Looking into the Soul of a Mormon Apostle

SAN DIEGO — This week has been LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG! Great, but long.

I hope you all had a great Pioneer day:) My week has been full of many, many lessons from Heavenly Father. 

There have been moments on my mission that I completely and absolutely lose perspective. I wish I could see through Heaven's eyes every single moment for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, sometimes I get blinded. 

This week I felt so heavy, my heart was weighed down, I was overwhelmed with the task that Heavenly Father had given me, and I needed to learn a great lesson about the Atonement. It is amazing at how fast perspective can change, and it all depends on who you allow to take care of your heart.

This week I experienced both: 

First, I experienced giving Satan my heart.  As Alma said:

"And behold I say unto you all that this was a snare of the adversary, which he has laid to catch this people, that he might bring you into subjection unto him, that he might encircle you about with his chains, that he might chain you down to everlasting destruction, according to the power of his captivity" Alma 12:6

Anything that is against the will of God causes us to give way to Satan. We have to be pure, (or without blemish). I realized that any sin such as thinking badly of others, doubt, impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy — any tiny little thing — we are giving Satan our hearts and allowing him to chain us down. Sometimes it is not something we have even done, we are completely innocent, but still we have to let go, to forgive, to completely turn away from Satan and give Heavenly Father charge of our hearts.

 I think that is why Alma asks us in the Book of Mormon:

"Have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? Alma 5:14 

This week, I have also experienced the peace and comfort that comes from giving in; giving everything to Christ and letting him take care of it. What an amazing experience that has been for me. 

Heavenly Father just added a "cherry on top" of my week of learning because yesterday we were able to learn from (Mormon Apostle) Elder M. Russell Ballard. He talked a lot about missionary work, explaining how important it is for us to be us. He told us that who we are is what God needs us to be in order to do his work. 

Even more important than what I learned was how I felt.

I looked into the face of an Apostle of God. A man who has trials and troubles, heartaches and fears just as any one of us. As I looked into his eyes, you could easily see his soul. He was hiding nothing, he was pure, he was light, he was radiating the light of Christ. I felt the peace enter my heart. There was no denying it. God's Restored Church is on the earth again, headed by a prophet of God and twelve apostles of Jesus Christ. The Spirit taught me more this week, than any words could teach me in a lifetime. 

The hard thing in this world is that it is full of noise. It is loud and offensive to the Holy Ghost. When was the last time you turned off the radio in the car, just to listen? When was the last time you spent a few moments in the morning to listen, ponder and pray? When was the last time you opened your Book of Mormon?

I promise you from experience just this week, that the peace that comes from using the Atonement — from trying every day to change and become better, to be pure in heart — is worth more than anything in this world. 

No wonder Moroni says, "Except ye have charity, ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God.'

Let's change our hearts!

"Brothers can never be burdens": A Pioneer Day story

SAN DIEGO —You all have been asking what happened last week with transfers. I was transferred to the Helix Singles Ward, and we are whitewashing. What an experience that is definitely testing my patience and faith. 


My companion is Sister Miller, a sweetheart from Lindon, Utah. She is so great, a hard worker and already an amazing missionary. She will do great things. We are working hard, and building up the ward. We are excited for the challenge it will be, it will be amazing to see Heavenly Father work miracles.

All of you were also wishing me a happy Pioneer Day. As a tribute to the pioneers, I'm sharing a story with you. It’s called Brothers by Sheila Kindred. It is about Orin and Meltiar Hatch. two brothers who enlisted in the Mormon Battalion. 

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(Based on an oral history passed down in the Hatch family)

He that loveth his brother abideth in the light (1 Jn. 2:10). 

“Soldier!” 

Meltiar Hatch leaped to his feet and saluted the man on horseback. The Mormon Battalion had been on the march since dawn. Meltiar had taken advantage of a break to bring his sixteen-year-old brother, Orin, to rest in the shade of a tree. He hadn’t heard the officer’s horse until it was right next to him. 

Lieutenant Smith returned Meltiar’s salute. “At ease, soldier.” He looked down at Orin, who lay unmoving, his eyes closed. “Your companion looks to be very ill.” 

“Yes, sir,” Meltiar said sadly. “He contracted the fever at Fort Leavenworth, but I know that in time—” 

“Time? Time?” Lieutenant Smith loudly interrupted. “This troop has no time. The untimely death of our former commanding officer has set us back two weeks. We cannot defer to the sick and the weary. Leave him.” 

Meltiar’s protests were ignored as Lieutenant Smith turned and gave the order to assemble. As the drums sounded, men began to scramble to collect their provisions and line up. Meltiar sat down heavily and put his head in his hands. 

“Meltiar,” Orin’s voice was barely audible. “Forgive me. I joined up only because I wanted to finally be useful, like you were in Nauvoo. I never imagined it would end like this.” 

“Well, none of us imagined we’d ever be led by Lieutenant Smith, either. Few of the Gentile leaders have been unkind; he’s just the worst of the lot. Let’s not forget the promises given by Brigham Young and the Twelve,” Meltiar said with conviction. “If we conduct ourselves properly on this march, our lives will be spared.” He put his pack and canteen in Orin’s hands. “Here are some extra food and water to keep you for a while. I must go now, but I’ll be back, I promise.” He got to his feet. 

“I never meant to be a burden.” 

“Brothers can never be burdens.” 

Later that night Meltiar awoke with a start. He wondered why he was alone in the woods in the middle of the night. Then he remembered that he was on an urgent mission, that someone’s life depended on him. His first thought was that he was still a messenger in the Nauvoo Legion. 

Meltiar shook his head to clear his jumbled thoughts. He spoke aloud to himself. “The Prophet Joseph is dead. I couldn’t have prevented his assassination. However, I should’ve gotten help when my horse went lame, instead of trying to walk to Carthage. Then I might’ve delivered the last message from his loved ones before he died.” He shook his head sadly. “But I was young and full of pride, just as Orin is now.” 

