best friend. We have been through the best and worst together, that is for sure. I think we are both very worn out of being trainer sisters, but of course are willing to do whatever Heavenly Father asks next of us. Stay tuned next week to see where I end up!

I think this week I will share some excerpts from my journal. This first one is an adventure from last Tuesday night.

April 17, 2012

....We drove up to our apartment on tonight and the lights were on. We thought about it for a minute, and realized that both of us double and triple checked the lights and they were off before we left. Sister Kennington was SO scared. She has a HUGE imagination to say the least.

Elder Seegmiller was at the Battalion, so we asked him to walk over with us to check things out. The dead bolt was locked: something we NEVER lock, which didn't make things better with Sister Kennington. I could almost see the images of robbers and burglars racing across her mind. Elder Seegmiller checked it out, and all was well, but that didn't calm any minds. 

Sister Kennington was still so scared, she made me check every nook and cranny in the house. Imagine the times when Sara and I were in the basement and we saw a spider and Sara would freak out and make me go kill the spider even though I hate spiders myself. Just imagine me tiptoeing towards the spider, tissue in hand, slightly shaky because Sara would be so scared it would start rubbing off on me. If you picture that in mind, you can picture exactly what happened with Sister Kennington and I. She's a great cheerleader, but she stood at the doorway, ready to book it as I looked throughout the house for our supposed intruder. Needless to say, Sister Kennington wouldn't have gotten an ounce of sleep, so we got to have a sleepover at the Seegmillers. A first and last, I am sure.....

Brittany had to arm wrestle Elder Seegmiller after the apartment scare.

We also had interviews with President this week, I thought I would share some thoughts from my journal from that.

April 18, 2012

I love interviews! President always picks a question to ask all the missionaries. He told me that he usually asks new missionaries why they came on a mission, he wanted to know why I stayed on a mission.

I've thought a lot about this and I think there are a lot of reasons why I am still here.

First, I know that I promised Heavenly Father in heaven that I would serve a mission. Second, I know that these precious moments are the ones I get to prove to God who I am. Third, I feel honored and privileged to be helping Heavenly Father build up His Kingdom, and I don't want to waste a second of this privilege.

I don’t remember everything we talked about but two things stuck out to me. We talked about where true happiness comes from. It doesn't come from getting recognition or approval from peers. True happiness comes from getting approval from God. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has taught me that lesson long ago. It is a sweet experience knowing that God has accepted all you can do.

I don't have time for any more, but I wanted to give you an update on how Cameron is doing. We taught him the Word of Wisdom the other day, and after we asked if he had any concerns about it and he said no, Sister Kennington asked, "Cameron, are you living the word of wisdom already?"

He looked her straight in the eye with a grin on his face and said yes! That is something I am beginning to understand as a missionary. There are those out there in the world that really want this. It is not about pulling teeth or lassoing someone into the Gospel, it is about welcoming them with open arms, and reminding them of what they already know.

Love you all. You are all in my prayers. Hope you are happy. If you're not, something's gotta change and no one can do the changing but you!:)