At the thought of his brother, Meltiar stumbled to his feet. That’s whose life depended on him now! Weary as he was, he had to keep walking. The two previous nights, Meltiar had another soldier help him bring Orin back to camp on horseback. Each morning, when Lieutenant Smith discovered what had happened, he angrily ordered that Orin be left behind again. Last night Commander Smith had informed Meltiar that if he wanted to keep up his “foolhardy venture,” he could no longer disturb the sleep of other men or beasts. That was why he was now alone and on foot. And he knew that he must be only about a third of the way back to where he’d left his brother. 

Meltiar had prayed fervently for help when he’d set out. He knew he had an impossible task. Even if he had not been exhausted from lack of sleep, it would take him most of the night just to reach Orin on foot. Although Orin was much improved and could probably walk, he couldn’t travel very fast in his weakened condition. Meltiar knew that if he didn’t reach the Battalion before it pulled out at dawn, it would leave them both behind. But he also knew that he could never leave Orin. 

Several times on these night trips, Meltiar had had the uneasy feeling that he was being watched. Now he was certain he saw movement by a large rock up ahead. He stopped walking and slowly reached for his pistol. But the pistol was gone! He must’ve dropped it back where he’d fallen asleep. He started to reach for his knife but froze when an Indian stepped out of the shadows. In the light of the moon something glinted in the Indian’s hand. It was Meltiar’s pistol! 

As Meltiar stood wondering what to do, he heard the sound of a horse approaching. Could someone from the Battalion be following me? he wondered. Or could it be another Indian? The Indian appeared not to have heard the sound, but stood unmoving, the gun down at his side. 

When the horse came into the clearing, Meltiar’s heart sank when he saw that it was an Indian pony with two riders. Meltiar closed his eyes and prayed for help. 

“Meltiar?” a familiar voice said. 

Startled, Meltiar opened his eyes to see that one of the riders had dismounted and was approaching him cautiously. 

“Meltiar?” the voice repeated, “Is that you?” 

“Orin?” 

The two brothers rushed together in a brief, fierce hug, then turned to face the waiting Indians. The Indians had both mounted the pony, leaving the brothers’ guns and packs on the ground. One Indian slowly raised his hand in a salute. “Brothers,” he said before they turned and rode off into the shadows. 

“That’s what he said when he came and got me,” Orin said. “I thought he meant that something had happened to you, so I went with him, even though I was scared. How did they know we were brothers?” 

“They’ve been watching us these past few nights,” Meltiar said with sudden realization. 

“And maybe they could see how much we cared for each other. They could also see how much we needed their aid, so they helped us! Or—” he smiled at Orin—“maybe he meant that we are all brothers.” 

“I’m grateful for their help,” Orin said softly, “but sometimes it isn’t easy to accept help from others.” 

“I know what you mean.” Meltiar leaned on Orin. “But if you are as strong as you look, now it’s time for you to be useful. I need your help to walk back to camp. I hate to be a burden, but I am very tired!” 

“I am much stronger now, Meltiar. Don’t worry,” Orin told him with a smile. “Brothers can never be burdens.” 

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This obviously isn't the only story that happened along the journey. Hundreds of stories dot our ancestry and our heritage about the brave men and women that weren’t afraid to do hard things — that weren’t afraid to stand up for their God, that dug down deep and trusted that God would provide.

There is a scripture in Helaman 5: 6 that I love.

"Behold, I have given unto you the names of our first parents who came out of the land of Jerusalem; and this I have done that when you remember your names ye may remember them; and when ye remember them ye may remember their works; and when ye remember their works ye may know how that it is said, and also written, that they were good."

Let us live up to our name. No matter whether you have pioneer heritage or not, all of us are sons and daughters of God. We have a divine heritage to live up to. We can live up to the potential God has for us.

The Plan of Salvation: more than some cutouts

SAN DIEGO — Heavenly Father has a way of bringing me to my knees. Today, Sister Kennington left (I'll write about that later) and I just received a call: after only one transfer in Avocado, I am leaving.

I am training and white washing (Which means you open up a new area).

The experiences I have had this week have all drawn my mind back to the Plan of Salvation. As I tell you about these few experiences, I want to share with what I have learned about that plan.

Getting transferred out of Avocado:

Leaving an area is kind of like leaving earth, I suppose. When the time starts running short before an end of the transfer, I always think to myself, "Did I do my best? Did I work my hardest? Did I accomplish what God expected me to?" It is the very best feeling knowing that you have done what God has sent you there to do. 

I know that I have done what God expected me to do in the Avocado Ward. It is back up on its feet, miracles are happening, two families are being baptized by the beginning of August! Heavenly Father truly is a God of miracles. No one can tell me otherwise. 

I love being an instrument in his hands. I think the same expectation God has for His full time missionaries, He has for His member missionaries. I would suggest you ask yourself these questions now, as you don’t know when your time will be. "Did you do your best? Did you work your hardest? Did you accomplish what God expected you to?" There is still time, but get to work!

Sister Kennington leaving:

You all know how much Sister Kennington means to me. 

Well, that’s probably not true.

Me with Sister Kennington, of Layton, Utah

I don’t think anyone can truly understand what Sister Kennington means to me. I wish you all could meet her. She is my best friend (Besides of course you Sara. You’re an automatic best friend)! I’ve been hovering around her for the past week, knowing that each day she was getting closer and closer to leaving. This morning, we had to say our last good bye. All the sisters had their luggage out on the front step, we all cried, took pictures, laughed, and hugged. I imagined this was what it was like for Sister Kennington and I in the pre-earth life. Heavenly Father both needed us to have our own sisters, Sara and Paige, but he promised us we could serve missions together. I am sure there were lots of tears shed as we hugged and wished each other well as she went to earth. 

I had a Déjà vu moment this morning as we both cried and hugged, and didn’t want to let go. I sat staring at the white van taking her to the airport. I was full of happiness for her to be able to start her new adventure and of course, really sad that I had to let her go. Oh how great the reunion in heaven will be when we can all see each other again!

Taking the tour in Mandarin:

I have one last experience I want to share with you. Yesterday, I took a tour of 32 twelve-year-old Chinese students through the tour. I sat in the enlistment room, where they sit underneath the trees and watched them clapping their hands to the sound of Zamira's fiddle. 

I looked at these children sitting on the logs, and it hit me full force that only 12 years ago, Heavenly Father sat them down and told them that part of their plan was to live in a country that wouldn’t even teach them about His Son Jesus Christ. I imagined these precious little faces a little dismayed at the task that was given them, but because they loved Father, they accepted that calling. Heavenly Father gave me a glimpse of what His heart feels, watching His children not know who He or His Son is. It made me so grateful to be a missionary and to be able to be sharing this message with the world.

I guess the short version of what I am trying to say is that the Plan of Salvation is more than some cutouts you tape up in a Sunday School lesson. It is real. It can be seen in every aspect of our lives.

Please, please, please don’t take it for granted.

"Different than any other book"

SAN DIEGO — I have a few things I want to share with you that happened this week. 

First was on Sunday, we had a mission president's fireside. Every other month, President Clayton has a fireside where recent converts share their testimonies. Musical numbers, Mormon Message videos are played and then president gives a short talk. I was truly touched. 

One recent convert, Satera from Iran, got up and shared her story. She went to the Mormon Battalion and was given a Book of Mormon, which she put on her shelf. A while later, she was looking for a book, and the Book of Mormon stood out to her on her shelf. She started opening it, and in her own words in broken English she said, 

"The Book of Mormon has something special. I felt a power when I read it. It is different than any other book". 

My heart pounded in my chest as the Holy Ghost reaffirmed my testimony of the Book of Mormon. Just by reading the words from its pages, Satara requested to learn from the missionaries, and was baptized. I have witnessed time after time, the power of the Book of Mormon testifying of the truth of the Restored Gospel. It is so true!

That night, there was also a musical number that was sung by our assistant, Elder Call. I wish you could meet our last three assistants. They are so different than what we have had in the past. I think if you knew of their character, you would understand how powerful it was to watch a humble, powerful, kind servant of the Lord get up and bear his testimony through his talent of music. He sang an EFY song, "One Voice". I can’t remember exactly how the words go, but just imagine one Elder standing up, with the choir seats full of missionaries and our mission president behind him as he sang these words.

"I am just one voice, but one voice can still be heard,

I have made the choice, to seal my witness with his word,

I've been changed by holy fire, that has burned into my soul....

.... One but not alone, a thousand voices sing

Praises to the Lord, to our master and our king

With one voice, one voice."

I wish the angels of heaven could have been his back up singers, even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir would do!:) Those are the precious moments when I remember who I am and what I am doing as a servant of God. I have just one voice, but with God's help, my voice will be heard. You have only one voice, but you too can seal your own witness with God's word.

We were able to seal our witness of God's word yesterday. Miracles happened. It was so great because last week was the worst week I have ever had on my mission in regards to teaching lessons. We had every slot filled with scheduled appointments, and every single one fell through. That is what happens when miracles are close. Yesterday, we added four new investigators, and have two little 9-year-old girls with a baptismal date! The Taylors are so excited to be baptized on the 28th, and we are trying to get Sean to meet with us so he will be ready to be baptized too. When I started working in Avocado, I knew it would be hard work, I just never knew Heavenly Father would allow us to see the fruits of our labors so quickly!

I just want you all to know I love you. I have confidence in you. We all can continue to change and become better. There is no need to be hard on ourselves. God expects persistence, not perfection.

Keep sharing your light!

Laborers in the Vineyard, changing habits

SAN DIEGO — Happy Fourth of July tomorrow! I hope you have some fun:) You all saw the picture of Karen and me; it was so good to see her yesterday!

I have been pondering what I want to tell you about this week, and my thoughts are kind of scattered.

I guess I can start first with an update on our ward. The plants are sprouting here in Avocado!

Thanks to Dad teaching me how to set goals and make plans, we have come far in the ward council in just a few weeks. Of course, it's all Heavenly Father, but He helps a lot more and a lot faster when things are organized. 

I have been taught on my mission what a ward council is supposed to be, and I realize that many times we miss the mark of the Brethren’s vision. It's hard to help ward councils understand what God expects a ward council to be like. It’s all about missionary work — reactivating, finding, retaining. It should be focused around the ward mission plan and how to accomplish those goals, not just to talk about activities and the drama/needs of individuals in each auxiliary, (that’s for presidency meetings) but missionary work as a whole. Church is a tool God uses for missionary work — Relief Society, Young Men's, Young Women's, Sunday School, Priesthood quorums,  all of the activities, service projects — all of that is a tool to help us be missionaries. 

In our ward council this week, we remade a progress record sheet, with our progress as missionaries for the week with less actives, investigators and members. We made a grid of our weekly, monthly, and yearly goals and how the ward's progress was. We then had assignments for each member of the ward council, as well as follow-ups from the previous week. It was amazing to watch these members volunteer to invite their friends to the 4th of July activity, to pray about someone they could have for us to teach by next week, to assign us members from their auxiliaries to teach. There was a fire and an excitement about missionary work! I realized this is what it's all about! I hope that we all can catch the vision, and help revolutionize the way we do missionary work. We need to be Moroni's. And just like Moroni revolutionized war, we can change the old habits of the church and make new more effective ones.

Enough said about that. I also wanted to share a few thoughts from our Zone Leader council this week. Once a month, Sister Tanner and I meet with President, the Assistants and the Zone Leaders and talk about how to continue improving our work. This month, President talked about the urgency of missionary work. He told us this story: He was doing anesthesia on one of the Apostles, and as the Apostle was waking up, he kept trying to get out of bed, squirming and looking very uncomfortable. President asked what he needed, explained that he was just coming out of anesthesia and needed to rest. The apostle responded, "I don’t have time, I need to go, there is so much work to do!" 

President related that story with tears in his eyes, as he explained that in order for us to be disciples of Christ, we need to catch the urgency of this work.

It made me think of the Ensign article from General Conference about the Laborers in the Vineyard. I was reading it this morning and a few things popped out at me. I guess before I share that, I should give background of the story (found in Matthew 20:1-15):

A householder went out early in the morning to hire laborers. After employing the 1st group at 6 in the morning, he returned at 9, noon, and 3, hiring more workers as the urgency of the harvest increased. In the Bible, it says, "he came back a final time about the eleventh hour" which would have been 5 pm. Just an hour later, all the workers were gathered in and received their day’s wages, all of them receiving the same pay.

Elder Holland talked about how it shouldn't make anyone jealous for god to choose to be kind.  And how it was not too late for these laborers who waited all day, with sorrow in their hearts, feeling hopeless and thinking that they would have to return to their families with no way to feed them that night. The householder gave them a great gift. An opportunity to work, even if for just an hour, still it was something. To everyone's surprise at the end of the day, all the laborers received pay, and all of them received the same wage.

To all of you reading this: as I sat today at my mission president’s feet, and as I read the words of an Apostle of God, I was taught from on high that no matter who you are, no matter what you have done, this work is urgent. We need everyone we can! In Elder Holland’s words:

 "However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.... If you have made covenants, keep them. If you haven't made them, make them. If you have made them and broken them, repent and repair them. It is never too late so long as the Master of the vineyard says there is time. Don't delay. It’s getting late"

I testify to what Elder Holland and President both taught me this week. God needs everyone He can. Come join the ranks! And don’t give up or give in if you have been fighting, no matter how long it has been. We will win. We are on the Lord's side.

"Even when you are tired": a lesson on diligence

" Salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in the faith, even unto the end of his life. If ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God and always retain a remission of your sins: and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you..." Mosiah 4:6, 12.

SAN DIEGO — This week Heavenly Father answered my prayers. I asked him to help me understand the Christ-like attribute of diligence more clearly.

He gave me ample opportunities to practice! A few days ago, I was in the urgent care with one of the sisters from 11:30 p.m. to 4 a.m. Two and a half hours later, I was up and doing morning exercise. If you don’t already know this, sleep is a precious commodity in missionary work. 

And missionary work is just that — WORK! 

Put those two together, and I was one sleepy missionary.  I felt like I was trying to stay awake after taking an Ambien or something!  As I was reading about diligence earlier in the week in Preach My Gospel, one line stuck out to me: "Continue until you have done all you can, even when you are tired." 

Those words kept flashing across my mind as my eyes would droop in tours or lessons, but Heavenly Father helped me continue to be steady, consistent and energetic in His work. His promise came true that, "when you are diligent, you find joy and satisfaction in your work."

I have found a lot of joy this week in the work. I want to tell you about the miracle of the Avocado Ward starting to transform.

If whoever is reading this knows anything about my Dad and Mom, they are very very organized, and very hard working. In fact they are so organized that we have an alphabetical and numerical system to organize the collection of DVD's in our home. Also, family vacations would usually consist of a planned out calendar of our itinerary that Dad would email to us before we would leave on vacation. I bet you can imagine I picked up on a few of those characteristics.

I have found that the phrase, "God is a God of order" is essential in our quest to become like Him. In the Avocado Ward, we have been working so hard these past three weeks to get organized and gain the trust of the members. We have visited every member of the ward council and have plans on how we can work together in missionary work. We are teaching the ward members how to invite their friends to activities and church. And we have reorganized our reporting in ward council so the members can better understand our efforts in their ward. 

Just those simple things have transformed the spirit here. We were able to have 18 lessons this week with only 4 half days in our area (A full time missionary needs to get 20, so we were very blessed)! We are now teaching three part-member families, and Tracy and Amber have a baptism date for July 28th! And hopefully by next week, Sean (a different family) will have a date too. I'll keep you posted (Dad, you asked about Peter- he is a YSA, so we had to pass him off, but I'll let you know if I find anything else out about him).

I just want you to know my testimony of this work. There has been a transformation of what has been happening since I last wrote. Just look back and see the letters! It is the power of Heaven plain and simple. No one can claim that just literally a few weeks ago, this ward didn’t trust missionaries, they didn’t like missionary work, and we had no investigators to teach. Heavenly Father has sent us an army of angels to help us in this work, and because of that, we are seeing an explosion of miracles. 

There is rain falling on the scorched earth of Avocado — the rich soil that comes from burnt earth is sprouting fruit! I can’t wait to update you next week.

Trying to become the Fourth Missionary

SAN DIEGO — It's amazing the lessons you can learn in only a week's worth of time.

As I mentioned last week, it was one full of challenges. I am grateful for them. Heavenly Father has been teaching me a lesson about how to make my will His will.

My favorite story in the Book of Mormon is about Nephi (Lehi's brother, Nephi). I've always wanted to be like him. I've wanted Heavenly Father to trust me like he trusted Nephi, to have that kind of faith, that kind of diligence, that kind of courage. The other day I decided to read about him from the Book of Mormon.

"Blessed art thou Nephi, for those things which thou hast done, for I have beheld how thou hast with unwearyingness declared the word, which I have given unto thee, unto this people. And thou has not feared them, and hast not sought thine own life, but hast sought my will and to keep my commandments."

Okay, so honestly I read that, and thought, "Oh great, if this is Nephi, I am totally in the great and spacious building!"

I most definitely did not start this transfer with "unwearyingness" like Nephi did. I’m pretty sure the words, "I'm tired, I’m so tired" were flashing across my mind in big bright letters the whole last week.

And though I don’t fear these new people, I sure have been wary of them. I mean for heavens sake, I was reciting the First Vision to a less-active lady and she starts rolling up a cigarette and proceeds to lighting it and smoking it right as I am telling her that God and Jesus Christ themselves appeared to Joseph Smith!

The last part says that Nephi sought God's will. I felt like I have done that all my life, but I have learned that I have not quite hit the mark.

I was reading a talk by a General Authority called "the Fourth Missionary" It describes the characteristics of four different kind of missionaries and how you can become the fourth type of missionary. 

He said, "In the end, your heart and will is all you have to give that the Lord does not already have. It is the only true gift you have to offer. It is as easy as changing your mind. Tell Father, I give in, and I give up. My heart is yours. My will is yours."

This was my aha moment! In order for me to become like Nephi, I have to make it up in my mind. I wrote Heavenly Father a letter. It is special to me, but I want to share it with you:

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"Dear Heavenly Father,

I was reminded today of how much you love me. Today is Fathers Day here on earth and my mind has been turned to you and my dad here. It’s always hard for me to know what I can do for you. I think that’s hard with all dads. You already have everything you could want. I read a talk today about aligning my will with thy will. I want you to know that I give up. I give all of it to you, Father. I want to give you my heart this Fathers day.

Love,

Brittany

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If you keep reading about when Nephi gave his will to God this is what happened. 

"And now because thou hast done this with such unwearyingness, behold I will bless thee forever and will make thee mighty in word in deed in faith and in works. Yea even all things shall be done according to they word for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will."

I am so excited to be earning trust with Heavenly Father. It is such a great feeling. I have been so blessed this week. I want to end by sharing some of yesterday’s miracles from my journal.

June 18, 2012

Today was such an amazing day. It was our only full day this transfer and we were able to get a lot of appointments. My eyes were opened to the world today, to how real Satan is, and how real the powers of heaven are. I want to share a few experiences I had:

Natik: He is a referral from some sisters in the Carlsbad mission. We stopped by and he let us in. He is a refugee from Iraq as now 1.5 million Christians have been kicked out of his country. He was so open and willing to learn. It strengthened my testimony that every person we talk to matters. I think of what would have happened if the sisters wouldn’t have talked to him. But because they did, he has a chance to hear the Gospel.

Trinity: We went back to teach Julie. Her daughter, Trinity was there. She’s only five years old. We were sitting at the patio outside her apartment, we could see into the apartment at her five-year-old girl. We started the lesson with a prayer. I shouldn’t have peeked, but I did. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two little feet walking from the upstairs apartment down the stairs. Then I peeked again, and I saw her sad countenance. She was looking down, her hair covered her eyes, and her little hands placed a handmade cigarette on the table next to her mom. She slowly turned around, and I watched her walk slowly back up the stairs. I don’t know why, but that vision haunted me. How sad Heavenly Father must be to watch all of this from heaven.

Peter: He is one of the lost boys of Sudan. Last week, we met Peter crossing the street. He had his Bible in hand and his white smile radiated brilliantly against the contrast of his beautiful, black skin. We set an appointment and were able to meet with him today. He told us about his story. When he was four, his mom, dad and uncle were killed in front of him. Thousands of Sudanese children had to flee the country alone. Some of his friends were eaten by lions or lost in the jungle.

Others starved to death. I won't forget the way he looked at us as though we represented all of America, and he said, "thank you, we thank America for what you did". I imagined our Founding Fathers, though I am sure they are sick at some of the things that are happening in our country, at least some good still remains. 

Heavenly Father taught me a lot tonight. About the strength of his children, the hope that comes from the Atonement, and the reality of Satan. This battle is real. It seems like it should be a movie, this battle we are fighting against Satan. I suppose this fight against good and evil is what inspires the entertainment out there. Only this is REAL. It can’t just be shut off at the end of the credits. This is a matter of salvation...

Well, that was a lot to say this week, sorry! Kind of scattered, but I gotta go write my presidents letter.

Love you all!

"Newmans do hard things": An Open Letter to my Father

Dear Dad,

This week has been one of my top 10 hardest weeks of my mission so far. You have come to my mind a lot this week, and since this Sunday is Fathers Day, I decided I wanted to write specifically to you.

Transfers were this week. I got transferred after more than half my mission in Black Mountain to a family ward in El Cajon. The difference between the two is night and day. I now have my own bottle of pepper spray. Enough said. I think you probably have an idea of what its like there.

Sister Tanner is my new companion. She is 25, from Canada. She teaches 8th grade English and is a sweetheart. We are the training sisters at the Mormon Battalion.

Dad, I thought I knew what hard was. I had no idea. Sister Kennington and I have been together for five transfers. She is my best friend. I calculated it out, and if what they say about a mission as being a "mini life", Sister Kennington and I have been companions for 50 years. Imagine you and mom not being together anymore and I bet you can get a taste of how much that hurt.  It is so hard to love my new area, but Heavenly Father has a way of expanding my capacity to love far more that what I ever imagined. I have to say I was in complete shock when I heard Heavenly Father still needed me to be training sister.

I'm so tired Dad. So, so tired.

Do you remember when we went on Trek and we had the women's march? My family’s cart got taken and we had to spread out and help pull the other families' carts. I got assigned to one of the end ones that did not have the six to eight people pulling a cart, but we had four, if I recall. I remember looking at Corinne Christensen, who was in the family I was assigned to. Both of us were thinking the same thing, I am sure.

"How on earth will we ever be able to do this?"

We started pulling. I can remember the sweat dripping down my face, the blisters on my palms throbbing, my feet hurt so bad. I remember the poor sister next to me wanting to rest but we just couldn't. She let go, and the wagon started rolling down hill. Tears filled my eyes as the weight of the cart started pulling me down. I wanted to fall to my knees and give up, but I knew if we lost the momentum we would roll to the bottom and there would be no way we could get to the top of the hill. I said a prayer, begging Heavenly Father to help us, I looked up through my watery eyes and there was Brother Richardson, with tears in his, smiling at me and telling me I could do it.

I feel like I re-lived that experience in a way this week. The natural human part of me overtook my faith. All I could think about is how tired I am. Not just tired at the end of a long missionary work day. Thinking about what Heavenly Father was asking me to do, I felt like dropping to my knees and giving up. But he has sent angels to lift me up. It is amazing experiencing the power of Heaven.

I had this image pop in my head of how I have been feeling this week: Imagine one of the laborers in the vineyard. The master of the vineyard gives him a plot of land to cultivate. He digs and digs, sweats, worries and cries over these precious plants. At the end of the day, he straightens out his aching back, leans on his earth-filled shovel, wipes the sweat from his brow, and looks at the beautiful, lush vines growing on his plot. You can imagine his excitement to keep this precious earth that he has come to know and appreciate alive, but alas, the master of the vineyard has something else in store for him: a new plot of land, a new earth to learn, to cultivate, to revive.

Only to the laborers' dismay, this plot of land is scorched by wildfire, only few evidences of growth. This laborer — though tired, aching, and a little dismayed — starts the next day digging and cultivating, and though he's not sure what the master has in mind, knows that with the master's help, even the blackest of earth can be reclaimed and revived into a more lush and green garden that it was before.

To be honest, before I was able to fight the thoughts of doubt and inadequacy that Satan had put in my mind, and replace those with thoughts of hope and faith, I broke down. I cried through all my tours. It took all I had to pray to Heavenly Father to help me stop crying long enough to say my part of the tour. I hate that I am human.

Do you remember those times when I would be so upset because I hated how I Heavenly Father always "made me" do the hard things when it seemed everyone else got to have fun? I remember a handful of times when I would sit on your lap and cry. You would rock with me and remind me that "Newmans do hard things and Newmans do what Heavenly Father asks".

I hated when you said that.

I just wanted to yell, "Well then, I don't want to be a Newman!" But now I am grateful for it. I Know I am a Newman. I know I am a daughter of a King. And we do hard things.

I have the first letter that you wrote me when I got to the mission home. I keep it close when times are hard. I read this part the other night.

"Brittany, I know that oftentimes you have to dig down deep for the strength you need to do the things that you want to do, but just like a mine which has priceless treasures buried deep down, I am confident that you will be able to find those treasures within yourself and share them with other people"...

 I'm digging deep, Dad. Deeper than I ever have. I know you would be proud of me.

I didn't have you here when I was practically on the verge of despair. The Holy Ghost was yelling in my ear, "you need a blessing."

I called Elder Seegmiller, and just like I used to when I would call you up in college when things were hard, immediately I started crying when I heard his voice. He came over to the Battalion and gave me a blessing. I have a testimony of the power of the priesthood.  I could not do this without extra power from heaven. I would have given in. I would have given up.

I want to share one part of the blessing that stuck out to me. I was told that you pray for me every night. And that though you can’t be with me, your prayers reach the heavens and have acted as a fathers blessing to me. Dad, thank you. Thank you with all my heart. I am very aware that there is a power that is going against me. It is real. It is tangible at times. I know that yours and mom's prayers have saved my life.

I love you with all my heart. Happy Fathers Day.

Progression, transfers, and never going back

SAN DIEGO — W-O-W! We just waved goodbye to two sisters going home today. Sister Kennington is going home in six weeks. WHERE IS TIME GOING? Transfers are tomorrow and we are almost positive I will be transferred. Change is always good, but I will miss the branch, and of course Sister Kennington. I guess I will let you know what happens next week.

Here is an update on Cameron: He received the priesthood the same Sunday he was confirmed, he went to the temple that same Wednesday, and he passed the sacrament on Sunday! Can you say PREPARED? He is and always will be the miracle of my mission.

Camilla however, was not baptized on Saturday, because her dad would not allow it. She will be though, one day, she will be.

We had our last district meeting this week. Our district leader and one of our zone leaders (they were on exchanges) made us homemade stir-fry and this banana dessert thing. Then they had us go on a scavenger hunt, which ended in the chapel, and we had a testimony meeting. Elder Smith, our district leader is so funny, and is the best. Seriously, the most humble person I know. It was great.

Since Cameron has been baptized, we have not had a lot of investigators to teach, but we sure have had a lot of members we have been seeing. We have been committing them to make a mormon.org profile and share 5 mormon.org cards. Then we follow up with them and practice talking to people about the Gospel. Just a few days ago, we had a follow-up with a member and practiced how to talk about doing baptisms for the dead at work, because he sometimes goes straight from the temple to work and people ask him why he is so dressed up. It has been amazing to see the fire and excitement of the branch. For testimony meeting, that’s all people bore their testimonies on: experiences they had with missionary work. IT is the BEST EVER!!!!

We also had zone leader council yesterday, which was great. I want to share a thought that president shared with us from a talk Elder Holland gave in the MTC. This thought comes from John chapter 21. This is just after Jesus Christ has been crucified. Peter and the apostles didn’t know what to do, so they decided to go back to fishing:

verse 3 "Simon Peter saith unto them, I go a fishing. They say unto him, we also go with thee. They went forth and entered into a ship immediately, and that night they caught nothing."

So these men had been fishing night and day, and nothing came from their labors.

verse 4, 6 "But when the morning was now come, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus. And he said unto them, cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes."

As they listened to the Lord, they prospered....

Immediately, John knew who it was- "It is the Lord" Peter, so excited to see Jesus, jumped off the boat and swam to shore. Jesus had made them breakfast, being sensitive to the fact that they were tired and hungry from a long night. While they were eating, Jesus asked Peter three times "Lovest thou me more than these?"

Peter answered, Yes! I love you! (You can imagine the great love Peter had for Jesus.) Jesus answered FEED MY SHEEP. He replied to Peter, when I asked you to be my apostle it was forever! When he asks us to be his teachers, his leaders, his mothers, his fathers, his disciples, IT IS FOREVER!

WE CANNOT GO BACK!

That hit me hard. I can never and will never go back to who I was. I, like Peter, will forever be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

After telling that story, Elder Holland said that it was that moment Peter became the great apostle. That’s when Peter strode into eternity.

It is when we learn the great lesson that Peter learned, it is only then we will be ready for eternity and become the great children he wants us to become.

Don’t forget that this is forever! You have His name as yours forever. You are called to lift, inspire, motivate. FOREVER. If any of us go back, we will break Heavenly Father's heart.

So go open your mouths! Don't go back to being fishermen!

Cameron's Baptism

SAN DIEGO— A LOT has happened this week! I guess some of you know that Cameron was baptized on Saturday. It was AMAZING. Let me share part of my journal about it with you (I barely had time to write down his story, so its not that great of an entry).

Sister Kennington and I at Cameron's baptism

May 26, 2012
I can't believe this day finally came. 

This was one of the most powerful baptisms I have been to so far on my mission. Jason, his friend in the Church, bore a powerful and simple testimony and then we had a musical number by Kelly.

She sang, "I Will", by Hilary Weeks which blasted the room with the Spirit. The song was about standing tall even if you are alone-something that Cameron has had to do ever since we started teaching him. 

We then watched Cameron and Brother Bryant (the one who referred him to us) walk into the baptismal font. Sister Kennington and I had our arms around each other as Cameron was baptized. It was amazing. I knew that if my spirit was as excited and thrilled as it was, the hosts of heaven must be singing for joy. I wanted to cry as I pictured Heavenly Father smiling down from heaven. What a proud Father He must have been at that moment. 

As Cameron was getting dressed, Sister Kennington and I shared a message. We played the Mormon Message, "The True and Living God" by Elder Holland.  Then we had three of our members (who we previously asked) to one by one get up and share their one-sentence testimony of Jesus Christ. 

"I know that my Savior lives." 

"I know Jesus forgives me of my sins."

"I know if we follow Jesus Christ we can return to live with God"

Just imagine the power of those simple, yet intense testimonies of Christ. Sister Kennington and I then got up: 

"I know Jesus is the Christ" 

"I know that Christ lived. He died. And He lives again." 

As we closed in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, we all sang the hymn, "I Believe in Christ".  At the close of the song, our Branch President invited Cameron to get up and share his testimony. He said that he had researched, studied and read the Book of Mormon and that he knows the Gospel and the Church are true. He explained that he felt like he had been through his own great apostasy, but now he was found. 

It was so touching to hear him testify. You can tell what a strong spirit he is. It was confirmed to me again, when he was receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost. His blessing said that he was one of Heavenly Father's favorite sons and that one day he would be sealed in the temple. It hit me so hard how much Heavenly Father wants each of us back. 

We all have our own “apostasies", whether it is lack of reading, praying, or studying the scriptures. Whether it breaking the commandments, not going to the temple, thinking bad things... whatever it may be, living the gospel of Jesus Christ is what brings us back and what keeps us on the right track.

I was reading the conference talk "In tune with the Music of Faith". Elder Cook's words stood out to me:

"Having faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and keeping his commandments are and always will be the defining test of mortality."

What we do defines us. This time on earth IS important. It is where we prove to God who we really are. If you are struggling, let me share with you some advice from President Kimball:

"I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns."

I think the question is not, "Does God hear me?", I think the question is "How far away am I from hearing His answer".

Speaking of answers to prayer, let me share with you a quick miracle Sister Kennington and I experienced this week before I end. 

A few weeks ago, Sister Kennington got the impression to ask the elders if they wanted us to meet with one of their investigators, Camilla. They are teaching the whole family, in fact missionaries have been teaching them for years. The elders accepted, as they were on their last resorts to figure out how to get this family to understand. Sister Kennington and I went over about a week ago, and got to know her. It was perfect. She is a 17-year-old girl, and you know how well it would have gone over if she tried to tell the elders about her prom dress and her frustrations about her 1-day-old manicure chipping. Needless to say, we clicked right away and were able to teach her the Restoration. 

The Spirit testified so strongly; I was almost expecting the Holy Ghost to start shouting at us. Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost were able to work miracles on her in those precious few minutes and her understanding was clear and her heart was opened. Just yesterday, we met with her again. It was funny because the elders were there with the parents doing service. We taught Camilla in the dining room. We retaught the Plan of Salvation and once again the Spirit was intense. In fact, my heart was pounding out of my chest, I could almost hear a voice yelling to invite her to be baptized. 

She said yes! She wants to be baptized this weekend before her and her family go to Brazil. Her dad called us today not very happy, he says its too fast and she is not ready for that. If there is one thing I have learned it is that, with God anything is possible. If he gave Moses the power to part the Red Sea, who am I to think he can't soften the heart of an old man? Definitely something Heavenly Father will do if it is according to His will. So please Keep Camilla and her family in your prayers.

Roller coasters and choices

SAN DIEGO — Since Cameron is going to be baptized this Saturday, he has been on my mind a lot. I wanted to share this week's experiences from my journal and share some thoughts about what happened.

May 18, 2012

Yesterday, Sister Burden and I were on exchanges. We taught Cameron about the priesthood right after he had his baptismal interview with Elder Smith. The Spirit testified with such a power that even I was taken aback. 

Later in the lesson, we asked Cameron what it meant to him that there is a prophet on the earth. He told us that after he watched the movie/biography of President Monson's life, "On the Lords Errand", he fell to his knees and asked God if President Monson was His prophet. He bore such a strong witness of the answer he received that tears came to my eyes. In that moment I realized that the angels were probably sitting in silence, hanging on every word as one of their fellow brothers bore truth of the prophet of God. We ended by watching a Mormon Message called, "Sanctify Yourselves" by Elder Holland. We all had tears in our eyes as we watched the power of the priesthood heal a little boy from being electrocuted in a rainstorm. Think of the power of that! There is no power to equal the priesthood in the whole world...

May 19, 2012

Cameron called and told us that he had finally talked to his parents and told them about his decision to be baptized. He was very sad, because his parents were not very happy. His parents mean the world to him, and for them to be upset and accuse him of making an irrational decision definitely stung deep. What he told us on the phone touched my heart. He said that he knew that at some point he would stand in front of Jesus Christ and it wouldn't matter that his parents were mad. It would matter if he chose to make and keep covenants with God. His simple yet firm testimony strengthened my testimony that I too know that my Redeemer lives!

May 21, 2012

.... On the way to Family Home Evening, we realized that were locked out of the church, so we called Brother Bryant and he let us use the restroom and even had leftover chicken pot pie for us on the table when we arrived (He is the one who referred Cameron)! He told us that last night Cameron came over and was very upset. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get baptized because his family is so upset by it. 

They were able to talk, and Brother Bryant asked if he would be okay if those that wanted to in the branch could fast with him tomorrow. After FHE Brother Bryant explained that Cameron was having a hard time and those that wanted to could join in a fast for him tomorrow. Josh asked if we could say a prayer for him. About 20 Young Single Adults knelt in prayer in our branch president’s front room and the sweetest, most earnest prayer was offered for a man that many of them have only known for a few weeks, yet sincerely call him friend. The love, the charity, the unity and faith of this moment was tangible, it was breathtaking. This is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ...

I wanted to share a few moments this week to help you get a glimpse of what missionary life can be like. Full of ups and downs, disappointments, miracles, frustrations, and happiness. I believe that this roller coaster ride Heavenly Father has developed is the curriculum to build our faith.

I have been studying about faith this week and have learned so much. It was very apparent to me this week noticing my feelings and the feelings of my companion as we experienced ups and downs. I wondered to myself, why am I letting my faith parallel these experiences? Why isn’t my faith at a constant incline? It is amazing to me what faith is. Faith is a principle of power. 

"If ye will have faith in me ye will do whatsoever thing is expedient in me" Moroni 7:33.

I have experienced something on my mission and that is the power of prayer and the power of faith. It is by prayer, by our words that we call down the powers of heaven and it is by our faith that we receive it. 

I love what the Bible Dictionary says Faith will give us: 

1. The knowledge that our lives are acceptable to God. 

2. Blessings 

3. An assurance of our salvation

In there it also explains obstacles to our faith: 

1. Hard heart and blind eyes. 

2. Looking for approval from others and not seeking the honor of God. 

3. Doubt.

As I have been pondering, My mind was swept away into a daydream: I see myself standing in heaven with the angels showing me what my life will be like. Before I can start my journey on earth, they ask me one question. "Brittany, what will you choose?" I see my self standing up from my chair, and looking at the angel who asked me the question. I reply- "I choose FAITH!"

What will you choose?

Revelation, Sacrifice, and Miracles

SAN DIEGO — It was so great to talk to you on Sunday! First things first:

Grandpa Morgan: Just in case I don't get a letter written, THANK YOU for painting that picture for me. I cried a whole bunch when you told me. It means the world to me. I can’t wait to see it!

Everyone else, thank you for the birthday wishes, the cards. It was a great day!

I feel like I should start off with a good laugh first. Do you remember me telling you about TIWI? It’s the company that monitors our driving: how fast we are going, how hard we stop and whatnot. We have a little box in our car that warns us when we do something wrong. For instance, "Speeding violation" or "Aggressive driving".

Sister Kennington was leaving a message with the counselor to our mission president and I was changing lanes, and missed in my blind spot a car that was coming, so I slammed on my brakes, but was in the middle of both lanes so I had to get over and the car in back of me was not going to let me. While Sister Kennington is leaving the message, she yells, "the car is still coming!" and then I yell back, "Well, that car is an idiot (yes, I should have kept my temper, I know) and then all of a sudden, the TIWI box talks in its computer voice, "Aggressive driving!" Sister Kennington then realizes that all of this was on the message to President Hunt. We look at each other, down at the phone and bust up laughing as she finishes the message, knowing full well that President Hunt heard the whole thing. OOOPS!

I shared this experience with a few of you, but since Dad, Sara and any others reading this did not hear, I thought I would share it with you again. Sister Kennington and I were having a pretty rough day the other day, and were pretty low when we went to the temple for our temple shift.

I noticed a member standing out front (he was dressed in a shirt and tie) and went up to talk to him. He kept asking me questions like, "How many sisters serve per shift, what are zones like, how do zone conferences work" etc. I asked how he knew so much about missionaries and he explained that he was just released as a mission president in Ohio. We were so excited to talk to him, and asked what advice he had for us.

It was so cool to see how much that question meant to him. He pondered for a minute and looked at us, and said, "Sisters, that is a great question. Let me ask you something: If you could pick one lesson that you have learned from your mission, what would it be?"

Sister Kennington explained that she has learned the "Why" of the Gospel —why we do what we do. I honestly have learned so many things so fast, it is hard to grasp everything. But one of the biggest lessons I have learned is the eternal perspective of missionary work. After we explained, he looked at us, pointed each hand at Sister Kennington and I and said, "Sisters, my advice to you is when this part of your mission is over, is to teach these lessons you have learned to your husband and your children."

It hit me that what I am learning is not for myself. It is for those around me. I know that each of you have lessons you are learning from Heavenly Father as well. Are you sharing those lessons with your children? Your friends? Your family?

I feel that before I leave, I need to share 2 more things that I have learned this week with you.

I want to talk to you about what I learned from Elder Zwick about what he calls the "cycle of spirituality"

In D&C 132:50 it says,

"Behold I have seen your sacrifices and will forgive all your sins... Thus sacrifice brings forth a remission of sins."

In Moroni 8:26,  Moroni explains, 

"And the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart. And because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the spirit."

In summary, if you want the Spirit, it requires a sacrifice on our part. King Lamoni's father was willing to give all he had to know God. What are you willing to give?

We had Zone Leader Council this week, and each of us went around and shared miracles in our areas. The scripture came to mind, "has the day of miracles ceased"? I add my testimony to Moroni that indeed they have not. Here is a testimony that miracles still happen every day.

One set of Elders walked up to the church and there was a note on the door that this woman wanted to learn more about the Church and to give please call her and teach her more.

Another set of Elders were teaching a man from Peru. As they were in one of the first lessons, he told the Elders to hold on, he called his family in Peru, and asked if they wanted to hear more. They enthusiastically said yes, and the Elders arranged for other missionaries in Peru to teach them.

Other missionaries were outside church talking to a woman and saw a man walk by. They felt the urge to talk to him. He explained that he always wanted to go in, but every time he knocked on the door, no one was there.

A friend gave a man at the marine base a Book of Mormon a long time ago. When he got to base, the only church he knew was "Mormons" he went to church, started reading and wanted to be baptized. That same friend is serving a mission just above us and was given permission to baptize him.

Have miracles ceased? I think NOT! Look for them where you are, if ye seek, ye shall find.